- Hey, I finished my project for sewing class. I designed it myself.
- Well, how does it look?
- Like you designed it yourself.
- Don’t hold back, Michelle.
- Okay. It’s ugly too.
- Steph, I think that your blouse is beautiful.
- – You do? – You do?
- Absolutely.
- Ah! Well, I’m glad someone around here has taste.
- Aunt Becky, you actually thought that blouse was beautiful?
- Well, no. But I didn’t wanna hurt her feelings.
- So you lied?
- No!
- I bent the truth.
- Exaggerated a bit.
- Put a pleasant spin on things.
- So you lied.
- Why do they call ‘em sloppy joes, daddy?
- Well, you just keep your eye on Uncle Joey at dinner.
- Guess who we got to referee our school fundraiser basketball game?
- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
- – No way. – Wow.
- Good. You got all three of them. That’s nice.
- Jess, y-you don’t know much about sports, do you? It just so happens that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar–
- And that’s one person.
- Yeah, he, he’s one of the greatest basketball players ever.
- Yeah, and since we thought of this Kimmy and I get to coach the celebrity teams.
- Yeah. I’m coachin’ the Happy News team from Channel 43. And we’re gonna kill your team.
- I don’t even have a team yet.
- Hmm. This is gonna be easier than I thought.
- See ya, squirts.
- And, uh, since the game is three-on-three
- all I need are three local media personalities. Say, a couple of DJs and a talk show host.
- – I’m in. – I’m in.
- – I’m outta here. – Jess!
- Come on. Basketball’s a national pastime.
- No, that’s baseball.
- Uh, it’s-it’s a sport of kings.
- No, that’s horse racing.
- Where America shops. Sears.
- Let’s try a new road. Uncle Jesse, you’d be doing it for a good cause.
- Yeah, when you think of it, Jess.. …it is a great way to get all sweaty before your Saturday night bath.
- Guys, just forget it, alright? Sports, sports intimidate me. I’ve never been good at sports.
- I remember the names they used to call me as a kid. Uh-uh, fumble-fingers, Captain Klutz–
- Oh, kids can be so cruel.
- Those were my parents.
- No, no, no, my policy’s always been just say no to sports, okay? I can’t do it.
- I just, I-I just, I just can’t do it.
- You can do anything.
- Well, there’s one vote of confidence.
- Come on, Jess. We’ll all help you out. We take you to the park on Saturday and get in some intensive training.
- Do it, daddy. Please.
- – Please, please, please.. – Please, please, please..
- Well, alright. What the heck. I’ll do it for the boys.
- Cool!
- Double cool!
- Alright then, this Saturday, I’ll, uh, strap on a helmet
- and I’ll meet you right out there in that basketball field.
- Uh, Jess, it’s the old basketball court.
- I think he’s actually gonna need that helmet.
- Aunt Becky, I have a question. What do you call a boy ladybug?
- Confused.
- Hey, Aunt Becky.
- I have a surprise for you.
- Since you love the blouse I made at school so much
- I’m giving it to you.
- Thanks, Steph.
- You can wear it to the celebrity basketball game.
- Oh, great.
- I’ll definitely stand out in the crowd.
- You’d stand out in the circus.
- There. See?
- This basketball thing’s a piece of cake.
- Daddy, this is our basket.
- That one’s yours.
- Right up there?
- Nice outfit, Jess.
- What are you tryin’ out for, the Harley Globetrotters?
- Well…I got my wristband.
- Alright, now you look like a real athlete. Uh, why don’t we work on some passing?
- – Okay. – Let’s do some passing.
- I’ll pass you the ball, you go under the basket.
- – Where do I stand? – Right there under that net.
- – Let’s do some passing, fellas. – Okay.
- Alright, show me the ball, big boy. Come on.
- Jess, you’re-you’re supposed to use your hands.
- – Oh, I will. – Alright, okay. Time out.
- Time out. You’re both at fault.
- Jess, you should’ve caught it and, Danny, you should know that he can’t catch.
- Alright, I’m sorry. Let’s just start with a simple layup drill.
- Okay. Like, two questions.
- A, what’s a simple layup? And two, does the drilling part hurt?
- Jess, the layup is the most basic shot in basketball.
- It’s very simple, all you do is just
- dribble down the lane and as you approach the basket
- if you’re on the left side, you push off with your right foot if you’re on the right side you push off with your left foot
- then you just shoot the ball directly at the backboard at the correct angle to bank it through the hoop.
