- Oh, honey thank you.
- Oh, it’s beautiful.
- Oh, wow, this is a really nice…one.
- Go ahead use it.
- Use it?
- Oh, okay you know maybe I should start by putting something in it, huh?
- Okay, here we go.
- No, uh, ah, oh.
- Hey, Michelle, did you finish your bird feeder?
- All done.
- And what a doozy of a bird feeder it is, huh?
- Just hold it up and.. Pew, bird’s right in there.
- I’m gonna put some bird seed in it.
- He didn’t have a clue.
- I don’t know why but I feel like a Wienerschnitzel.
- Rebecca, close your mouth.
- Uh, Betty, Lulu, that was…unique.
- [laughing] Can’t wait till this Sunday at the annual twins expo
- to hear your spirited rendition of “Stairway to Heaven.”
- Okay, thank you very much.
- Thank you, and don’t forget I’ll be emceeing The Favorite Twins Contest
- so come down to the convention center if you are a twin or know a twin or if you’ve ever seen double.
- – Bye and have a great weekend. – Thanks.
- Great show. Great show. Great show. – Hi, babe. – Hi.
- – Ready for lunch? – Yeah.
- Oh, uh, Danny, Vicky called and she said she’ll call you back between seven and eight.
- – Can’t I call her? – No.
- She’s on her way to Green Bay. She’s travelling with the Chicago Bears.
- – The football team? – ‘Mm-hmm.’
- Yeah, she said she’s doing some kind of special on women in the locker room.
- You mean, s-she’s gonna be in a locker room with 40 guys with chiseled bodies and thighs bigger than…me?
- Danny, you don’t feel threatened by this, do you?
- No. No, not at all. If you need me, I’ll be at the gym.
- Honey, listen, I have something to tell you but you have to promise not to whine.
- I never whine.
- My cousin Dick and his wife Donna are in from Nebraska.
- Oh, those rich snobs?
- – You’re whining. – No, I’m not.
- I’m just, I’m just voicing a manly complaint.
- They brought their twins Debbie and Darla for the contest at the expo. And we’re having dinner with them tonight.
- Oh, geez, I have to eat with them, too?
- Alright, that was a whine. That was a whine, yeah.
- D.J., Steve. I’m glad you’re here.
- What about me?
- D.J., Steve, I’m glad you’re here.
- I’ve got a boy problem.
- This is serious.
- This boy Jimmy Laster is always pulling my hair and giving me noogies.
- Why is he doing that?
- Hey, maybe you have one of those noogie heads that guys can’t resist.
- Steve. It’s probably because he he likes you. And he’s too immature to tell you.
- Really? He likes me?
- Yeah. You should do the mature thing, give him a call. Maybe he’ll want to get together.
- Or do what I do. Get an 800 number and advertise on cable.
- Cousin Dick.
- – Look who’s here. – Donna.
- – Hi. – Kids, come on in.
- Oh, yeah. Come in. Let me see you.
- Oh, you guys have gotten so big. Come here, give me a hug.
- Oh, thank you.
- Well, come on in. Make yourselves at home.
- Well, we haven’t seen you since you and Jesse got..
- you know, married.
- How you holding up?
- Alright, boys, life lesson number 37. Pretending to like someone.
- Dick, Donna. It’s been too, too long.
- Well, Jesse. Aw, cute kids.
- Thank you. Thanks.
- They look just like Rebecca. You lucked out there.
- Well, a small joke.
- You know what they say. Small joke, small mind.
- Jess.
- – Hello. Hi. – Hi.
- Who’s this little girl?
- Oh, this is Danny’s daughter, Michelle.
- Michelle, say hi to Dick, Donna, Debbie, and Darla.
- Hi, Dick and..
- …all you other D people.
- – And you must be Danny? – No, I’m Joey.
- See, Joey, Jesse, the twins, and I, we all live here in Danny’s house with Danny and his daughters.
- Yeah, Becky and I, we have a little place up in the attic.
- – The attic? – ‘Hmm.’
- How quaint.
- Well, uh, I know you guys have to go out to dinner
- so, Michelle, let’s take the kids into the kitchen for some cookies.
