- It’s time to…slide your little tushies off.
- Ready? Go, buddy.
- Watch me, daddy.
- Okay, play.
- Yay! Excellent job. High-five, brother.
- – Alright. – Watch me, daddy.
- Okay! Excellent job. High-five, brother.
- Brother. Alright.
- Hey, Jess, uh, how come the outdoor play set
- isn’t, oh, I don’t know.. Outdoors?
- Don’t ask me. Ask Danny. He banned us from the backyard.
- Oh, that’s right. He’s reseeding the grass.
- Honey, please. Could you not use the word “Recede” around you know who?
- Well, Jesse, it’s gonna take three weeks for the grass to grow in.
- I know, honey, but I promised the kids I’d build this for ‘em. When I make a promise to my children I don’t break it.
- God knows I tried, though.
- [sighs] They begged, they pleaded..
- …they gave me the, uh, lip.
- Well, this is great. This is gonna be like living in a playground for three weeks.
- Don’t blame me. Blame Danny.
- In fact, you know, that sounds like an excellent idea. Excuse me. I’m gonna go blame Danny.
- Uh, Jess, you can’t blame Danny.
- – Why not? – You can’t leave.
- ‘Why?’
- Danny’s waxing the hallway floor.
- We’re gonna be stuck in here for about an hour.
- Oh, great. I’m a prisoner in my own attic.
- Daddy, you slide.
- Well, son, daddy’s not really in the mood to slide.
- (Jesse) ‘There it is. There it is.’ The lip again. I’m a sucker for the lip.
- Alright, come on. I’ll give you guys a ride on the slide.
- You go with me. Hang on, brother.
- Alright. Here we go. Ready? Set.
- Go!
- ♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
- Come on, Joey, you’ve been in there almost an hour.
- Almost an hour.
- I reserved the bathroom for exactly an hour.
- Oh, Joey, come on. I have a date tonight.
- Hey, I followed all the rules. I filled out all the forms. I even sent out a memo.
- (D.J.) ‘Joey, come on!’
- Joey!
- Hey, did you know Joey reserved the bathroom for a whole hour?
- Gotta read those memos.
- Oh, no. Harmonica Girl lives.
- Michelle, give me a break. It’s been three days.
- I have to practice “Down In The Valley.”
- Why don’t you practice down in the basement?
- I have to study.
- In case you’re wondering why my name is on the wall
- it’s because it’s my room, too.
- Come on.
- Dad, you gotta help me. Joey’s never coming out.
- D.J., he can’t stay in there forever. He’s gotta eat sometime.
- Thanks, dude.
- Joey! Joey!
- When you’re finished, there better not be a pepperoni ring around the tub.
- Give it back, harmonica-stealer.
- No way, music-murderer.
- – No! Dad. – Help!
- Stop fighting. Dad does not want to hear your petty problems.
- Dad, I’m not gonna have enough time to dry my hair.
- Guys! Guys! Guys! Hey! Hey!
- I can only handle one problem at a time, okay.
- Now, cover me. I’m going in.
- Get back.
- Oh, this is a pretty picture.
- You know, I-I love Italian food in the bathroom as much as the next guy, but..
- Don’t you think you’ve been here long enough?
- Danny…I share a bathroom with three girls.
- There’s always someone in here blow-drying moisturizing, tweezing.
- All I’m asking for is an hour of peace and quiet where I can gather my thoughts.
- Yeah, I guess you’re right.
- Every man deserves a chance to-to sit back and reflect on the deeper meanings of life.
- Thank you, Danny.
- Alright, tub hockey! Here we go!
- Sharks versus the ducks!
- (Joey) ‘Charge!’
- Hey, Danny, I’ve been thinking.
- You know, it’s time you start showin’ a little consideration for some of the other people who live in this house.
- Why don’t we start with knocking on the bathroom door when a guy’s in the tub?
- Just eat your pizza, bubble boy.
- Now, you, I gotta talk to you about a few things, you know..
- Alright, first of all, you close the backyard You don’t consult me…okay.
- You wax the floor, again you don’t consult me.
- You rearrange the cupboard, you defrost the refrigerator
- you-you scotch guard my high school yearbook again you don’t consult me.
- Do you see a pattern going on here?
- Yes. You complain a lot.
- That better not be the falafel guy.
- – Dad! – Dad!
- – Dad! – Dad! I mean, Danny..
- I had to set up a play set for my kids in my own room.
- Would everybody please chill? There’s somebody at the door.
