- Beautiful! 17 minutes.
- We beat our old record by 37 minutes.
- – Baby wipe. – Baby wipe.
- – Alright. – Hold it. I’m about to make a quantum leap in diaper theory.
- Go with it. Go with it.
- If we triple the diaper we get three times the protection but we change her 1/3rd as often.
- Loving it. Loving it.
- We put two diapers together and.. …Michelle Tanner, come on down!
- You know the other way to go is to tie a hefty bag around her waist. That way, we’d only have to change her on trash day.
- Junior jammy time.
- – It’s you. – Alright.
- Here we go. We put the leg in like so.
- We simply, uh..
- We tie! We tie. We simply tie like this.
- Very nice.
- Whoa. Snag in the plan.
- I suggest we go with a lovely 2-piece ensemble from baby Armani.
- Using your head, Joseph. Using your head.
- Oh, yuppie baby!
- Oh, this is good.
- Okay, I got the girls in..
- Gentlemen, Tarzan, who was raised in the jungle by apes
- went to bed in better shape than that baby.
- Big deal, you’re talking about a guy who wore diapers his entire life.
- I really appreciate the effort but I’ll take it from here.
- Oh, yeah, sure, now that all the work is done.
- Goodnight, Michelle.
- [high voice] Goodnight, Uncle Jesse.
- Next time you see me I’ll have a big surprise for you.
- I don’t care how many diapers I have on.
- Give me my kid.
- You really are a good sport.
- – Hi, Uncle Jesse. – ‘How you doin’, kid?’
- – What happened to my room? – Looks pretty cool, huh?
- Look at this, I’m hanging Elvis up right here.
- Over my bunnies?
- Well, Steph, your bunnies are very, uh.. …pink.
- My mom made those bunnies just for me. Don’t you like them?
- These bunnies.
- I love these bunnies. I’m sure Elvis had bunnies hanging all over Graceland.
- Okay, it’s riddle time.
- What has blonde hair, purple pajamas and is up way past their bedtime?
- Um, Elvis?
- Steph, the Sandman Express is comin’.
- All aboard!
- You see that? Any of your ape friends do that for Tarzan?
- Last stop, Stephanie’s bed.
- Thank you, Sandman Express.
- The Sandman Express runs every night.
- If I get on now will you drop me off at the nearest hotel?
- Okay, let’s say goodnight.
- Alright, goodnight, junior babes.
- Uncle Jesse, tell us a bedtime story.
- Uncle Jesse doesn’t know any bedtime stories.
- Yes, he does.
- – No, he doesn’t. – Yes, he does.
- No, he doesn’t.
- Yes, he does!
- – I’ll make one up! Why? – Yay!
- Alright, fellas, help me out here.
- We’ll make it a game.
- Steph, you start the story, and you girls point to us when you want someone else to take over.
- Okay!
- Once upon a time there was a pretty girl named Cinderella.
- Daddy!
- And, uh, Cinderella wanted to go
- to this big fancy ball. And on the way she wandered into this cabin
- and she fell asleep in papa bear’s bed.
- I don’t think so.
- No, wait, honey, it gets better.
- So she’s on the bed, she’s out like a light when all of a sudden–
- [imitating buzzer] Joey.
- Um, when Cinderella woke up she was real thirsty
- so she went to 7-Eleven for a Slurpee
- where she ran into, Bullwinkle!
- So Bullwinkle says.. [imitating Bullwinkle] Hello, Cinderella.
- Would you like to come to the ball with me? Not only am I a great dancer
- but you can hang your coat on my antlers.
- Kids love this stuff. So–
- [imitating buzzer] Uncle Jesse.
- So, Cinderella, Bullwinkle, they get married, right?
- They go on “The Newlywed Game” and they win a grand prize selected especially for them. Goodnight.
- [imitating buzzer] Daddy.
- Until..
- The big bad wolf came over.
- And he said, open up or I’ll huff and I’ll puff
- and I’ll blow your house down!
- And I can do it, too, because as we all know wolves have an amazing lung capacity.
- – Joey. – So–
- [imitating buzzer] Uncle Jesse.
- So the wolf, the moose, the babe they all fell in love, right.
- They moved to Sweden where people are a lot more cooler about that sort of thing.
- And that’s the end of the story. Goodnight and goodbye.
