- We’ll have a little chateaubriand a little Dom Perignon.
- Yes, and for dessert…an empty house.
- You know the family’s going away to Disneyland. Yeah.
- Two points.
- Well, they’re leavin’ in three minutes. So, if you leave now, make all the lights
- you’ll be here in four minutes and two minutes after that
- you and I’ll be in each other’s arms
- gazing into each other’s eyes doing a little thing I like to call..
- Uncle Jesse!
- The hokey-pokey. Bye, Aunt Irene.
- What is it, kid?
- – I’m going to Disneyland! – Alright!
- Disneyland! Disneyland! Disneyland! Come on, everybody! We’re gonna be late for Disneyland! Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland!
- (Jesse) ‘Stephanie! Hold it!’
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Alright, take a deep breath now, relax. Inhale, exhale.
- Very good. You okay?
- – I’m fine. – Good.
- Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland! Why aren’t we at Disneyland?
- Steph, Steph. Calm down.
- Disneyland, Disneyland, Disneyland! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!
- I think you need to switch the kid to decaf.
- Steph, the plane won’t leave any earlier just because we’re the first ones on it.
- If we’re the first ones on, we’ll be the first ones off and the first ones in line for the Matterhorn.
- Matterhorn?
- D.J., tell me again how it’s gonna be.
- Well, Disneyland has the greatest rides. While you’re standing in line Mickey and Minnie Mouse come up and play with you.
- No! Why are we yakking about? We could be there! Come on, let’s go.
- Joey, open the door before she goes through it.
- Yeah. Stephanie’s right. Tinker Bell’s awaiting. Come on, everyone, skedaddle. Let’s go.
- Yeah. Let’s skedaddle.
- Right. Here we go. We’re leaving. Everyone’s– I’m going.
- Jesse, you sure you don’t wanna come along with us?
- Are you kidding? No, no, no! Who’s gonna pick up the mail?
- Who’s gonna get the newspaper? Who’ll feed the dog?
- Uh, Jess. We don’t have a dog.
- Well, just because it’s not our dog doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feed him.
- Uncle Jesse, I really wish you were coming along
- but if we don’t leave soon, I’m gonna go bananas!
- She’s right. Any minute, bam. Bananas. Let’s go. Everyone.
- ♪ Heigh-ho heigh-ho ♪ ♪ La la la ♪
- They’re going to Disneyland!
- Yeah.
- You know, it’s amazing. I mean, you’ve been playin’ tennis all your life.
- I just started today and I beat you three straight sets. That’s wild!
- What are you smilin’ about?
- Nothing. I’m just smiling.
- You’re not just smiling. That’s a you let me win smile, isn’t it?
- Tell me you didn’t let me win.
- I didn’t let you win.
- Oh. She let me win.
- You tough guys are so cute.
- Oh, man, this is great. Listen, nothing.
- Sam, did you realize that you and I’ve been going out a month and it’s the first time we’ve been alone together.
- I know. With me living at my folks’ house.
- Yeah, and me livin’ at Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.
- But tonight…you and I will play house.
- You know what? We’re gonna celebrate.
- We’re gonna celebrate, I’m gonna make you the most romantic candlelight dinner you’ve ever had in your whole life.
- Ooh. That sounds perfect.
- So, what will it be?
- Extra crispy or original recipe?
- That’s cute. I’m gonna go take a shower and I’ll be thinkin’ about you.
- Have mercy!
- And if you hear me laughing it’s ‘cause I’m thinking of your backhand.
- Look out!
- ♪ I’m just a loony love machine ♪ ♪ And I won’t work for no money but ♪
- ♪ Ooh babe ♪
- ♪ I’m a love machine ♪
- ♪ I am just a love machine ♪
- Too obvious.
- ♪ I am just that wacky crazy love machine ♪
- Sammy, brought you some champagne.
- ‘Jesse.’
- Can’t blame me for tryin’.
- – ‘Thank you.’ – Here you are.