- That, my friend, is a simple layup.
- What’s a really simple layup?
- Watch and learn. Danny, give me the ball.
- Here you go. Come here, you’ll be safe.
- Watch, Jess. Okay. Here you go. Simple layup.
- Dribble, dribble, dribble..
- Alright. Doesn’t look so tough.
- Do a couple of dribbles, then you and then you do a thing by the basket. Got it.
- Dribble, dribble..
- [sighs] I told you I needed that helmet.
- – What’s with that look? – What look?
- – Th-th-that “he bites” look. – You know what?
- You should spend more time lookin’ at the basket and less time lookin’ at our looks.
- Maybe I should spend a little time lookin’ for new teachers.
- I’d say the teachers are doin’ a pretty darn good job considering the student they’re working with.
- Oh. Yeah, right. You guys couldn’t teach Comet to bark.
- I’ll bet you we could teach Comet how to play basketball a lot better than you.
- Yeah, right.
- Joey, give me the ball. Would you, please?
- – Okay. – Thanks, man.
- I’d like you to just study this, Jesse.
- Thank you. Comet! Over here, boy.
- Okay, stay. Stay. Back up. Sit. Good boy.
- Okay, Comet, this isn’t as hard as Jesse makes it look, okay?
- All you have to do is get ready, aim and shoot.
- Comet can make a basket.
- Well, he got lucky. He’s a lucky dog.
- He’s better than you, daddy.
- Wait a minute. Give me that ball.
- I just wanna show you guys I can make one lousy basket, alright?
- – ‘Alright. Go.’ – ‘Okay.’
- You guys split. – You’re makin’ me nervous. – Alright.
- I’m gonna learn how to shoot basketballs, okay? If-if I have to stay here till midnight I’m gonna learn.
- – Good. Good. – Come on, boys. Let’s go.
- I can’t be worse than a dog.
- At least I don’t have fleas.
- Mind, mind if we use the court?
- No, no, not at all.
- You ever play any basketball before?
- A little.
- Yeah. Well, let me tell you somethin’, pally. It’s not as easy as it looks.
- But, uh, you’re a tall guy it should come pretty natural to you.
- – Go nuts. – Thanks.
- Son, what shot do you wanna see me shoot first?
- – Um…three-pointers. – Ugh.
- – Um…how about skyhook? – Yes, daddy.
- Here, you take that.
- Whoa. There you go.
- – You’re a lucky guy, you know? – I’ve had a little practice.
- Son, why don’t you go play now? And daddy’s gonna shoot a hoop.
- No, I mean, uh, I mean, you’re lucky ‘cause your kid looks up to you, you know?
- I mean, he looks at you like you’re a real hero.
- Yeah, well, I raised his allowance last week.
- Uh, I made a total fool out of myself
- in front of my kids today. You know, let me tell you somethin’.
- I’m the worst basketball player in the world and to top it all off, I gotta play this silly tournament tomorrow.
- Oh, come on. You can’t be that bad.
- Why don’t you take a shot?
- Alright.
- – Okay, you can be that bad. – ‘Yeah.’
- How am I gonna face my kids?
- Well, maybe I can give you a few pointers.
- – Alright. – Let’s start with the basics.
- – This is a ball. – Mm-hmm.
- That is the basket.
- Yeah, well, the problem is getting this into that.
- You tryin’ to hustle me?
- No, no, I swear. I never did that before.
- Yeah, right. Shoot a layup.
- Without a helmet?
- Alright. The bounce, bounce.
- Sorry about that hustle crack.
- Well, at least I didn’t smack myself in the face this time with the ball. You should have seen it earlier. It went boom..
- – Let’s try a foul shot. – Okay, yeah.
- Let’s try a foul shot.
- – And-and that would be? – At the foul line.
- Which would be?
- Right there.
- And I stand?
- Behind it.
- – And I face? – The basket!
- I know. I was kidding you on that last one.
- A little basketball humor. Hike that thing over here.
- Hike that thing. Alright.
- Why don’t you try another shot at that spot right there?
- – That little spot over there? – Yeah.
- Well, you’re pretty pathetic..
- …except when you stand right there. That’s your sweet spot.
- I got a sweet spot?
- Apparently.
- When you play that game tomorrow.. …just get to your sweet spot.