- No monsters, no witches, but that story was very scary.
- Okay, sweetheart. It’s time to go to bed.
- Can I ask one more favor?
- Sure, honey. What is it?
- Study these storybooks. We’ll talk about them in the morning.
- Okay. Who wants “Puddle Duck And The Quack Quack Gang”?
- – Read it. – Read it.
- Hello, Joey, Danny, how you guys doing? Goodnight.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it, guys. Red light!
- Guys, the only way that three adults can leave the house at the same time is if three children are with them.
- Two adults can leave. One adult can leave. Three, two, or one child can leave ‘with one to three adults.’
- But three adults can never leave with less than three children, got it?
- Look, that’s all fascinating stuff but I’ve gotta get to band rehearsal.
- Yeah, and I have a 10:30 slot the Laugh Machine.
- I have to do the sports at 10 o’clock. I’m sorry, Jesse.
- What do you mean, I’m sorry, Jesse? Why not, I’m sorry, Joey, or I’m sorry, Danny?
- Because I have an actual job that pays money.
- And I bring the gift of laughter into the world. At 10:30.
- Yes, well I make music.
- Songs that touch people’s hearts that penetrate their very souls.
- Now, how can you compare that to telling..
- …jokes?
- Are you seriously trying to tell me that music is more important than comedy?
- You got it, pal.
- Two words, Ozzy Osbourne.
- Two more words, Rip Taylor.
- “The Partridge Family.”
- Anyone on “Hee Haw”.
- Charo.
- Bozo.
- Hey, Bozo did some brilliant work.
- Oh, yeah, right, right. The early Bozo was real good. I’m sorry.
- Okay, we’ll settle this the only truly fair way. Ready? Go!
- (Joey) Once again, comedy kicks music’s butt!
- I’m sorry, man. All three girls are sleeping like angels. I know I can trust you, Jesse.
- – If there’s even a– – Yeah, yeah. Go live your life. Hey, babe, it’s fine.
- I’ll just give up my dreams to be a success in the music business.
- I’ll sit home and read Hunny-Bunny In The Wee Little Glen.
- – I couldn’t put it down. – Get out of here.
- (both) Hi, Uncle Jesse.
- Hi, girls.
- Girls! You’re supposed to be in bed! Girls! Whoa!
- Girls, girls, aren’t you supposed to be in bed
- dreaming about Tweety Bird or Big Bird or Larry Bird or something?
- Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry dad always makes sure we have a late-night snack.
- We’re gonna have ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk.
- – And cookies! – Freeze, chick!
- Alright, I know. I’m pretty hip here.
- You guys think I’m-I’m an idiot or somethin’?
- Let me tell you somethin’. I know what’s goin’ on here.
- Your dad’s gone and it’s let’s take advantage of the baby-sitter time.
- Well, I got news for you, girls. Your Uncle Jesse’s a little too sharp to be taken on that kinda ride.
- Now, you can have ice cream and chocolate milk. No cookies.
- Yay!
- Okay.
- ♪ Z my name is zippy ♪ ♪ And my husband’s name is Zorro ♪ ♪ We come from San Francisco ♪ ♪ With a carload of zebras ♪
- ♪ A my name is Alice.. ♪♪
- That’s enough jump rope. Let’s do the hand-jive.
- Ok, but I can’t stop jumping.
- I may never sleep again.
- Thanks.
- Two bowls of ice cream sure gives you a lot of pep, huh?
- Does pep mean you can’t blink?
- That’s pep.
- Party time!
- Fellas, I got three little girls upstairs, sound asleep.
- Sticks.
- Licorice.
- ‘Alright.’
- Here we go. Jumping Jack Flash in “B.”
- ♪ I was born ♪ ♪ In a cross-fire hurricane.. ♪♪
- What’s the matter? Someone out of tune?
- Do you guys know any bangles stuff?
- Whoa! Whoa! Girls! You’re supposed to be in bed! What would your dad say about this?
- He wouldn’t mind, he’d say we’re lucky to have a chance to listen to the greatest rock band in the world.
- Oh, well, if you put it that way. Yeah, okay.
- Great hair! Could you show me how to do that?
- Sure. It’s real easy. Just sprays right on.
- – Oh, that’s for me. – Whoa!
