- Funny.
- Not funny.
- Yeah.
- ♪ You got all a man would need ♪
- ♪ You fill my soul’s sweet desire ♪
- ♪ And I’m singing to a tire ♪
- I’m singing to a tire! What is..
- Come on, this is your job! Think, think!
- You don’t kill bugs anymore you write advertising jingles.
- You’ve sold one. One.
- Alright, I need some inspiration. I need, uh..
- Sam.
- Sammy, Samala. My main man, speak to me.
- Who can turn a lug-nut.
- [knock on door] Who is it?
- It’s me. Stephanie Tanner.
- Uncle Jesse, this is my friend, Harry.
- – Hello, Harry. – Hi, Uncle Jesse.
- Harry’s in my class. He sits next to the crayon bin.
- That’s very impressive, Harry.
- Listen, I’ve two hours to write a jingle for Fred’s Tire Town. So let me work, kids.
- I can help. In school I wrote the poem about milk.
- It made me wanna cookie real bad.
- Stephanie, I’m involved in the creation of a very sophisticated musical composition.
- Let’s see if this sparks anything. It goes like this.
- ♪ Fred’s Tire Town ♪♪
- – How about this. – Hmm.
- ♪ It’s a very very very very ♪ ♪ Very very very very very very very very very ♪
- ♪ Ni-i-i-ce place ♪♪
- She’s done it again.
- Alright, thanks for trying, Steph. Alright, let’s go. Anybody who’s not me, out of the room.
- Goodbye. Goodbye. Nice meeting you, Harry.
- – Jess. – Ah!
- You will not believe what Michelle just said. Poo-poo.
- Thank you for sharing that with me, Joseph.
- Jess, this kid is not all talk. First she said it then she did it.
- I called Danny at work, he said it’s a sure sign that Michelle is ready for potty training.
- Alright. High five, Michelle. High five!
- So, how’s the tire jingle coming?
- Ah, Joseph, I’ve lost it man. I’m all dried up. I got jingle block.
- Uh, Jess, lighten up. It’ll come to you.
- Hey, look, Michelle. A picture of a tire.
- Look. Isn’t that a cool tire, huh?
- Yeah, it’s like totally radial, dude.
- Get out! Go!
- Get out.
- – Bye-bye. – Bye-bye.
- Totally radial, dude!
- Totally radial.
- You think?
- It’s funny.
- Totally radial, huh.
- It’s kinda hooky actually. Totally radial.
- Ugh, you got me. Ooh!
- Master of the universe, your tea is ready.
- I’m not master of the universe, anymore. I’m G.I. Joe.
- And G.I. Joe doesn’t drink tea.
- He does when he plays house with me.
- Got it, chief.
- Sweet low, Joe.
- – Oh, this tea is poison! – Oh!
- Freeze, nerd bombers! Up, up, up, up!
- Better keep away from my stuff. I just got back from karate class and I’m pumped.
- You’re just jealous because, I have a boyfriend and you don’t.
- You’re dreaming. You don’t have a boyfriend.
- It so happens, I do.
- – Who? – Him.
- Me?
- You’re a boy, you’re my friend.
- That makes you my boyfriend.
- Got it, chief.
- More tea, soldier?
- I’m never having kids.
- Joey? Joey!
- – Yeah, what is it? – Where’s Michelle?
- Where is my little genius?
- Well, last time I saw Madame Curie she was licking squash off the high chair.
- She’s takin’ a nap.
- Look at this.
- The latest hi-tech potty.
- It’s Japanese, it’s state of the art and it’s digital.
- Wow! It’s all happening so fast Potty training. Pretty soon Michelle will be off to school.
- – Meeting boys. – Goin’ to the prom.
- Getting married.
- You know, we ought to think about having another one.
- The kid’s back.
- – You sold the jingle? – Yes, sir.
- – Congratulations. – Thank you. Hey!
- ♪ It’s totally radial at Fred’s Tire Town ♪
- Totally radial.
- – That’s pretty clever, Jesse. – Don’t look at me.
- Joey came up with it.
- I did?
- Of course, I did.
- Thanks to you, Joseph, I have a check for $827. And half of it, my friend, is yours.
- Wow! Thanks, Jess.
- That is very generous of you. You know, it’s real important to me is that I get it in cash.
- – I’m glad, I could help you. – You did more.
- Now, you snapped me out of my jingle slump. Almost feel like huggin’ you.
- Almost.
- You know, this is so great.
- Guys, listen to me. We should celebrate. Let’s all go out for non-fat, frozen yogurt.
