- Let me see. You combed your hair differently?
- No.
- You take off a few pounds, Michelle?
- Daddy.
- I’ll give you a hint.
- Oh, my goodness. You got less teeth to brush there.
- Two less teeth.
- Woo, a double hitter.
- You better call the tooth fairy and tell her to bring twice as much money.
- ♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪
- – Hey, Michelle. – Hi.
- What did you guys get at the mall?
- Well, I got a T-shirt, and a belt, and a cat toy.
- But we don’t have a cat.
- I know, but the sales guy at stuff for cats was so cute.
- Wonder how this thing works?
- Oh, I get it.
- I wish I could go shopping.
- Michelle, you went shopping last Sunday with dad.
- That’s not shopping. That’s dad telling you what to try on.
- Well, that’s how it works. Dad picked out all our clothes when we were little kids.
- Remember how he’d hold up the outfit and say..
- (both) “Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”
- But I’m not a little kid anymore.
- – Do you wear makeup? – No.
- – Do you like boys? – Eww.
- Do you still talk to your stuffed animals?
- If I’m not mad at them.
- (both) Little kid.
- – Hey, guys. – ‘Hi.’
- – Hey, Michelle. – Hi.
- I got a surprise for you. I picked it up on the way home from work.
- Think you’re gonna like it. Let’s see how it looks on you.
- Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?
- – Mmm. Something smells good. – Ooh, bacon.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. You guys mind, huh, already?
- I told you I smelled bacon.
- Well, sorry, Danny. It was a feeding frenzy.
- I would have made a grab for it but I-I was afraid I’d lose a finger.
- I can’t believe these paint samples.
- Look at this, blueberry cream, iced apricot, mocha frost.
- Don’t know whether to put on two coats or two scoops.
- What are you painting, Uncle Jesse?
- Oh, the Smash Club. I’m doing a whole new renovation.
- It’s so cool. It’s my club so I can decide the look.
- I can decide the feel. I can decide the-the mood.
- – So what are you gonna do? – I don’t know. I can’t decide.
- Well, the decision to decide is a decision in itself.
- That’s heavy, Steve.
- Yeah, Steve has gotten so deep since he started that philosophy class.
- Uh, well, um, actually, the guy at the car wash had it tattooed on his back.
- Jess, you got to be very careful. You cannot choose the wrong colors for your club.
- Well, remember that coffee shop on, uh, Polk Street?
- – Closed down in a week. – Yeah, Cafe Black.
- That place was so depressing.
- It’s true, hair boy, the wrong color combinations can make people physically ill.
- In fact, blondie, your outfit’s making my eyes water.
- Me? Your getup should come with an airsick bag.
- Alright, alright, gang. Chill out.
- Now, I’ve made my first decision, and I’m going with.. …teal. What do you think?
- Teal? Ow.
- What do you mean ow? What ow? I like teal.
- Well, you probably don’t care that teal was the color of Custer’s last shirt.
- Joey, wait a minute. What do you know about chartreuse?
- Taupe? What color was the Titanic?
- Alright, you girls better get going.
- Okay, Steph, here’s your lunch money.
- – D.J. – Thanks, dad.
- – Thanks, dad. – Nice try, Kimmy.
- Hey, it worked last week.
- – Come on. We’re gonna be late. – Not the way I drive.
- Safely and carefully.
- Okay, Michelle, sweetheart. Here’s your lunch.
- How come I can’t buy my lunch like Stephanie and D.J.?
- Sweetheart, I don’t wanna worry about you losing your lunch money.
- Besides, who else makes a happy face out of grape jelly on your peanut butter sandwich, huh?
- Of course, once I close it, you know, you can’t see it anymore but we both know it’s there, don’t we, honey?
- That’s my ride.
- Oh, okay. She’ll be right there.
- Here you go.
- You have a good day, alright, sweetheart?
- Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?
- – Bye, daddy. – Bye.
- Bye, Comet.
- Hey, Comet.
- Isn’t that the cutest thing you ever seen?
- (Jesse) ‘Maybe.’ Maybe.
- If I had to. Not in this life time.
- Read me story, please.
- Oh, boys, this is not a story book. It’s-it’s a sample book.
- (both) Please, daddy.
- Oh, okay, alright, alright. Come over here. Hop on, guys. Come over here, son.
- Alright, ready? Here we go.
- Okay, once upon a time, there lived a handsome
- well-coiffed nightclub owner
- and, uh, he couldn’t make a decision. He couldn’t decide if he wanted this color
- or this color, or this color, or this color
- and it was driving him crazy, you see, and..
- And then the phone rang. The end.
- Okay. Thank you, guys. Great story.
- (both) Good story, daddy.
- Mm-hmm. Talk to me.
- Oh, bathroom fixtures? No. I’m sorry. I’ve got so many decisions to make right now.
- Uh, look, why don’t you guys send over something for me to look at, and then, uh, when I see everything I’ll just kinda go with the flow?
- Get it? Go with the flow? Plumbing?
- Hello? Hello?
- – Hi, honey. How’s it going? – Oh, terrible.