- Oh, boy, girls, you do love fresh-baked cookies, don’t you?
- We prefer store-bought.
- We prefer store-bought. Oh, boy.
- Aren’t our girls cute?
- Can’t wait to see them in The Favorite Twins Contest.
- You know, that sounds like a lot of fun. Jess, we should enter Nicky and Alex.
- No, no, no, absolutely not, I’m not gonna parade my kids around like a couple of trained baboons.
- Baboons?
- [gasps] Whoa, look at the time. Shouldn’t we be going to dinner?
- You know, now that I think about it why don’t you three go, I-I have some schoolwork to do.
- Oh, working on your Ph.D?
- Well, actually it’s-it’s, it’s my pre-Ph.D.
- Master’s?
- Bachelor’s?
- High school.
- High school? Good one.
- Oh, you’re serious.
- Well-well, you-you can come to dinner. It’s not a school night.
- Oh, now I see why you married him.
- Because he’s funny?
- No, because he’s rich.
- Uh, speaking of which we have reservations at the most expensive place in town.
- – O-on us, of course. – Of course.
- We know you’re a struggling musician.
- No, no, no. Jess has a great job on the radio.
- And did you know that he had a number-one record in Japan?
- Well, if we ever have dinner in Japan it’ll be your treat.
- Small joke.
- That guy is a small joke. I’m going to get him.
- Honey, please. No violence.
- Who’s talking about violence? I’m gonna order a 12-pound lobster.
- Deej, I took your advice and called Jimmy.
- Was I right? Does he like you?
- Close. He hates me.
- He said if I call him again he’ll have me arrested for harassment.
- Sorry, Steph. Sometimes guys are complicated.
- Well, not exactly complicated. More like…simple.
- I just want to know how to tell if a guy likes me.
- Well, sometimes guys just kinda hang back and stare at you.
- So, if a guy stares at me, he likes me?
- Not necessarily. You may have some gunk stuck in your teeth.
- But if you don’t, and he does like you he’ll start fixing his hair.
- Okay, staring. Hair fixing. What else? What else?
- Well, then you smile at him, but just a half-smile ‘cause you don’t scare him.
- How’s this?
- That’ll scare him.
- Tell me more. I need details.
- Well, just do everything I said. And if you do it right, he’ll come over and talk to you.
- This is great. Then what happens?
- Nothing. You’re in the fifth grade.
- So, what you guys want to do?
- Do you have a TV? A VCR? A laser disc player?
- – Anything? – I have Mr. Potato head.
- – Boring. – Boring.
- We like video games.
- Come on, Debbie. Let’s go play Ballerinas of Death.
- When can I have a turn?
- When you buy one.
- Boy, is this going to be a fun night.
- Man, that was good eating.
- I ate so much lobster, I’m sweating butter.
- I hope you didn’t ruin your best t-shirt.
- Oh, Donna, I hope you don’t mind I made Debbie and Darla some ice cream sundaes.
- Oh, not at all. Girls, what do you say?
- They would have been better with hot fudge.
- Oh, you’re welcome. Always a pleasure.
- Oh, uh, Becky little news from the home front.
- Mary Ellen Matthews married Doyce Plunk.
- He was Becky’s old boyfriend. We all thought she was gonna marry him.
- I was never going to marry Doyce.
- Mary Ellen sure is counting her blessings.
- She lives in a mansion almost as big as ours.
- And Doyce gives her a brand new Cadillac Coupe de Ville every year.
- Yeah but try popping a wheelie on one of those things.
- Okay.
- Well, we better get a move on before someone steals our hubcaps.
- Small joke, right?
- No, I’m serious.
- Come on, girls. Let’s go.
- Well, it’s been a wonderful evening.
- Cousin Dick, thank you for dinner.
- I’m gonna go upstairs and check on Nicky and Alex.
- Donna, goodnight. Goodnight, girls.
- I’ll be up soon, honey. I’m just gonna throw our.. I mean show our guests out.
- Bye-bye.
- Hey, Dick. Let’s lay the cards on the table, pal.
- You don’t like me, do you?
- Well, I’d like you as an acquaintance. I’d like you as a waiter.