- There’s nobody at the door!
- Okay, hold it! Hold it!
- (Danny) ‘Okay…after dinner tonight’
- we’ll have a family meeting and everybody can just put all their complaints and lodge them formally.
- Good. ‘Cause let me tell you a little somethin’. I’m gonna lodge a large one.
- Well, I’m squeaky clean.
- – Bathroom’s free. – I gotta go.
- – Me first. – No, me.
- My garlic bread.
- Oh, this house has really changed.
- You’re not kidding. It never had a strange man in it before.
- Forgive me. The name is Bond. Lou Bond.
- Your daughter let me in.
- My daughters are all upstairs. They’re gonna hear me if I scream.
- Hey, stretch.
- Your downstairs daughter.
- You’re running low on the moo juice, pops.
- I’m running low on patience, Gibbs.
- Ew! This stuff’s gone chunky.
- And it’s yours as a lovely parting gift. Kimmy Gibbler, go on home!
- Wait a minute.
- Lou Bond..
- …of the Bond Foundation?
- Bond Plaza? The Bond Trade Towers?
- Uh. The Bond Trade Towers was my father.
- And this was our house before daddy hit it big.
- I lived here the first 12 years of my life.
- Lots of marvelous memories.
- Really?
- Maybe you could explain to me about the scuff mark that was on the landing when we moved in.
- Okay, why don’t I show you around?
- – Oh, alright. – Right this way, please.
- Alright, if he wants to have a family meeting I’ll make a list of complaints.
- My first complaint..
- …I hate family meetings.
- Jess, give it a rest, huh?
- Hey, uh, the boys are napping.
- And you know what that means?
- – Oh, yeah. – We get to use the slide.
- – No, honey. I wanna go first. – I’m go first.
- No, no! Let me go first! No, you get back here right now.
- The ears. Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Guys…I hope we’re not interrupting anything weird.
- No problem.
- Uh, Jesse, Rebecca, this is, uh, Lou.
- Bond Lou.
- I screwed that up, didn’t I?
- – How do you do, Lou? – How do you do?
- – Hi. Nice to meet you. – Nice to meet you.
- Ah, uh, Mr. Bond actually grew up in this house.
- – Really. – Oh, look. They’re still there
- the initials I carved in the beam
- B. L. B.
- Uh, Mr. Tanner, I’d, uh, like to talk to you about something.
- What do you say to cigars on the back porch?
- I’d say, “Hello, cigars it’s a lovely evening we’re having, isn’t it.”
- Little cigar humor. Kind of a joke.
- Good one.
- No, no, no!
- Okay.
- You all know, I called this little family meeting because we’ve all be getting on each other’s nerves.
- Which is bound to happen when so many nerves live so close together.
- What I’m about to say might actually solve everyone’s problems.
- We’re sending Michelle to harmonica camp?
- We’re sending you to be-a-nicer-sister camp!
- Girls, girls, girls, make up.
- Okay, now that’s taken care of.
- On the more important matters.
- Alright.
- “Lack of consideration..
- “…on March 4, 1989, Danny paints the banister “without telling anyone.
- “I slide down said banister
- “on the way to a job interview at which I am nicknamed Skunk Pants.”
- Jess, I still have the floor here.
- Fine, if you gonna have the floor and you’re gonna wax it, tell us.
- Okay. Alright.
- Now, as you all know, Mr. Bond
- Lou Bond..
- …is a very wealthy man.
- Now, he has everything he’s ever wanted his entire life except for one thing.
- To live here in the house he grew up in.
- Forget it. There’s enough people living here already.
- He’s sharing your bathroom.
- [chuckles] No, guys, he doesn’t wanna live here with us.
- He wants to buy the house.
- – He wants to buy our house? – What?
- Yes. Yes, and he’s offering me twice what it’s worth.
- Yeah, which means we could buy an even bigger house in this exact same neighborhood. and then may-be we wouldn’t drive each other so crazy maybe.
- – That’s a great idea. – Let’s do that.
- – I can have my own room. – I can have my own bathroom.
- I can have my own kitchen, I can have my own living room I can have my own backyard.
- Honey, it’s called the house.
- That’s what I’m saying, I mean.. You know, we’ve been talking about moving to our own house someday.
- Maybe-maybe that someday is now.
- Well, the boys could use some more growing space. I mean, they’re not getting any shorter.
- I’m definitely ready to move into my own place. After all, I’m a grown man.
- Plus I need more shelf space for my toys.