- I got so much riding on this club and I can’t make a decision. There’s so many options.
- I never knew it would be this difficult, I mean, I got
- floorings and-and wallpapering. I think my head’s gonna explode.
- Oh, honey, your head’s not gonna explode. You might get a slow leak.
- Oh, Jess, why don’t you take a break and see if you can get Alex to use the potty? He’s doing his got-to-go dance.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, alright. Come on, come on, son.
- There’s Derek. Let’s throw the frisbee.
- Derek, why are you eating? Lunch isn’t for an hour.
- I just can’t get through recess without a rice cake.
- Save some for me. I forgot to bring my lunch.
- Then, you should buy your lunch in the cafeteria.
- I’m not allowed to buy my lunch.
- Why not?
- Because my dad makes my jelly smile.
- Okay.
- Hey, let’s throw the frisbee.
- You know, my dog can catch one of these in his mouth.
- So can my brother.
- Okay, here it goes.
- Wow. It just floated right up there.
- Why don’t you float up there and get it?
- [clicks tongue] I’ll go. I’m not afraid of climbing that.
- Me, neither. Let’s do it.
- Come on, Michelle. Are you afraid to come up?
- No, I’m just afraid to come down really hard.
- Don’t worry. It’s easy.
- Hey, honey. Look, you forgot your lunch.
- Thanks, dad.
- You know what? You forgot something else.
- Ah! Must have fallen off your head on the way to school.
- Actually, Comet found it. It was really funny. He was wearing it.
- It was the cutest thing you ever saw.
- Uh, got to go, dad. We have a frisbee situation.
- (Danny) ‘Oh, hold on, Michelle, I don’t want you climbing’ up there, sweetheart. That’s really dangerous.
- There you go.
- Hey, Michelle. This is cool.
- I can see the top of your dad’s head.
- Denise, I want you to come down from there right now, honey.
- That’s it. Good.
- Coming over that pole. Very slowly. That’s it.
- ‘Just be careful.’
- Okay.
- I would have been careful.
- Oh, I know you would have been, sweetheart.
- I tell you what, why don’t you go play on the teeter-totter right now, okay, and I promise when you come home
- I’ll show you the top of my head, okay?
- I gotta go pick up Vicky so if you would..
- …wear that.
- Now let me give you a big kiss goodbye.
- What’s wrong?
- – I don’t want a kiss. – Why not?
- Stop treating me like a little baby.
- Danny, it was one of the greatest stories I-I ever covered.
- When the sultan agreed to let me interview him I thought I would die.
- And everything was going great until that camel exploded.
- Yeah, that can happen.
- Did you know that those humps are filled with, uh, candy like a pinata?
- Life’s like that.
- Are those, uh, scuff marks on your kitchen floor?
- What? I just waxed. Where?
- Well, I finally got your attention.
- Oh, well, well, I’m sorry, Vicky. I can’t stop thinking about Michelle.
- Why wouldn’t she kiss me?
- Do I embarrass her?
- I didn’t start to embarrass D.J. or Stephanie until they were at least 10 or 11.
- Well, kids nowadays get embarrassed by their parents at a much younger age.
- – Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Michelle. – ‘Hey, Vicky. Hi, dad.’
- – Hey, Steph. – Hi, Vicky.
- Father.
- Did you see that?
- She’s so angry with me.
- She said I treat her like a baby.
- Well, dad, sometimes you can be a little overprotective.
- – Me? – Yeah.
- Last week, I was at the mall talking to Lucas Killian the cutest boy in my class.
- Dad notices my shoes were untied so he gets down on the floor to tie them.
- I was afraid you would trip.
- I did…over you.
- Hey, guys. Hey, I need your help.
- I’m-I’m finally close to making a decision, okay?
- Now, you guys tell me which cup you like for the Smash Club, alright?
- This one says, “Here’s a club that gives me a lot of value for my money.”
- And this one says, “Boy, this place must be hip ‘cause I’m getting ripped off.”
- Hey, Uncle Jesse, some guy just brought some more samples. – They’re in the living room. – Okay.
- More samples. Jess, you gotta do something.
- This place is starting to look like a showroom. I mean, neighbors are starting to browse.
- Alright, alright, alright. You know what? I’m-I’m ready to sit down and make a decision.
- And I’ve got just the place for you to sit.
- You know, it’s an interesting look but.. …personally, I would have gone with chairs.
- Wh-wh-what is this? What did, I-I wanted a catalog or something.
- Well, good luck, Uncle Jesse.
- And, uh, don’t forget to put the seat down.
- Oh, sorry. I’ll come back later.
- Get back here.
- I’m in trouble.
- Well, try reading the newspaper. It always works for me.
- I mean, I-I can’t make a decision, Joey. This whole thing is so overwhelming.
- The-the-the Smash Club, you know what? It’s going right down the..
- Well, you get the picture.
- I don’t know what to do.
- – Jess. – Hmm?
- Don’t get up.
- Would you like, uh, chicken or hamburger for dinner?
- Becky, I don’t know. I don’t know. I can’t, I-I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know, I can’t take the pressure.
- – Okay, fish. – Fine, fine.