- Before we get down and get totally funky there’s one more piece of good news.
- The ABC’s giving me a shot at a national commercial.
- It’s this thing for Kitty Krispy’s cat food. We gotta come up with a funny type jingle thing.
- So, Joey, if you have a little time.. …maybe you’d like to do a little work together.
- Maybe, uh, I don’t know, you and I could become..
- – Yes! – Wanna do it, Joey?
- – I don’t know. – Ah, Joey!
- – Of course, I will. – Alright, good, man.
- I really need you on this jingle. This little thing could make my career take off.
- We’ll make a great team.
- Yeah, we’ll be like, uh, we’ll be like, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid, huh?
- Great. Can I be Butch?
- Not in that shirt.
- Now, Michelle, with any luck this is something you’ll be doing the rest of your life.
- Now watch closely. Potty Polly sits down.
- And she makes the bell go ding-ding.
- And then she gets a cookie.
- Hat.
- Hat.
- No, no. Bad hat. Not a big hit in the Easter parade.
- Alright, let’s uh, let’s try some different musical styles. – Let’s do a little reggae boy. – Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, man.
- ♪ Day-o ah ♪ ♪ We ate the cat food every day-o ♪
- Alright, we got that out of our system.
- You got that, man.
- Alright, let’s try a little like a conga thing. Like a thing, thing, thing. Like this.
- That’s it.
- ♪ Do we like this music? ♪ ♪ Do we like this music? ♪
- I think, I threw my back out.
- Alright, alright, come on, man. Let’s get back to our roots. Just get a little rock ‘n roll like, uh..
- Oh, big daddy, now, this music says cat food.
- Alright, good, good. That’s the style, that’s the style. That’s the motif. Now what we need are some words.
- Like, I mean, my partner happens to be the king of comedy.
- Ready, Joey? Be funny.
- Hey, what a great audience. So, where are you from?
- Oh, cut it out. Get outta here.
- Come on, Joey. I need like, I need like, uh.. Like something catchy like.. …like this “Totally radial” thing you got for me, right.
- But they need to be cat food funny. Okay, ready? Be funny.
- Okay, cats. Funny cat food.
- – Funny cats. Funny cats. – Funnier. Funny.
- Uh, two cats walk into a bar.
- Urgh. Take my cat, please.
- Uh. A priest, a rabbi and a cat are sitting in a row boat.
- Joey, that’s not funny.
- It’s not me. It’s-it’s the room.
- It’s, uh, like working a telethon.
- We need a funny room. We’ll go to my room. – My room is the funny room. – Alright, fine.
- We’ll go to your room.
- Go.
- Ice cream race. Bad idea.
- ♪ Funny room ♪ ♪ Funny room ♪ ♪ Funny room ♪ ♪ Funny room ♪
- ♪ Everyone’s going to the funny room ♪♪
- I love coming here.
- Stephanie, I was saving those ice cream bars for me and Kimmy. They’re mine.
- Well, they don’t have your name on them.
- Yes, they do.
- Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
- – Here, D.J. – Stephanie.
- You’re always messing up my stuff. I warned you and I’m gonna get you back.
- You won’t know when it’s coming and you won’t know how it’s coming. But it’s coming.
- Can you see why she doesn’t have a boyfriend?
- Warming up the funny bone a little bit. Good.
- Hello. Ooh, I hate that rabbit.
- And now, something we hope you really like.
- Thanks, Rocky.
- How embarass-king.
- I love you, Spartacus.
- Ha ha, alright. Now that’s funny. Here.
- – Think cat food. Go on. – Okay, okay.
- I got it. A duet.
- – A guy sings with his cat. – That’s good, Joey.
- That’s good. Alright, let me give you little.. …music here so it goes like.
- ♪ I went to my cat the other day ♪♪
- Wait! You be the guy.
- – I’ll be the cat. – Love it!
- And when we make the presentation I’ll sing in a cat voice.
- – Love it! – And when we go in there.
- – I’ll wear a cat suit. – I hate it.
- Come on, partner. I can get a cat costume.
- My friend was in a Broadway play. What the heck was the name of it again?
- – Cats. – That’s the one!
- Joseph, tomorrow morning we’re going in to make a presentation to a very important advertising agency.
- Now, it’s gonna be a room full of serious suits and ties.
- We can’t go in there looking like amateurs. Trust me.
- – I’m a professional. – Hey, trust me.
- I’m a professional too.
- Jess, they want a funny jingle let’s go in there and be funny.
- Give me that.
- No, cat suit.
- How about just ears and a tail?