- If you excuse me, I’m going to slip into my evening attire now.
- Okay, let’s go.
- Come on, Steph.
- Missing Disneyland isn’t the end of the world.
- Hey, you know airplanes can’t fly when it’s foggy.
- I hate fog.
- Birds can fly in fog. We should’ve taken a bird.
- Steph, I promise, we’ll go to Disneyland another time.
- Yeah, it was Michelle’s first time, too. Look how well she’s takin’ it.
- What does she know? She puts her food up her nose.
- Steph, I’ll tell you what. I got a great idea.
- We’re gonna make tonight family fun night right here at home.
- Hey, what could be more fun than that?
- I’ll tell you what. Something that’s starts with a D. and ends with a land.
- These disappointments are really tough on a 6-year-old.
- I still can’t believe we missed “Captain EO.”
- ♪ I am just an LM ♪ ♪ And I won’t work for nobody but you ♪
- Steph, what do you wanna do tonight?
- Mope.
- I’ll drop off the kid.
- I’ll let Jesse know we’re back.
- Jesse, we got fogged in. We’re back.
- What did you say, Jess?
- Hey, Jess. You wear these clothes every time we leave the house?
- Have mercy.
- – You’re not Jesse. – Neither are you.
- I’m Samantha.
- I’m me. Uh, Danny.
- That’s, uh, short for Daniel. It’s long for Dan.
- Look, maybe I should just get dressed.
- Oh, no, no. Not in there. Your clothes would get wet. Excuse me.
- Door used to be over there.
- I’m really sorry. Imagine my surprise.
- Imagine if you came in and saw me in the shower.
- Then you’d really be sorry. Trust me.
- Oh, uh, there’s, there’s shampoo and conditioner in there
- and there’s some Woolite on the shelf in case you want to soak a fine washable.
- Thank you.
- Jesse!
- Oh, no. It couldn’t be.
- Could it?
- Wow! Look at all the food.
- Oh, yum.
- Steph, this is great. Let’s take a trip to Dinnerland.
- Oh, it’s Dinnerland. There’s lots of fun here.
- Oh, I love it here at Dinnerland.
- Oh, shrimp. Oh, yum, yum, yum.
- – Hey, Jess. How’s it goin’? – Hi, Uncle Jesse.
- Let go of my shrimp! Put down my sh..
- Why aren’t you guys at Disneyland?
- Fog, fog, fog. I hate fog.
- Jesse, I-I just met your friend upstairs. She’s very…clean.
- Okay, sure hope we didn’t ruin your weekend, Jess.
- Oh, no. Why would you think that? Just because I’ve been waiting a month to be with Sam.
- I’ve waited five and a half years to go to Disneyland.
- I hate fog.
- I really hate fog.
- Okay! Are we ready for family fun night?
- Hot dog.
- Hot dog.
- I know, let’s sing your favorite one from school.
- I got it all planned. Here we go. Jesse, you play the guitar.
- D.J., you play the tambourine.
- Jess, do you know “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands?”
- Oh, yeah, that was on Motley Crue’s first Christmas album, right?
- On three. Everybody! One, two, three!
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands ♪ ♪ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands ♪
- Take it, Steph!
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it ♪
- ♪ Then your smile will surely show it ♪
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands ♪♪
- Yay! Wasn’t that festive?
- Next verse, on three! One, two, three!
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet ♪ Everybody.
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it stomp your feet ♪
- [imitating Popeye] ♪ If you’re happy and you know it ♪
- ♪ Then your smile will surely shows it ♪ ♪ If you’re happy and you know it ♪
- Hey. Stomp your feet, would ya? A-gah-gah-gah-gah!
- Do you guys have this much fun every night?
- Yeah, it’s hard to believe, isn’t it?
- Steph, are we having a good time?
- It’s no Country Bear Jamboree.
- Honey, if you don’t think about…you know where it’ll be a lot easier.