- That’s the only chance you have of scoring.
- Right. Oh, yeah. Cool. Got a sweet spot.
- Yeah, I got a sweet spot. Wait till I tell my wife.
- – Give it to me. – Okay, guys, let’s warm it up.
- Alright. Okay, shoot a round. Alright. Okay, let’s pass it.
- – Okay, guys. Come on. – Excuse me. Excuse me?
- You’re Rebecca Donaldson from “Wake Up San Francisco.”
- Would you mind if I got a picture for “The Chronicle?”
- Uh…uh, sure.
- Let me just put on my jacket.
- Your jacket? But that’ll cover the blouse.
- You hate the blouse, don’t you?
- No!
- No.
- I just love my jacket.
- That’s okay, Aunt Becky. You can hate my blouse.
- See, now you don’t have to lie anymore.
- Michelle, you’ve been so helpful through all of this.
- Well, at least she was honest.
- Steph, I’m sorry I lied about the blouse.
- Yeah, you should’ve told the truth like I did.
- It’s nasty.
- What I should have done is just focused on the good points.
- The seams are straight. The fabric is beautiful.
- There are exactly as many holes as there are buttons.
- Nobody lost an eye.
- You’re pushin’ it.
- Steph, the point is, the blouse is not exactly my style but you did an excellent job on it.
- – You really think so? – Honest.
- Thanks.
- Can I have your attention, please?
- – Jess, take a seat. – Oh, right. Sorry.
- Oh, hey. How you doin’? Came by to cheer me on, huh?
- – Somethin’ like that. – Yeah.
- Thanks for coming out for such a worthy cause.
- Right now I’d like to introduce our celebrity referee for the game.
- He’s the all-time leading scorer in the NBA
- was voted most valuable player six times and is considered one of the greatest players in the history of basketball.
- Huh. See? You love basketball. Guess you’re pretty excited about seein’ this guy, huh?
- – I’ve seen him before. – Oh, yeah?
- Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
- Wait a minute. What? What? You’re him? He’s you?
- – You gotta be somebody. – Yeah. Hi, Kareem.
- Okay, guys, now go out there and play your hearts out.
- And remember, win or lose, after the game, we hit the hot tub.
- Okay, guys, now the only way we’re gonna win this game is if we spread the ball around.
- Okay, dad, I want you to take half the shots and I want Joey to take half the shots.
- Where’s my half?
- Uh, Uncle Jesse, you’re-you’re our defensive specialist.
- You’ll be guarding their highest scorer.
- See, I’ll be guardin’ the highest scorer.
- Who’s that?
- My guess is whoever you’re guarding.
- Guys, you don’t understand. See, I have a sweet spot.
- Hey, I have a stiff neck from sleepin’ on a Tonka truck.
- We got a game to play.
- Okay, guys, remember. First one to 12 baskets is the winner. – Right. – Hands in.
- (together) And break!
- Time! Time out!
- Okay, guys.
- You, guys, you’re playing great, okay? – Thank you. – Now, the score is 11-11.
- So, next basket wins it. Now, we need to set up a special play.
- So this is what I want you to do.
- Dad, I want you to go to the top of the key.
- Joey, I want you to come up and set a pick for dad. – Okay? – What do I do?
- And Uncle Jesse, you just stay away from everybody.
- Come on, guys. Someone just give me the ball.
- Jess, last time you had the ball y-you picked it up and you ran with it.
- That’s ‘cause every time I bounce it some guy takes it away from me.
- You’re really makin’ us wanna throw it to you more and more.
- Come on, guys. Give me the ball. I know I can make the shot. I-I have a sweet spot, you know?
- Just throw me the ball and I’ll make the winning basket, please?
- I mean…I-I-I just wanna show my kids that I’m not a complete loser.
- Come on. The guy’s kids are watching. Give him a break.
- – He might surprise someone. – Yeah. Thank you, Kareem.
- You know, if we give Uncle Jesse the ball it might surprise everybody.
- Okay, this is for all the marbles. – We set up Uncle Jesse. – ‘Yes. Yes.’
- I won’t let you guys down.
- (together) And break!
- Alright. Hey, Uncle Jesse, good luck.
- – I know you can do it. – Oh, you do, huh?
- Well, I’m the coach. It’s my job to say that.
- Okay, guys. Let’s go. You got Danny.
- You got Joey.
- And you got me on a bear skin rug.
