- Yeah. A store full of shoes and dad’s credit card. It’s like winning a lottery.
- – Hi, ladies, can I help you? – Yeah.
- I need new shoes. It’s getting kinda crowded down here.
- Well, let’s have a look.
- See, my clogs are all clogged.
- Well, actually, we are all looking to spruce up the old dogs.
- Excuse me a minute.
- Those dogs should be put to sleep.
- Um, excuse me, miss, but, uh..
- …we reserve the right to refuse service to those feet.
- I don’t get it. I’ve never even been in this shoe store.
- Bad smells travels fast.
- I like these shoes.
- Oh, well, let’s step over here, see what size you are.
- I like those shoes.
- Let’s see your foot.
- Size 13.
- My, my, for a little girl, you certainly have, uh.. …very, shall we say healthy feet.
- He said, I have healthy feet.
- That’s just a nice way of saying big. You’ve grown two sizes this year.
- Is that a lot?
- Not for Bigfoot.
- Looks like all your little piggy’s went to market and stopped at Sizzler on the way home.
- Look on the bright side, Michelle by the time you get to high school
- you’ll be able water ski without skis.
- My feet aren’t that big.
- Oh, yeah?
- Uh, excuse me.
- Do you have this for Michelle, in a larger size?
- Very funny.
- Alright, boys, it’s time to go to sleep. But first, we’ve got a special treat for ya.
- Guys, we used to do this for Michelle, when she was your age.
- And the tradition continues. Lullabies, the next generation.
- Alright, gentlemen, start your vocal cords.
- (all) Hello!
- Good song.
- Okay. Well, that, that wasn’t the song, son.
- Well, what we are waiting for?
- ♪ Christopher Robin and I walked along ♪ ♪ Under branches lit up by the moon ♪
- ♪ Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore ♪ ♪ As our days disappeared all too soon ♪
- ♪ Now I’ve wandered much further today than I should ♪
- ♪ And I can’t seem to find my way back to the wood ♪
- ♪ So help me if you can I’ve got to get ♪
- ♪ Back to the house at Pooh Corner by one ♪
- ♪ You’d be surprised there’s so much to be done ♪
- ♪ Count all the bees in the hive ♪
- Oh, I love this song.
- ♪ Chase all the clouds from the sky ♪
- ♪ Chase all clouds away ♪
- Oh, that’s Pooh alright.
- One more time.
- Oh, no, no more time, guys. It’s bed time now.
- Alright. Come on. Time to go to bed.
- – Come on. – Alright, in you go.
- Goodnight, son.
- – Ready, boys. – Yeah.
- ♪ Goodnight ♪ ♪ Goodnight ♪ ♪ Goodnight ♪
- – Nighty night. – Goodnight, boys.
- Goodnight.
- I love you.
- We sounded great, didn’t we?
- Uh, yeah, yeah, we sounded, uh..
- Oh, we-we sounded like we never sounded before, right, boys?
- We’ve-we’ve never sounded like that.
- That was a whole new sound.
- You know what, we should do this every day.
- Two shows on Saturday, bedtime and naptime.
- Maybe we could even start like our own little family singing group. Like the Osmond’s.
- Goodnight, Donnie, Jimmy, Tito.
- Gentlemen, we’ve got a big problem.
- What would that big problem be?
- Uh, did you hear her voice?
- She sounds like a cat in Cuisinart.
- That’s not a big problem. A big problem is like, if, um..
- Well, if-if like your butt fell off.
- What?
- Well, you’d-you’d be totally out of the mooing business.
- – Sit down. – Okay. Alright.
- The point is that we worked too hard on those harmonies, you know.
- I mean, the thought of Becky butchering
- those songs every day. And twice on Saturdays, it’s a.. Guys, I don’t think it’s gonna work.
- Well, why don’t we, uh, give her a tambourine and stick her in the back, like Paul McCartney did with Linda?
- No, no-no, you know what, I-I’m just gonna teach her
- to sing on-key or in a key.
- How about in the Florida Keys?
- I don’t know, Jess, you know, trying to teach something to someone in your family can be really touchy.
- Becky won’t even know she’s been taught. I’ll tell her, we’re working on some harmonies
- for that little song that we’re doing and if she learns
- how to sing in the process, well then..
- …thank God.
- Comet, this book has all the world records in it.
- Biggest head.