- Joseph! This is no joke now.
- You look me in the eye and you promise me. No, cat suit.
- I promise. No, cat suit.
- Thank you.
- So, I guess the six foot ball of yarn is out of the ques..
- (Jess) ‘My partner should be here any moment.’
- But in the meantime, can I get you folks anything? Freshen up your coffee. Sharpen your pencils.
- Yeah, you look like a happy crowd.
- – Right this way, Mr. Gladstone. – Oh, good.
- Uh, this is my partner, Joseph Gladstone.
- – Hi. Nice to meet you. – Great.
- My partner and I have worked long and hard
- to come up with a campaign that we feel has
- strong consumer appeal.
- May I present..
- Cat puppet.
- Cat puppet.
- Joseph, I think uh, you and I have to have a little talk.
- Right after this word from Kitty Krispy’s.
- No.
- ♪ Well I went to my cat the other day ♪ ♪ And asked him what he’d like to eat ♪
- ♪ He said I’m sick of that junk you’re feeding me ♪ ♪ How about a brand new treat ♪
- ♪ He said I’m sick of that junk you’re feeding me ♪
- ♪ How about a brand new treat ♪
- ♪ So I went to the supermarket ♪ ♪ To find that special blend ♪
- ♪ He said buy me those Kitty Krispy’s man ♪ ♪ And I’ll be your best friend ♪
- ♪ He said buy me those Kitty Krispy’s man ♪ ♪ And I’ll be your best friend ♪
- ♪ And now me and my cat are buddies ♪ ♪ Really do get along ♪
- ♪ Share cases and cases of Krispy’s now ♪ ♪ And all we do is sing this song ♪
- ♪ Share cases and cases of Krispy’s now ♪ ♪ Then all we do is sing this song ♪
- ♪ Now my little kitty ♪ ♪ Is sitting really pretty ♪ ♪ Eating Kitty Krispy’s now ♪
- Oh, come here, you little food processor.
- I got you.
- Uh, don’t worry. No more potty training today. All I really want is for you to be happy.
- Get good grades and get into an Ivy League college.
- Of course, most major universities do want you to be potty trained.
- Give me a kiss.
- Daddy? Look what D.J. did.
- Did it for your own good.
- Boy, are you gonna get it.
- Okay, daddy, ready?
- On your mark, get set, punish.
- Dad, she’s always messing with my stuff. I had to teach her a lesson.
- I’ll take it from here, okay?
- Stephanie, honey, you know that we need to treat each others property with respect.
- And D.J., in this family we do not tie together each others shoes.
- Unless there’s some kind of weird emergency.
- Red light.
- What’s our rule after we fight?
- – Never walk away angry. – Never walk away angry.
- Very good. Now, go ahead and apologize.
- – Sorry. – Sorry.
- Now, D.J., help Stephanie untie her shoes.
- Poo-poo.
- Poo-poo?
- Oh, Michelle.
- Oh, I’ll tell you what.
- Why don’t we, uh, just mosey on upstairs and, uh, you know, just sit down
- maybe on the potty? And, uh, we’ll thumb through some college catalogues.
- Okay, D.J., you heard the man. Untie my shoes.
- The man said, “Help untie her shoes”. Here’s some help. Start with the little white sneaker.
- You have to untie them too.
- – No, I don’t. – Yes, you do.
- – No, I don’t. – Yes, you do.
- – Yes, you did. – No, I didn’t.
- See, what you’ve started?
- Why do I get all the blame for this, huh? They said, “Thank you very much, but we’re going another way”.
- Which is advertising lingo for “Put your puppet where the sun don’t shine.”
- I took a risk. I dared to be silly.
- Why didn’t you tell me before you dared to be silly? Man, you promised me.
- I kept my promise. I did not wear a cat suit.
- You wore a cat suit on your hand. And you stabbed me in the back with it.
- Jess, this is not that big a deal. You’re not really mad at me. There’s something else bothering you.
- So, what is your problem? Really?
- My problem is, I’m living in the same house with you.
- Jess, what does that supposed to mean?
- Maybe, it means, we don’t need three fathers. Haven’t you seen that show “My Two Dads”? Two is all you need.
- – Alright, fine with me. – Fine with me.
- D.J., they sound really mad.
- Are they gonna get a divorce?
- Not if we make ‘em to make up. You get Uncle Jesse and I’ll get Joey. We’ll all meet back in our room.
- You have a great mind, D.J.
- If you could only use it for good.
- Stephanie, I’m sure there’s no monsters in your closet. But I’ll check for it.
- I don’t believe you broke a window.