- Didn’t I tell you to stop that?
- Hey, excuse me, excuse me. You’re on my sweet spot.
- They’re gonna throw me the ball any minute.
- – Jess, get open. – I can’t. He’s on..
- Kareem, he’s on my sweet spot.
- I can’t find pants. Get over it.
- (Danny) ‘Jess!’
- Jess, you’re open. Shoot it.
- – The guy’s on my sweet spot. – Just shoot!
- – I can’t believe you did that. – Oh, my God.
- – That was great. – Wow.
- – That was an amazing shot. – Aw, thanks, Kareem.
- You know, let me tell you something you taught me everything, and I’ll tell ya
- from this day on every single person that I meet, I’m gonna say “Kareem Abdul-Jabbar taught me how to play basketball.”
- Why don’t we keep that as our little secret?
- – Nice meeting you folks. – Okay.
- – Bye. – Goodbye, Kareem.
- Uncle Jesse, I should have had more faith in you.
- I mean, who would have thought in a million, billion trillion years you would ever–
- You’re congratulating me, right?
- Well, what she’s trying to say is, you know, to hit that shot under that kinda pressure. I mean, you, of all people–
- Jess, if I, if I may, I-I think what they’re both trying to say is
- you, uh, you really came through for us. You are our hero.
- Oh, well, thanks. I’m glad you think so. I just hope the boys feel the same way.
- Excuse me a second.
- Hey, boys. Hey, did you see your old man make the winning basket?
- – Pretty cool, huh? – Uh…Jess, they missed it.
- We were on a potty run.
- I went number one.
- Oh. You did? Th-that’s very good, son.
- I watched.
- I can’t believe you guys missed my winning shot.
- I mean, the whole reason why I was out there was to make you guys proud of me.
- Honey, they’re already proud of you.
- What? For what? What did I do? I mean, they didn’t see anything. The only thing they saw was tinkle town.
- We saw you fall down a lot.
- You fell down more than anybody.
- Yeah. Real cool. Big accomplishment.
- Oh, honey, don’t you see? It doesn’t matter what you do.
- You’re their dad. You’re their hero.
- You could be the worst basketball player ever.
- Which you probably are.
- And they would still be proud of you.
- – We love you, daddy. – Aw.
- Thank you, son. Give me a kissy. Muah.
- Now I feel like a real hero.
- Listen, guys, before I hang up my, uh, basketball cleats..
- …there’s somethin’ I wanna show you.
- Number one?
- No, son. Not number one.
- I wanna show you how, how I make a basket from my sweet spot.
- See, watch your old man here.
- Uh, honey? Th-that’s okay. We believe you.
- Now l-l-let me just, let me just make one ball.
- See? That. One..
- Hold on. Hold on.
- My sweet spot was around here somewhere.
- Alright. I think I got, I got it now. Watch your old man.
- Whoa. See? I was, I was..
- It was the wind thing…again.
- Let me try one of those skyhawk shots that Kareem does.
- Almost, almost.
- Who could have thought, Kareem Abdul?
- You know, I always thought it was that little dancer.
- Go figure.
- トイレに行ってた
- オシッコしたの
- そりゃよかった
- オシッコ 見てた
- シュートを見逃すとは
- 尊敬されたくて 頑張ったのに
- 尊敬してるわ
- でも勇姿を見てない 見たのは便器だろ
- パパが転ぶとこ見た
- 一番たくさん転んだね
- これだよ ガックリだ
- そうじゃないわ 何をしても パパはヒーローなのよ
- 何をしても パパはヒーローなのよ
- たとえ世界一下手でも…
- “たとえ”じゃないか
- それでも尊敬してる
- 大好きだよ
- ありがとよ キスして
- ヒーローの気分だ
- バスケと 永遠に縁を切る前に―
- 見せておこう
- オシッコ？
- オシッコじゃない
- スイート･スポットからの シュートだ
- 目に焼き付けておけ
- もういいわ 信じてる
- もう１回だけ
- 変だな
- ちょっと待て
- この辺のはずだ
- 今度こそ いくぞ よく見ておけよ
- ほら 今のは惜しい
- ほら 今のは惜しい もう１回だ スカイフックでいく
- もう１回だ スカイフックでいく
- あと ひと息だよ
- 彼がカリームとはね
- ダンサーかと思った
- ぶったまげだ
You cannot copy content of this page