- I’d even like you as a mechanic. But as a cousin, well, let’s just say
- we always imagined Rebecca with someone.. …better.
- Let me tell you something. I’m not your acquaintance and I’m not your waiter
- and if I were your mechanic you’d be having brake problems.
- Small joke.
- Well, I guess we know where we stand.
- Yes. I guess we know.
- See you at the expo.
- Oh, and smart move not entering the twins contest. Why put your kids through that kind of rejection?
- “Rejection?” Now you’ve pushed me too far. You know what, I’m gonna enter my twins in that contest
- and they’re gonna make you wish you never left Nebraska, pal.
- Looks like somebody had their lobster bib on a little too tight, huh.
- – Small joke. – Yeah.
- Here’s a big joke for you. I don’t even like lobster.
- Hey, kids, look at all the twins, huh?
- Big ones, little ones.
- – Furry ones. – Come on, Michelle.
- Let’s go see if they have eyes.
- See that doggy? He’s a furry doggy. Say doggy.
- – Hi, hi. – Oh, hi.
- Jesse, when my kids win The Favorite Twins contest you think, you could help me carry that huge trophy on to my car?
- No because my kids are gonna win.
- Really? You think you have room for that trophy up there in the ol’ attic?
- You know, Jess, I just wanted to enter this contest for fun and all you want to do is beat my cousin.
- Sounds like fun to me.
- Come on, let’s go get the kids ready.
- Hey, Michelle. Are those cute guys staring at me?
- No, don’t look at them.
- How am I supposed to see ‘em if I don’t look?
- Okay, time for the half-smile. How’s this?
- I think you need the other half.
- Alright. They’re fixing their hair. It’s like D.J. said. They like me.
- Uh, Michelle, no offense, but…get lost.
- Well, since you asked nicely
- okay.
- Hi, I’m Andrew.
- – I’m Stephanie. – I’m Thomas.
- – Do you have a twin? – No.
- We really like doing stuff with twins.
- [gasps] Oh, you mean a twin sister? Who doesn’t?
- Super. Where is she?
- Well, uh… I’ll go find her.
- D.J., quick. I need your hat and your sweater.
- – Why? – Don’t ask questions. It’s an emergency. Please. Please.
- Okay, okay. But you look fine.
- It’s not for me. It’s for my sister.
- Michelle?
- Hi. You must be Andrew and Thomas. My sister Stephanie told me I’d found you here.
- Hi. What’s your name?
- My name?
- Uh…Bethany.
- So, Bethany, what do you and Stephanie do for fun?
- Oh, pretty much the same thing.
- Where is Stephanie?
- Stephanie? Uh…she was with me a second ago.
- I’ll go find her.
- She’s not quite herself today.
- That’s right, Vicky Larson. Yeah, could you please tell her to call Danny Tanner?
- Yeah, she’s-she’s in the Chicago Bears’ locker room.
- Yeah, she’ll be the only one wearing high heels.
- Really?
- He does?
- I’m back. Bethany.
- I thought you were Stephanie.
- Wait a minute.
- You’re absolutely right. I am Stephanie.
- This is getting weird.
- Yeah. What’s going on?
- [sighs] Alright, the truth is, I don’t have a twin.
- I made it up because you said you only hang out with twins.
- Well, I guess I can make an exception.
- – Hey, I saw her first. – I did.
- – I did. – I did.
- Boys, boys, boys, boys.
- Let’s not fight. There’s enough of me to go around.
- Hey, there are your cousins, Michelle. You can wish them good luck before the contest.
- Or not.
- Why should I be nice to them? They were mean to me.
- Well, because being nice is contagious. Maybe they’ll catch it.
- You mean like chicken pox and they’ll get all itchy?
- Maybe contagious was the wrong word.
- Debbie, Darla, good luck.
- What do you mean by that?
- I just mean good luck.
- – Thank you. – Thank you.
- Always a pleasure.
- Did you see that? They even said thank you.
- What did I tell you?
- Ladies and gentlemen, twins of all ages.
- We’re about to begin the highlight of the twins expo The Favorite Twins contest.
- I’m your host, Danny Tanner. And no, you’re not seeing single there’s only one of me.