- Biggest ears.
- Here it is, biggest feet.
- Oh, no!
- That’s what I’m gonna look like someday.
- Hi, Michelle.
- Hmm. “Children’s Book of World Records.” What are you reading about?
- Uh, the worlds biggest…tomato.
- How big is it?
- Too big.
- By now, it’s probably a case of ketchup.
- I’m going to sleep.
- Boy, I got to get some new big tomato material.
- See you in the morning, Michelle.
- (female #1) Bigfoot. Bigfoot. Bigfoot.
- You’ve grown two sizes this year.
- Healthy feet, healthy feet, healthy feet.
- You’ll be able to water ski without skis.
- Do you have this for Michelle, in a larger size?
- [thinking] I’m home.
- Oh, good, Michelle’s home.
- I hope she had better day than yesterday.
- That carpool is getting ridiculous. Twenty clowns in one Volkswagen.
- Well, you must have had a nice day, you’re smiling.
- How many times do I have to tell you..
- …it’s painted on.
- Uncle Jesse, can you help me with these shoes?
- I don’t know whether to use a shoehorn or the jaws of life.
- Alright. Come up here. You ready?
- Have mercy!
- (together) Yikes.
- Michelle, those puppies are getting huge.
- What are you using, Desenex or Miracle Grow?
- Daddy.
- [crunch] Ow! Michelle. You got to put a wide-load sign on those babies.
- Sorry. Daddy, why can’t I go back to school?
- Oh, sweetheart.
- We talked about this before. The last time you were there you were playing hopscotch and you squished the janitor.
- And I don’t have to remind you about that near-fatal hokey-pokey accident.
- Yeah, you put your left foot in, you took everybody out.
- Let’s take a ride on Michelle’s feet.
- Hmm, sorry, boys. Last time you slipped between her toes and got lost.
- Hey, Pauline Bunion.
- I, uh, I picked up a little foot powder to get you through the weekend.
- Oh, and father of the freak
- you owe me 412 smackaroonies.
- Great.
- Maybe we can make some money back.
- Michelle, trim your toenails. We’ll sell the clippings as boomerangs.
- Michelle, I-I swear, your-your feet are getting bigger every minute.
- No, they are not.
- Oh, no, they’re growing again.
- They’re out of control! Run for your life.
- Wait! Don’t go!
- ‘Somebody help me! They’re growing like crazy!’
- Joey, do something.
- Uh, I got it. Let’s tickle it.
- Stop it. Stop it. That tickles. That tickles. Stop it. Stop it.
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
- Oh, thank goodness. It was just a dream.
- Michelle, Michelle, wake up. You’re having a bad dream.
- That’s what I thought but it is not, it’s real.
- Oh, so you ate cookies in bed.
- We’ve all done it. Now relax, you’re fine.
- I’m not fine. I’m a big foot freak.
- – Hi, Michelle. – Hi, Lisa.
- What are you doing, you were supposed to meet us at the park today.
- – Are you sick? – Yeah.
- – I’m sick of these feet. – Well, you better get over it.
- You’re stuck with them for the rest of your life.
- Don’t you see? They’re growing like crazy.
- Really?
- – Are they growing right now? – Get back.
- These things can take an eye out.
- This is what they’re gonna look like.
- Gross.
- They look like two Buicks with toes.
- But it’ll look good on you.
- What am I gonna do?
- I know how we can shrink ‘em.
- – Will it hurt? – Don’t worry.
- I won’t feel a thing.
- – Hi, honey. – Hi.
- Oh, Jess, you know what? I made up a list of songs that our group can sing to the boys.
- Oh, dynamite, dynamite, dynamite stuff.
- But, um, I figured, why don’t, why don’t we work a little bit on the song we sang last night, you know? You see, I’ve-I’ve written you a special little part.
- Oh, you didn’t have to write me a special part. I’d be fine singing whatever pops into my head.
- Oh, it’s whatever pops out of your mouth that
- we should work on. Come over here. Come over here.
- Now remember the part, “chase the clouds away?”
- [Jesse clears throat] We do it a little lower.
- ♪ Chase the clouds away ♪
- Close, that’s very close.
- Can I give you just this one little, little tip?
- Oh, sure, go ahead. Tip away.
- It’s your posture. I think it’s your just one little tip.
- But I think it’s your posture. You need to…you know what?