- I know! We’ll sing “Row Row Row Your Boat.” We’ll do it as a round. It’ll be great!
- Dad, that’s dopey.
- Dopey! Don’t say that!
- Honey, look, it’s been a long day. I know, you’re-you’re tired, you’re worn-out, you’re grumpy.
- – Grumpy! – Sorry.
- What I meant was you’re probably very slee.. Exhausted.
- You were gonna say sleepy.
- Thanks for trying, but family fun night’s just not any fun.
- Guess that kinda puts a damper on Simon Says.
- I’ll go talk to her.
- Here. Take your kid.
- Why don’t we go into the kitchen so that, uh..
- (Joey) ‘So that Jesse doesn’t have to make that face.’
- Can you believe it, sport? We’re finally alone.
- You know, your family’s terrific. I had a great time tonight.
- Yeah, but we could’ve had a really great time tonight.
- Well, let’s do it tomorrow night.
- I know this terrific bed and breakfast place in the Napa Valley.
- That sounds so..
- …so frustrating. I promised I’d babysit the munchkin tomorrow night.
- Well, another time.
- Hey, they’ve gotta get that little girl to Disneyland some day.
- I’m gonna miss you tonight.
- What are you doin’ here?
- Here. Here’s five bucks. Go catch a movie.
- Steph, how you doin’?
- I’ve been better.
- I know how you feel.
- No, you don’t. You’ve been to Disneyland.
- Yeah, but I know what’s it like not to get what you want.
- Remember when I was supposed to do that Oat Boats cereal commercial and you got it instead?
- Well, what did I do? Did I mope?
- No. You chased me around the kitchen and tried to kill me.
- Okay. Bad example.
- Well, there’s only one sure way to make you smile.
- The tickle monster!
- It’s not working.
- Then how come you’re laughing?
- I’m not. This is sad laughing.
- Steph, I’m so glad to see you happy.
- That didn’t count. Tickle monster made me laugh.
- Stephanie, you have every reason to be sad and I completely understand.
- Thank you.
- Look, Steph, I want you to really think about this.
- You’re not always gonna get your own way. While you’re spending all this time being sad about missing out on one thing
- you’re missing out on a lot of other fun things. Like our family sing-along.
- That wasn’t so much fun.
- It wasn’t fun for you because you didn’t want it to be fun.
- I had fun. And D.J. had fun. Right, Deej?
- Ah, it was okay.
- Fun. Big fun.
- So, it’s up to you. Either you can feel sorry for yourself. Or you can feel bad for a little while
- and then shake it off and move on to the next fun thing.
- But I think I know what you’re gonna do because you like to smile too much.
- – Right? – I guess so.
- Steph, I know something fun we can do right now.
- Well, it has to do with dad and a certain monster.
- – Uh-oh. – “Uh-oh” is right.
- Here comes the tickle monster! Tickle, tickle, tickle!
- ♪ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands ♪ ♪ If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands ♪
- ♪ Go over there and leave me alone ♪ ♪ Comb your hair right over there ♪
- Come on, stop it! I can’t take it.
- Hey, Jess, what’s going on?
- I don’t know. Joey, every time I come in this room, it seems like there’s more pink bunnies on the wall.
- Well, you know how rabbits are.
- Joey, sit down a second.
- Joseph, can I talk to you man to…no, man to you?
- Sure, buddy. Hey, you look a little down. Look, I’m sorry if we wrecked your night with Samantha.
- No, it’s not just Samantha, it’s..
- Joseph, be honest with me. Doesn’t living here get to you sometimes?
- – No. – Never?
- Never. I love it.
- You mean to tell me, you love changing diapers making school lunches, chasing the girls all around town
- changing diapers, helping them with their homework picking up their toys, did I mention changing diapers?
- Some of those tasks are more rewarding than others.
- Alright, why? Why, Joey, why are you happy here?
- Well, Jess, I think it’s because when I was growing up I didn’t have brothers and sisters.