- Oh, I bet my dad forgot to tell you about our 11 o’clock pizza.
- – Hi. How much? – 11.50.
- Did the cheese slide off or stick to the box?
- No.
- Keep it.
- Hey, do you mind if I check out the band?
- Come in. Open party.
- Alright, girls, listen here now. It’s almost midnight.
- You guys listen to two, three songs max, you eat your pie then straight to bed, no nonsense.
- Boy, are you strict!
- Alright, here we go!
- ♪ Little sister don’t you run ♪
- ♪ Little sister don’t you run ♪
- ♪ Little sister don’t you kiss me once or twice ♪ ♪ And say it’s very nice ♪ ♪ And then you run ♪
- ♪ Little sister don’t you do ♪ ♪ What your big sister done ♪♪
- Conga!
- Boy, are you gonna get it.
- Attention, Solid Gold, farm team.
- It’s 12:15, and your hair is purple.
- Get down, and I don’t mean get funky.
- Boys, boys, boys.
- Walk with me. Talk with me.
- How could you possibly let this happen?
- Hold it, on behalf of Joey I would just like to say that Joey is innocent.
- Well, it’s true I was doing a conga when you walked in
- but…I conga a lot.
- My name is Joey, and I’m a congaholic.
- Well, it’s way past our bedtime. Come on, Steph. Goodnight, everybody.
- Girls, get back over here! You’re in just as much trouble as they are.
- Dad, I know we’re supposed to be–
- D.J., hang on a second.
- Um, it’s not the girls’ fault. It’s mine.
- I invited the band over. I woke the girls up. I ordered pizza.
- I was throwin’ a party. I needed chicks.
- Baby alert! Baby alert!
- You girls get right in bed. You guys follow me.
- And if that baby’s hair is purple..
- You were irresponsible. You were unreliable. I’ll get back to you.
- Oh, Michelle. Aw, honey, it’s okay. Daddy’s here.
- I see what this is.
- Michelle’s getting a new tooth. Aw, that really hurts.
- I had nothin’ to do with it.
- Poor baby.
- Imagine a sharp, pointy, calcified projectile
- ripping and knifing its way through your soft, tender, inflamed gum tissues.
- I say we buy her a pony.
- Sometimes a teething ring helps.
- Here, Michelle. Here you go. Here, honey.
- She loves it.
- Is this anything like catching the bouquet? Am I the next one to have a baby?
- Alright, excuse me, fellas. Let the pro in. I’ll show you how it’s done.
- Alright, little munchkin, where does it hurt?
- Wait a minute, give my finger back, kid.
- Well, your brain’s not working tonight but your finger’s doin’ great.
- Joey, do me a favor. I put one of Michelle’s teething rings in the freezer.
- I’d like a word alone with the alleged babysitter.
- Jesse, I guess it’s a bad time to ask for that girl singer’s phone number.
- Get out!
- Well, well, well.
- What? What? What?
- Shame, shame, shame.
- I feel like I’m being chewed out in the Grand Canyon.
- I suppose I should be happy the house is still standing.
- I must have been crazy to think that you were adult enough to take care of my kids. You really let me down.
- Wait a minute! Where you going?
- Oh, I thought I’d call up the Beastie Boys and ask them if they wanna take the girls to the park tomorrow.
- You love this, don’t you?
- Uncle Jesse’s the best babysitter we ever had.
- Yeah, but I think he’s in big trouble.
- [knock on door] Get into bed.
- No, no, no. Your bed!
- Girls? Are you awake?
- Dad, is that you?
- Is it morning?
- D.J., Stephanie, please come over here right now.
- Girls, we have a problem with Uncle Jesse.
- Oh, no, dad, we didn’t have any problems with Uncle Jesse at all.
- I’m sorry. He was just so irresponsible.
- What is this?
- Uh-oh. Empty bowls and empty cartons.
- Oh, now I see what happened.
- Uncle Jesse forced ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats
- and then he hid the evidence under your table.
- Ah, the sick fiend. He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?
- Probably.
- No probably about it because otherwise you’d be lying. And you know better than that, don’t you?
- Probably.
- Well, that does it.
- I guess asking Uncle Jesse to move in here was just a big mistake.
- In fact, this may be a matter for the police.
- Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels.
- – Daddy! – Dad!
- We were bad.