- I don’t believe it, ‘cause it’s not broken.
- Well, well, well, look who’s here.
- Well, well, well, look who’s leaving.
- – I’m outta here. – Red light.
- We have a rule in this house. Never walk away angry.
- So, say you’re sorry to each other. Please.
- – Sorry. – Sorry.
- That was pathetic.
- I don’t wanna get anybody’s hopes up but I think Michelle is on the verge of a major breakthrough.
- Oh, my God. We’re missing it.
- Michelle, we did it. That’s my big girl.
- Alright, Michelle. You’re one step closer to a diaper free world.
- Come on, little mouse, I’ll get you ready and we’ll all go out and celebrate.
- Dear little pumpkin sucker.
- Jesse, you’re with that magazine was that too cute or what?
- Does this mean you’re not getting a divorce?
- A divorce? What are you talkin’ about?
- You said there were too many dads here.
- You guys heard us fighting, huh?
- We don’t want anybody to leave.
- – Uh, we need to talk. – Right.
- Come on. Let’s sit down.
- Girls, nobody is leaving this house.
- Right. We just had a little fight.
- You see, sometimes in the heat of the moment you say things that you don’t really mean.
- You know what I’m talkin’ about. You guys fight all the time.
- We’re sisters. We’re supposed to fight.
- It’s our job.
- Well, same with us. We fight like brothers.
- You mean that, Jess? You think of me like a brother?
- Well, you definitely, you irritate me like a brother.
- Jess, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
- Oh, we helped raise these kids together. We do the laundry together, we make school lunch together.
- Somewhere along the line we became brothers. And housewives.
- Hey, I’m sorry about springing that puppet on you. I thought it would be a big hit. I was trying to surprise you.
- I guess, I should’ve talked to you about it first.
- Uh, it was cute.
- Uh, I’m sorry for getting crazy, Joey.
- Joey, you know that thing you said about something else was botherin’ me.
- You’re right.
- I’m scared.
- – You’re scared? – Scared of what?
- Scared of not makin’ it.
- You don’t know, how hard it was to break away from my father leave the family business.
- The thought of me…crawling back, killin’ bugs again.
- Admitting that I failed.
- I just don’t know, if I’m good enough.
- Jess, no one ever knows.
- I go through that same fear every time I jump up on stage and try and make people laugh.
- Hey, but you gotta hang tough. You got a real talent.
- If it makes it any easier for you. Hey, we’ve all got faith in you.
- “Fred’s Tire Town” is my favorite song.
- We’re gonna sing it at graduation.
- Well, I’m gonna ask.
- Thank you, guys. That makes me feel a lot better.
- You know, Joseph, uh.. …yeah, few problems in the beginning but.. …we did make a pretty good team.
- Yeah, we did some good stuff.
- What do you say? Still wanna be partners?
- Like Butch and Sundance?
- Yeah. Martin and Lewis.
- Bert and Ernie.
- – No, puppets. – No, puppets.
- Put it there, partner.
- Come here, bro.
- – This calls for a tea party. – Alright!
- – Let’s have some tea here. – Okay.
- Okay, a little toast to our friendship.
- This tea is poison!
- つい頭にきて 心にもないことを言った
- お前たちもするだろ
- 姉妹は して当然よ
- ケンカは仕事
- 俺らも兄弟同然だ
- 僕を兄弟と？
- 兄みたいに最悪だ
- 最高にうれしいよ
- 一緒に子育ても洗濯も 弁当も作る仲だぞ
- 兄弟どころか 主婦仲間かも
- 人形のこと ごめん ウケて驚かせたかった
- 相談すべきだった
- もういいさ
- 怒ってごめん
- 怒った原因は別だと 言ったろ
- そのとおりだ
- 怖かった
- 怖い？ 何が？
- 失敗が
- 跡を継がず 親父を裏切ったのに―
- 今さら害虫駆除の仕事に 戻れない
- それは負けだ
- だから心配で
- みんな同じだ
- 僕もステージに 立つ前は不安だ
- 自信を持て 才能あるよ
- 僕らは君を信じてる
- タイヤの歌は大好きよ
- 卒業式で歌うわ
- 相談してから
- ありがと 楽になった
- ジョーイ もめたけど コンビは うまくやれた？
- 悪くない
- 続けてみる？
- ブッチとサンダンスで？
- マットとルイスは？
- バートとアーニー
- 人形はダメ
- よろしく
- 来いよ
- パーティーやろう 飲もうぜ
- 飲もうぜ
- 友情に乾杯だ
- 毒入りだ
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