- I give up. You know what, I just, I give up.
- Honey, you know what? You’re right. You are. You’re putting much too much pressure on yourself. Now just sit down here..
- Actually, we can do this standing.
- Now, sweetheart, think back a little bit. What was the easiest decision you ever made?
- Well, the day I decided to marry you.
- And why was that so easy?
- ‘Cause I knew I loved you and I had this incredibly good feeling.
- Okay, which toilet gives you
- that same incredibly good feeling?
- I don’t know. We just met.
- Oh, come on, Jess, which one of these beauties can you see yourself walking down the beach with?
- Well, promise you won’t get jealous?
- To be honest with you, I did get a little tingly when I saw this one.
- Well, you’ve just selected “The Flush Master 2000.”
- It’s a dandy for your fanny.
- “Chicago 60609.” Congratulations, Jess. You’ve just made a decision.
- Yeah. I did, didn’t I?
- Feels kind of good. You know, here’s the catch. I just gotta go with my instinct, that’s all.
- I think it’s gonna to be beautiful.
- Potty.
- Oh, not just any potty, son. That’s The Flush Master 2000. I picked it myself.
- Potty now.
- Jess, he’s serious. He’s finally ready to use the potty.
- My man. Whoa, no, no, no, son. No, son.
- These are loaners.
- Uh, uh, ahem.
- This might help you out, buddy.
- Thank you, Joey.
- – Hi, Michelle. – Hi.
- I know you’re upset about what happened today.
- – And I think I understand why. – Why?
- Well, honey, I’ve-I’ve been having a hard time letting go.
- After all, you’re my last baby. I mean, um, you’re my last big girl
- And-and from now on, that’s how I’m gonna be treating you. Like a big girl.
- – Really? – Really.
- Can I pick out my own clothes?
- Yeah, I think you’re ready.
- Can I…bring lunch money?
- [chuckles] Long as you don’t blow it all on pudding.
- Can I get a tattoo?
- Only if it washes off in the tub, okay?
- Alright, deal.
- Okay.
- And, and, sweetheart. Look, if, uh, if it embarrasses you when I kiss you
- I’m gonna, I’m gonna try to remember it and respect that, okay?
- Thanks.
- Okay. Goodnight, Michelle.
- Goodnight, daddy.
- I wonder if Miss Ryan knows she didn’t give us any homework.
- I better go back and check.
- No.
- Send her a postcard.
- Hey, guys, spread out.
- Here, Derek.
- It’s all in the wrist.
- Way to go, Derek. You’re two for two.
- – Sorry. – I’ll get it.
- I thought your dad said you couldn’t climb up there.
- I can if I want to. I’m a big girl.
- You threw it. Why don’t you get it?
- I would.. …but I can’t take the chance.
- Cello.
- Hey, I made it.
- I’m really up here.
- Michelle, this is Derek S. Boyd speaking.
- Whatever you do, don’t look down.
- Too late.
- Michelle, are you coming down or what?
- I can’t. I’m too scared.
- Hey, Derek. Hey, Denise.
- Where’s Michelle? I haven’t seen her.
- You’re not looking high enough.
- – Daddy! – Michelle, what are you doing?
- Holding on really tight.
- She climbed to the top, sir, and I believe she choked.
- Daddy, I can’t get down. Come and get me.
- Honey, you can do this on your own. Just come back down the same way you went up.
- I can’t. I’m sorry.
- I’ll wear the hat. I won’t buy lunch. I won’t get a tattoo. Just get me down.
- Honey, did you hear me? I said you’re a big girl, okay?
- – You can do this on your own. – Are you sure?
- (Danny) ‘I’m positive.’
- A really great man once said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
- I believe falling is also a consideration.
- Michelle, honey, I know you can do this. I’m right behind you. I’m not gonna let you fall.
- Just come down slowly.
- Okay.
- Good. That’s it. Now, it’s just like a step now. There’s a, there’s a metal pole there.
- ‘That’s right. Easy now.’
- ‘Just step. That’s good.’
- ‘It’s like a ladder.’
- Michelle, you’re doing this all by yourself.
- I’m not helping you. You’re almost there.
- Just, like, two more steps.
- – Yay! – You did it, honey!
- Well, that was exhilarating.
- Okay, show’s over. There’s nothing more to see here.
- Thanks for helping me down, daddy.
- You’re welcome.
- And I kind of remember telling you not to climb up there in the first place.
- But you said I was a big girl. I thought I could decide for myself.
- Yeah, well, part of being a big girl is knowing whether what you’re doing is dangerous or not.
- I didn’t know that part.
- I think it’s gonna take a little while for both of us to get used to you being a big girl.
- – We’ll help each other. – It’s a deal.
- Michelle, you-you didn’t have to kiss me in front of all your friends.
- I know, but I wanted to.
- I’m a big girl. It was my decision.
- I can live with that.
- Okay, second show’s over. Nothing more to see here.
- Okay, why don’t you grab your backpack? So do you wanna drive home or should I?
- – I’ll drive home. – You’re gonna drive, huh?
- You know how to work an automatic?
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