- [laughs] You know, what I think this is the first family meeting where we all actually agree on something.
- Well, that-that’s it then. I mean, we’re-we’re out of here. We’re moving.
- – This is great. – I can’t believe it.
- Look, Jess, look at this house on Linwood Street.
- – It’s got a big backyard.. – Huh. – Central air.. – Hmm.
- And a hot tub.
- Ooh, a hot tub. I love hot tubs.
- Hey, hey, boys.
- How would you like to live in a house with a hot tub?
- What’s a hot tub?
- It’s cool. I-I-it’s like, uh, it’s like, uh a really big bathtub.
- No bath.
- No way.
- No, no, guys, this tub is outside
- and you don’t have to use soap.
- Now you tell me.
- Oh, hey, Michelle, hot tub party our new house, be there.
- You got a new house already?
- No we don’t have it yet, but we’re just, uh we’re looking, I mean, it’s kind of fun to think about, huh?
- Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about it.
- Good.
- – What do you got? – Hey, Jess, look at this.
- This house has central blow-drying.
- Let me see that.
- Let me.. Where?
- Gotcha.
- So my mom says if you buy a condo from her real estate office
- I get half the commission plus one of those really cool yellow jackets.
- Oh, hey, look at this one, huh? Natural Meadows.
- Yeah, yeah, I sold one of those yesterday.
- Wow, and look at all these cool activities lawn bowling
- shuffleboard, tether ball.
- Oh, and look how happy everyone is.
- That’s ‘cause they’re all naked. It’s a nudist colony.
- Oh, my God! I better give Father O’Connell his check back.
- Thanks. I was playing the blues.
- I liked the part when the spit shot out.
- When I decorate my own room I’m gonna put my bed by my window my dress above my door
- and Michelle down the hall.
- Michelle, when we move out you’re gonna have your own room. If Stephanie comes in, you can throw her out.
- Can I practice now?
- Later, dad said we have to clean up because tonight Mr. Bond’s coming for an inspection.
- What’s he inspecting for?
- Well, he has to check everything out make sure everything’s perfect or else he won’t buy the house.
- You know, make sure the foundation is straight there are no leaks and especially that there’s no infestation.
- What’s infestation?
- You know…vermin.
- Disgusting stuff like termites, rats
- silverfish, roaches.
- – Eww! – Exactly.
- But don’t worry. Dad’s devoted his life to keeping vermin out of the house.
- Except Kimmy.
- I don’t wanna move. I like the way all live together.
- Then you better flunk that inspection.
- How do we do that?
- [inhales deeply] We’re your friends. We’ll help you.
- We need a plan. Let’s put our heads together.
- Hello. I’d like to order some vermin.
- Thanks anyways. Bye.
- What did he say?
- They don’t sell them. They only kill them.
- We need another plan.
- Okay.. But keep away from my head.
- Hello again, Mr. Tanner.
- Ah, Mr. Bond, come on in.
- My home is your home, but not until the check clears.
- Just feel free to laugh any time.
- Michelle, why didn’t you go to dinner with everybody else?
- I wanted to stay for the inspection.
- Sweetheart, it’s gonna be kind of boring.
- Maybe not.
- Okay, you know what why don’t we just start with the living room here?
- Dad, did you mention the leaky roof?
- What are you talking about, honey? The roof is in perfect condition.
- You’ll have to excuse my daughter.
- That’s very odd. I just felt some water on my head.
- Told ya. Leaky roof.
- Michelle, we do not have a leaky roof.
- In fact, it’s not even raining. That’s not even the roof.
- Tell that to the guy with the wet head.
- And this would be my daughter D.J’s room.
- I hope everything’s okay in there.
- Michelle, what happened here?
- Everything’s slanted. It must be the foundation.
- See? Whoa!
- I wouldn’t wanna buy a house this crooked.
- Something’s crooked here and it’s not the foundation.
- Why, father, whatever do you mean?
- You guys better get over here. You got a big infestation.
- I can’t wait.
- Mr. Bond, I assure you there has not now nor has there ever been a bug or rodent in this house.
- Oh, it’s worse than that.
- You’ve got a bad case of dogs.
- Michelle, what are all those dogs doing in your room?
- A lot of..
- We’re home.
- Yeah. We brought you a doggie bag!
- Huh. Must be Comet’s poker night.
- Wait up, dogs!
- We should have gone with the dead vermin’s.
- What’s going on around here?
- Michelle, we need to talk
- and expect the phrase “Grounded for life” to come up a lot.