- Actually, I just thought of a second one.
- Uh, it’s your posture and your diaphragm. You have to breathe, breathe from your dia..
- You know, I just, see, boom, I just think
- and a third one just came out.
- You have to enunciate. You see, you have to enunciate.
- – Enunciate. – That’s it. Very good.
- Got it.
- Okay. Uh, let’s try this little, little exercise.
- Try that.
- Okay. Uh, well, let’s see, one more time, if we, if we can.
- From your diaphragm.
- Now you’re not standing up.
- Enunciate.
- Diaphragm. Stand up..
- Jess, Jess, Jess, stop it! Stop it!
- What are you trying to do? Giving me a singing lesson?
- No.
- Uh, no, it’s not, it’s not, it’s not a singing lesson per se.
- It’s more of a..
- …a singing tip, tip session.
- Alright, fine. So I’m not the best singer.
- I don’t peel the paint off the walls.
- No, but the-the beams are starting to buckle.
- Okay. So I don’t have the greatest voice. I’m not hurting anybody.
- Well, see, that’s, that’s where we disagree.
- You see, as a, as a professional musician, I-I rely on my ear.
- And, uh, if my ears exposed to, uh to sound that, that, that, uh..
- Uh, I mean this in a nice way sounds like, like a fork in a garbage disposal
- it could ruin said ear.
- I’d like to whomp you upside said ear.
- Beck, don’t get so emotional. It’s-it’s just a little criticism.
- How would you like it if I criticized you?
- Well, I’m sure I can take it if I had any faults to criticize.
- Well, Mr. Overmoussed, two hours in front of the mirror
- hair accouterment, per se, have mercy, Hell’s Angel dropout
- overcritical Elvis wannabe
- handle that.
- Not bad for your first lesson…honey.
- Are you sure this really shrinks stuff?
- They call it shrink wrap.
- And it’ll keep my feet fresh for up to five days.
- Just to be sure, we’d better use the ice too.
- Why the ice?
- My brother once got this big bump on his head..
- He accidently ran into my fist.
- My mom put ice on it. And it completely shrunk.
- His head?
- No. The bump.
- Are you really going to do this?
- Aah! It’s freezing.
- “And they lived happily ever after.”
- Sing us a song, mama.
- Oh, you don’t want to hear me sing.
- It might buckle the beams.
- No, it won’t.
- Please, mama?
- Oh, now how can I say no to that?
- [on-key] ♪ Winnie the pooh ♪ ♪ Doesn’t know what to do ♪
- ♪ Got a honey jar stuck on his.. ♪
- What?
- – Nose. – Nose.
- Nose.
- ♪ He came to me asking help and advice ♪
- ♪ And.. ♪♪
- Sing more, mama.
- You’re the bestest.
- Ah, thanks, but I don’t think everyone feels that way.
- No, you boys are right.
- Your mom sounds beautiful.
- Jess, you said I sound like grinding flatware.
- Well, that’s ‘cause I wasn’t listening.
- I mean, I was hearing the notes but I wasn’t feeling the love behind ‘em.
- I’m sorry, Beck.
- I’m sorry, too.
- I said some pretty mean things.
- Hair and the motorcycle and Elvis wannabe s–
- No need to relive that.
- Apology accepted.
- I guess criticism hurts more when it comes from someone you love.
- Yeah, ‘cause when it comes from someone you don’t like you can just, you know, knock ‘em upside the head.
- – Forgive me? – Am I still in the group?
- – Absolutely. – You’re forgiven.
- Kiss her already.
- All they just do is talk, talk, talk.
- What are you doin’ over here? You tell me kiss here, then you..
- Four-way kiss. Four-way kiss.
- – Are they s-s-smaller? – No.
- But they’re bluer.
- Michelle, what are you doing?
- That’s ice water.
- D-d-duh.
- What are you doing? Making a bunion slurpee? Get out of there.
- No. I’m not d-done.
- – Yes, you are. – No!
- Okay, okay, okay! Go to your neutral corners, please.
- Oh, that’s where all the ice went. I’m over here drinking a warm Sarsaparilla.
- Dad, Michelle was soaking her feet in ice water.
- Michelle, your feet are wrapped in plastic. There’s a bucket of ice water on the floor. I can only guess what’s been going on up here.
- I’m trying to shrink my feet.
- Ooh, I would’ve been right.