- We did everything. We even ordered the pizza.
- We should all go apologize to Uncle Jesse.
- You’re right. You go first.
- Are you gonna punish us?
- Before you answer that.
- We saved you a slice of pizza.
- Good point, Michelle. The thing I wonder is.. What’s life all about anyway?
- I mean, 24 hours ago, I was a relatively cool guy. Today I’m a six foot teething ring.
- Yeah, alright, bed time. We’re goin’ to my bed. Come with me. Come on. Let’s go.
- Okay, hang on. I’ll put it back. There you go.
- Uncle Jesse.
- Whatever it is, the answer is no.
- We just wanted to say thanks for trying to keep us out of trouble.
- The only reason we took advantage of you is because you had no idea what you were doing.
- From now on, we’ll be good and do whatever you say.
- Steph, don’t get crazy.
- We’ll try to do better.
- You can cover up my bunnies if you want.
- That’s alright. Your bunnies are starting to grow on me.
- We really love you.
- Well, I love you girls, too. But next time you pull that stuff on me..
- …I’m still gonna love you.
- Okay, now either you girls go to bed for real
- or I’m taking everything out of your room and turning it into a 24-hour minimart.
- Goodnight, everybody.
- Goodnight, daddy, goodnight, Michelle.
- – Goodnight, Uncle Jesse. – Goodnight, honey.
- – Hi. – Hi.
- Want a slice of pizza?
- No. Me and the little leech are gonna try to get some sleep.
- I couldn’t find Michelle’s teething ring so I got the next best thing..
- An ice cold carrot.
- What? I could’ve brought the fish sticks but you guys would’ve thought I was an idiot.
- Look, Jesse..
- I want you to know that was really nice of you to take the rap for D.J. and Stephanie.
- And I’m real sorry I got so crazy before walking around you going, “well, well, well.”
- It’s cool, cool, cool.
- The girls just mean so much to me
- especially now, you know, since Pam’s gone.
- I know what you’re sayin’, man. I worry about them, too. They’re my nieces.
- But I don’t know nothin’ about this kid stuff.
- Yeah, I know, but both you guys, you gotta remember don’t be afraid to say no.
- – Kids need limits. – What am I supposed to know?
- I been here 12 hours, you expect me to be Robert Young.
- Now, wait, I’m confused.
- Is it Robert Young from “Father Knows Best” or Robert Young, “Dr. Welby?”
- This is gonna take some time.
- But we can make this work if we want it to work. Jesse, you do want this to work, don’t you?
- Well, at first, I wasn’t sure but..
- Oh, when I saw that kid telling me I could cover her bunnies up and..
- …I was looking at that little baby in my arms counting on me to stop her from being in pain
- I don’t know man, I got all warm and tingly.. Somebody stop me.
- You know, I’m just happy to be here.
- I was an only child. All I had was imaginary brothers and sisters.
- It feels great to be in a real house
- with real people. Right, Leon?
- Give me my kid.
- Okay, Michelle.
- It’s time to go to bed. Yeah.
- ♪ Lullaby ♪ ♪ And goodnight ♪
- ♪ And there’s more words I’m not sure of ♪♪
- Conga!
- Come on, Leon.
- さっきの失礼な態度も謝るよ “まったく まったく”って
- 気にするな
- 娘たちが心配だ
- パメラが死んでから 特にね
- 俺にとっても大事な姪(めい)たちだ
- けど 子育ては難しい
- それでも“ノー”と 言うべき時は言ってくれ
- けじめだ ロバート･ヤングに なれっての？
- ロバート･ヤングに なれっての？
- どっちの彼？
- “パパは何でも知っている”と “ドクター･ウェルビー”
- 時間はかかる
- でも 君にその気があれば きっとうまくいくよ
- そうかもな
- “ウサギは好きにして”と 言われたり―
- 俺に安心しきってる 赤ん坊を見て―
- 何だか胸が熱く… 誰か止めて
- 僕もこの家が好きだ
- 一人っ子の僕には 空想の兄弟しかいなくてね
- 本物の家族ができて うれしいよ
- 本物の家族ができて うれしいよ ねえ レオン
- こっちへ
- ミシェル
- おやすみの時間だよ
- 眠れ おやすみ
- あとの歌詞は 知らないや
- コンガ！
- レオン
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