- Mr. Bond, I am so sorry.
- Michelle, if you were so upset about moving why didn’t you come and talk to us about it?
- You were all going crazy.
- Everybody was talking about hot tubs and telephones in the bathroom.
- Nobody cared that we’re not gonna be living together anymore.
- Sweetheart, we care.
- We were just trying to make things a little better around here.
- It already is better.
- It’s the best house I ever lived in.
- Michelle, it’s the only house you ever lived in.
- It’s a great house. Everything happened here.
- Don’t you guys remember?
- Yeah. Sure we remember, Michelle. We-we-we all love this house.
- Well, if you love this house then why are we moving?
- Aren’t you gonna miss us?
- There it is, the lip. The lip. That’s where Nicky and Alex get it.
- Well, that was a Hallmark moment.
- But, now back to business, Mr. Tanner. What check would you prefer?
- I have Giants of American Industry or kittens in a cookie jar.
- Hold on, sir.
- You know what? Michelle’s right.
- This house is more than just walls and a ceiling.
- It’s our lives.
- Yeah, I remember when we first moved in here with mom.
- And this place was so big. It was like a castle.
- You know, I remember when I couldn’t even reach that counter.
- Joey had to lift me up to get to the cookie jar.
- Hmm, well, I wasn’t gonna leave my fingerprints on the lid, that’s for sure.
- Danny, when I moved in I-I thought I’d be here for a few months to help you you know, help you raise the girls and everything
- I mean I had no idea I’d be living here seven years getting married in this house, raising my own kids here.
- It’s the best move I ever made.
- Thanks for reminding me, Michelle.
- No problem.
- Well, Jess, I guess that hot tub will have to wait.
- We don’t have a lot of room here
- but we have a lot of love, a lot of laughs
- and a lot of babysitters. Oh, yeah!
- You heard him, Mr. Bond we’re not selling our house.
- Are we, dad?
- Are we, dad?
- Danny?
- No. Guys…don’t worry.
- We’re not moving.
- Mr. Bond, I think what everybody here is trying to tell you is
- there’s no amount of money that would break up this family.
- Now, that’s funny.
- You’re actually serious.
- Hey, you guys gotta help me out.
- Mom and I are having this big argument.
- Okay, now, which stinks more, my sneakers or my clogs?
- You again. Who are you?
- [British accent] The next door neighbor.
- Sometimes things work out for the best.
- The sneakers.
- Kimmy, guess what? We’re staying.
- Alright.
- But your shoes are leaving.
- Well, that cleared the yard.
- Comet, you live here.
- We all live here.
- 暮らしやすくなるよ
- 今も暮らしやすいよ
- この家は最高だもん
- ここしか知らないでしょ
- でも思い出がいっぱいだよ
- 忘れちゃった？
- 覚えてるさ この家は好きだよ
- 好きなら なぜ引っ越すの？
- 寂しくない？
- その唇だ 双子がマネてる
- 感動のドラマをどうも
- 支払いだが どちらの小切手がいい？
- “産業界の大物たち”の絵柄か “クッキー缶の中の猫”か
- 少しお待ちを
- ミシェルは正しいよ
- この家は ただの建物じゃない
- 僕らの人生だ
- ママとここに 越してきた時―
- 大きい家に感じた お城みたいに
- 私はカウンターに 届かなくて―
- よくジョーイにだっこされた
- ニ人でクッキーの盗み食いを
- 俺は数か月だけ 子守りを手伝う予定が―
- 以来７年も住んで結婚し 自分の子供まで育ててる
- 来てよかった
- ありがと ミシェル
- いいの
- ホット･タブはお預けね
- ここは狭いけど 愛情いっぱいだわ
- ここは狭いけど 愛情いっぱいだわ 笑いにあふれ 子守りも大勢いる
- 笑いにあふれ 子守りも大勢いる
- ボンドさん 家は売りません
- そうよね？
- そうよね？
- ダニー
- みんな 安心して
- 売らないよ
- どんなにお金をもらっても―
- 別々に暮らすのはイヤだ
- 今のは笑える
- 冗談じゃないのか
- 相談に乗って
- ママとモメてるの
- どっちが臭い？ このスニーカーとサンダル
- また君か 何者だ？
- 隣の者でござる
- お陰で気が変わったよ
- スニーカーが臭い
- 引っ越しは中止よ
- やった！
- 靴は引っ越して
- 犬も帰ったよ
- コメットの家はここよ
- あたしたちの家よ
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