- Michelle, where would you get a crazy idea like that?
- Well, got to go.
- Michelle, why the heck would you want to shrink your feet.
- Because I’m a freak. They’re growing two sizes in a year.
- Honey, you’re just going through a growth spurt.
- What would make you think you’re a freak?
- Uh, dad, we might have helped with that freak scenario.
- We were kinda givin’ Michelle a hard time at the shoe store.
- What did you say to her?
- Oh, standard foot humor. Something about Bigfoot and water skis.
- Yeah, and her feet being so big they looked like two beaver tails with laces.
- You never said that.
- Actually, I just thought of it. Figured I better use it or lose it.
- But, um, anyway, I’m really sorry, Michelle. It was kinda out of control.
- Yeah, I’m sorry too.
- We shouldn’t have teased you like that.
- You know, sometimes little teasing can blow things out of proportion for a little kid.
- I remember, when I was your age I was the tallest kid in my class
- everybody used to call me “freckle shins.”
- “Freckle shins?”
- And there’s a connection between that and your height?
- See what happened was, I would grow but my pants wouldn’t.
- So what-what I had was a situation where
- there was this big gap between my socks and the bottom of my pants.
- So what you saw, well, you know, you get the picture.
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Well, the point is, look, I was afraid I was gonna grow up to be some kinda giant.
- So, I used walk around hunched over hoping I’d look shorter.
- And what I looked like was a giant question mark.
- Well, your tall, but you’re not a giant.
- And your feet might be a tiny bit big, but they’re normal.
- Honey, everybody has something about themselves they’re not completely happy with it.
- Yeah, just-just take a look at me for instance, Michelle.
- My head is shaped like a toe.
- No. It’s not.
- Let him finish, Michelle. This should be good.
- You see, when I was growing up, uh everybody called me toe-head.
- Joey, toe-head is an expression
- that people use to describe kids..
- …with very blond hair.
- Get completely out of here.
- Joey, it’s true. We were called that all the time.
- You see, Michelle, your-your own imagination
- or sheer ignorance..
- …can make things seem a lot worse than they really are.
- I guess my feet aren’t that bad.
- When they’re not all pruney.
- Believe me, honey, you are a beautiful, normal child
- and you are going to grow up to be a beautiful, normal adult.
- – You promise? – I promise.
- So you guys..
- …are basically saying that-that my head’s not shaped like a toe, I..
- I always thought I had this ingrown forehead and..
- Yeah, you know, now that you mentioned, I can, I can kinda picture a big sandal on your head.
- Yeah, and you do kind of have this hang-eyebrow.
- ついでだから言ってみた
- でも ごめんね 悪ふざけだった
- 私もごめん
- 反省してる
- ほんの冗談でも 子供は傷つくもんだ
- パパはクラスで一番 長身で―
- “スネ男”と呼ばれた
- スネ男？
- 背とどう関係があるの？
- 背が伸びても ズボンは伸びない
- だからズボンと―
- 靴下の間が広がっていった
- 見えるのは… 想像できるだろ
- 目に浮かんだ
- 自分が巨人になるかと 心配で―
- 背を丸めて小さく見せた
- はてなマークみたいな姿勢
- パパは巨人じゃない
- そうだろ お前の足も大きいが普通だ
- 誰でも 体に不満はあるものさ
- そうさ 僕を見てごらん
- 頭が足指(トゥ)みたい
- そんなことない
- 最後まで聞こう 面白そう
- 成長期には トゥヘッドと呼ばれた
- ジョーイ トゥヘッドは よく使われる表現だよ
- トゥヘッドは よく使われる表現だよ 主に金髪の子供を 例える時に使う
- 主に金髪の子供を 例える時に使う
- 冗談はよしてくれ
- 本当よ 私たちも そう呼ばれてた
- ミシェルは悪く考えすぎだ
- 無知も困るけど
- 余計な心配だよ
- この足は悪くないわ
- 元の色に戻れば
- パパを信じて お前は健康でステキな子だ ステキな大人になる
- お前は健康でステキな子だ ステキな大人になる
- 本当？ 保証する
- じゃ 君らが言うには―
- 僕の頭は足指みたいな 形じゃないのね
- てっきり 額の形が指みたいかと…
- 言われてみれば サンダルが似合う頭だわ
- それにしても 立派なまゆ毛ね
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