- And I like being part of a big family.
- I like having people to care about, that includes you.
- Thank you.
- And besides, this is the only place I’ve ever lived that always has ice cream in the freezer.
- Pass.
- Joey, though..
- Don’t you ever ask yourself, what am I doin’?
- I mean, I used to be this freewheelin’
- livin’ on the edge, no strings kinda guy.
- And now..
- Now, it seems like I’m-I’m married or somethin’.
- I mean, I have all the responsibilities and hassles of three kids, yet I can’t even deduct them from my taxes.
- Well, technically you could if you married Danny.
- Joey, do you realize every night I sleep here, I sleep alone?
- Want to get bunk beds?
- No, I don’t.. Joey, I’m pouring my heart out here to you and you’re making jokes.
- I know. I’m sorry. Alright, talk to me.
- I don’t know, I..
- I guess it’s this whole situation it’s just gettin’ to me. I mean, I have zero privacy.
- I-I-I try to write my music and I have all these distractions.
- I-I write music, I write it out-out of my own life experiences, you know?
- My last three songs have been about changing diapers the measles and tub toys.
- I thought that tub toy song was very danceable.
- I just feel I have things to accomplish in my life, you know?
- I mean, there’s things that I wanna do and there’s things I wanna experience, and..
- I don’t know, but maybe.. Maybe livin’ here is holding me back.
- I don’t know what the hell’s happened to my life, pal. But I gotta regain control of it.
- Hey, Jess, look at the bright side.
- If you hadn’t moved in here we’d never be as close as we are.
- I know.
- Hey…sleep on it.
- Thank you, my friend.
- (Samantha) ‘Jesse?’
- Samantha?
- Jesse?
- Sammy, what are you doin’ here?
- I just wanted to see you.
- Yeah, you shouldn’t be in here. Everybody’s home.
- Uncle Jesse, will you help me with my homework?
- D.J., it’s the middle of night.
- But the closer I study to my test, the less I forget.
- Uncle Jesse, will you give me a piggyback ride?
- Uncle Jesse doesn’t wanna give you a piggyback ride.
- Yes, he does.
- No, he doesn’t.
- Yes, he does.
- No, he doesn’t.
- Yes, he does.
- Uncle Jesse, change my diaper.
- You can’t talk!
- And you’re not allowed to have girls here.
- Girls, you gotta go. Come on. Everyone. Off to bed. Let’s go. Come on.
- Oh, good, guys, okay, great. Take over for me.
- It’s your turn.
- You’re their uncle.
- We could be so happy.
- Everybody out. Everybody go. Come on, let’s go! Everyone, go, go, go.
- Hold it. You, you can stay.
- (D.J.) Uncle Jesse?
- Help me with my homework.
- I want a piggyback ride.
- (Joey) Jesse? It’s your turn.
- You’re their uncle.
- We could be so happy.
- Change me.
- Feed me.
- Change me. Feed me.
- ‘Feed me.’
- Change me! Feed me! Change me! Feed me!
- Feed me! Change me! Feed me.
- Oh, my God. There’s two Michelles. They’re multiplying!
- Change me! Feed me!
- – You’re their uncle. – Your turn.
- – Help me with my homework. – You’re their uncle.
- No!
- I want a piggyback ride.
- Help me with my homework.
- It’s your turn.
- You’re their uncle.
- We could be so happy.
- – Change me! – Feed me! Change me! Feed me!
- Oh! I can’t take it anymore. I gotta get out of this house.
- Jess, wake up! Rise and shine!
- Come on, let’s go! Get up!
- “Guys, I didn’t wanna wake anybody up “so I left this note.
- “I need to get away for a while.
- “I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know when I’ll be back. “Or even if I will be back.
- “I don’t think it’s working out for me here.
- “I’ll call soon. Tell the girls I love them.
- “Jesse.”
- Jesse ran away from home?
- I’m hungry.
- Where’s Uncle Jesse?
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