- Okay, so, let’s bring out our first contestant. Welcome if you will from Gary, Indiana
- the Spellman twins.
- Thank you, Lex and Rex.
- Oh, man, I haven’t seen that much beef since my last double whopper.
- Is this thing on?
- Okay, let’s bring out our next contestants. Please welcome, if you will, the Donaldson twins.
- Make daddy proud.
- [together] And now, a poem.
- The majesty of America.
- The beauty of the sea.
- The seven wonders of the world.
- Are not as cute as we.
- Are.
- Thank you. The Donaldson twins.
- Okay, and now our last contestants. Please give it up for Nicky and Alex Katsopolis.
- Elvis, the next generation.
- And now let’s bring all our contestants up on stage while our judges make their final decision.
- Nicky and Alex were so adorable.
- You must be pretty darn proud, huh, Beck?
- Oh, yeah, having twin Elvis impersonators. Every mother’s dream.
- Oh, now it’s the moment you’re waiting for. Let me get the judges’ decision.
- Excuse me. You know what?
- That’s my.. That’s my jacket.
- Uh, pardon me.
- Hello. Yeah, Vicky, you know this is not a good time.
- Yeah. Are-are you still in the locker room?
- Was that a towel snap?
- O-okay, look, I-I can’t talk right now.
- I’ll call you later. Okay, honey buns. Bye-bye.
- – Where was I? – The winners, honey buns.
- Thanks, sugar hips.
- ‘Our runners-up and second-place winners are..’
- …Debbie and Darla Donaldson.
- – Runners-up? – You heard the man.
- That has gotta be a mistake. I demand a recount.
- Alright, Lex and Rex, please escort this man off the stage.
- We really need a recount. I’m sure there’s.. No, there’s some mistake.
- And now it’s time to announce our first-place winners.
- They are… Nicky and Alex Katsopolis.
- ♪ We kicked their butt ♪
- Honey, I got a great idea, let’s take a picture of this we’ll put it on a Christmas card and we’ll send it to your idiot cousins.
- That should spread a little Christmas cheer.
- Jess, why are you so obsessed with my cousin?
- Honey, I’m not obsessed. I got a great idea.
- Let’s hire a skywriter who’ll skywrite “Loser” over his big mansion.
- Jessy.
- Alright. I’m a tad obsessed.
- It’s just that.. I-I just wanted to show him
- that even though I can’t buy you a mansion I can’t buy a new Coupe de Ville every year
- that-that we have really great kids.
- What are you talking about?
- Well…you think you would have been happy if you’d married Doyce Plunk?
- Rebecca Plunk?
- That a yes or a no?
- Of course, it’s a no.
- Jess, I don’t care about cars and money. And I don’t care what other people think.
- All I care about is you and our life together.
- And I wouldn’t trade one minute of it for all the mansions in Nebraska.
- I guess I did kind of overreact.
- Well, not completely. My cousin is a jerk, and I’m glad we kicked his butt.
- Sweetheart, I…I may act a little crazy sometimes
- but…it’s only ‘cause I’m crazy about you.
- ２位のはずない
- いよいよ 第１位の発表です
- 優勝は カツォポリス兄弟！
- ざまあ見やがれ
- クリスマスに これの写真を やつらに送ろう
- ワクワクするわね
- なぜ こだわるの？
- こだわってないさ やつらの家の上空に “負け犬”と書くか
- やつらの家の上空に “負け犬”と書くか
- ジェシー
- 確かに こだわってる
- あいつに 思い知らせたかったんだ
- 俺には 豪邸や新車よりも 最高のものがある
- 子供たちだ
- 当然でしょ
- ドイスと結婚した方が 幸せだったか？
- レベッカ･プランク？
- どうだ？
- ありえないわ
- お金や他人の意見なんか 私は気にしない
- 大事なのは あなたとの生活よ
- この生活は大邸宅にも 代えられないわ
- 俺 少しやりすぎたかな
- 私も彼にはムカついてた いい気味よ
- 俺が時々 バカやっちまうのは―
- 俺が時々 バカやっちまうのは― 君に夢中だからだ
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