- Yummy!
- Shh.. We gotta be sneaky.
- Nicky, when I count to three, you pick up the plate.
- One, two, three.
- Oops. Busted.
- Okay, you little brownie nabber. Hand over the baked goods.
- You heard the man.
- – Thank you. – Welcome.
- ♪ Whatever happened to predictability? ♪
- Well, this is cool. Look at this. They didn’t cancel the stamp. Got myself a freebie.
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Well, I’m gonna use this stamp again.
- It’s called, saving 29 cents. Or in your language, “half an almond joy.”
- Hey, D.J., talk to your uncle before he ends up on an episode of “America’s Most Wanted.”
- He’s trying to cheat the US Postal Service.
- I’m not cheating.
- Oh, correction. Stealing.
- Alright, fine, fine. You want the stamp? Here. Here’s the stupid stamp. There you go.
- Guys, I’d love to stay and chat but my SAT’s are tomorrow, remember?
- The test that determines what college I get into? If I don’t nail this, I’m not gonna go to Stanford.
- Hey, Kimmy, where are you applying? Clown college?
- Well, I do have an in. My Uncle Gibbo is the dean.
- Why am I not surprised?
- We have to study.
- Hey, Jess, look what I made.
- This potato kind of looks like Joe Pesci.
- That’s funny.
- [imitating Joe Pesci] Okay, funny like-like what? Like I amuse you, some like a French fry or like..
- Okay, alright, okay, like what, huh?
- Joey, I-I have one word for you..
- …dating.
- What are you looking at? What are you looking at?
- You’re looking at me? I’m looking back at you, you little spud head.
- “Wheel Of.. …Fortune!”
- Do you mind? I’m trying to study.
- Hey, we can learn a lot from Vanna. She knows where every letter on that board is.
- Kimmy, look at this practice test. I’ve to raise my score 150 points if I’m gonna get into Stanford.
- Safety ranger and deputies coming through.
- Michelle, what are you doing?
- It’s Safety Week at school. My deputies are helping me look for violations.
- Safety violation! Safety violation!
- Violation.
- Whose jacket is this?
- It’s mine, squirt. What’s it to ya?
- Clothes on a lamp can cause a fire. I’m giving you a ticket.
- Deputy, do your duty.
- Michelle, I really don’t have time for this.
- There’s always time for safety.
- Well, for your own safety, get out.
- Come on, guys, let’s go.
- Well, okay, on Friday’s show, we can either do a remote from the opening of the new highway
- or the unveiling of the world’s largest chocolate bunny.
- Well, Becky we really have no choice. “Wake Up San Francisco” has a certain reputation to uphold.
- You’re right.
- – Bunny. – Highway.
- Danny, the new highway is-is an engineering miracle.
- How can you compare that to an oversized chocolate rodent?
- Look, they promised they’d give us the ears!
- ‘D.J…’ …Becky and I need some help. We-we can’t decide what to do on Friday’s show.
- Why don’t you do it about a high school junior
- who flunks her SATs and ends up as a pathetic drain on society?
- Too late, Deej. My brother Garth already sold his life story to hard copy.
- – See ya. – Bye.
- Hey, guys, guess what?
- I gotta get back to work.
- But this is really important. My French teacher says I have an ear for languages.
- Can you say something in French?
- Oh, what does that mean?
- There’s cheese on my nose.
- Hey, everybody, time for dinner.
- Yeah, I think you’ll like it. It’s just something I whipped up with the aid of a little meat loaf helper.
- That would be me.
- Well, thanks, guys. But I’m just gonna make some tea.
- Don’t you want some dinner?
- I’m so nervous I can’t even chew.
- ‘Guys, wait a second.’
- Come back in here and close the door. ‘Just wanna talk to you.’
- I’m really worried about DJ and her taking this test tomorrow.
- Yeah, I’ve never seen her this nervous.
- Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about.
- I remember, in school I had a really important track meet.. …I just got totally over anxious.
- What happened?
- Ran the fastest sprint of my career.
- What’s wrong with that?
- It was the high jump. Ran right into the bar.
- I just think, you know, I think DJ will do a lot better on this test tomorrow if we just downplay the whole thing, you know?
- So if it comes up at all, just say “Hey, it’s no big deal. It’s just a test.”
- Repeat after me. We’ll all try. Ready? It’s no big deal. It’s just a test.
- (together) It’s no big deal. It’s just a test.
- I think she’ll buy that. I do.
- D.J., hold on. Why not-why don’t you sit down and eat with us?
- No, dad, really. I can’t.
- Oh, come on, Deej. I made your favorite.
- Meat loaf and potatoes.
- I’m really losing it. That potato looks like Joe Pesci.
- [imitating Joe Pesci] See, huh? See, I told you, you smart alec, wax-bean head.
- Guys, really, I’m never gonna get into Stanford if I don’t go study.
- Sweetheart, it’s no big deal, it’s..
- (together) It’s just a test.
- What, did you guys rehearse that?
- (together) Oh, no, not at all.
- – Hey, everybody. – Hi! – How you doing? – Hi, Deej.
- Hey, Deej, listen, I just read this article that said if you listen to Mozart, it can raise your IQ by like-like ten points.
- Steve, she doesn’t need any CDs. Look, it’s no big deal.
- – It’s– – It’s just a test.
- Actually I was gonna say, it’s simply an examination but..
- I’ll get it.
- Yes, can I help you?
- There he is!
- That’s the beast that’s been barking at my Anastasia.
- Look, D.J., I swear, I don’t even know an Anastasia. I don’t know what she’s talking about.
- Not you. I’m talking about that…that devil dog!
- Every time we walk by your yard, he barks. Scared my little girl half to death.
- I’m sorry, but you must be mistaken.
- Comet is the kindest, gentlest, most harmless dog in the world.
- I am telling you that dog’s barking is ruining the neighborhood.
- Look, lady, nobody in this family barks!
- Well, now we see where he gets it.
- Uh, Deej, you gotta calm down.
- Well, this test is driving me crazy!
- I know, look, I know it’s a lot of pressure
- on you, but don’t worry about it.
- I mean, hey, I’ll still love you even if the only thing you get right’s your name.
- Maybe I should write it on my hand, just in case.
- Michelle, what are you doing?
- Safety violation!
- What-what happened? What did I do?
- Sleeping too close to a pencil. You can poke an eye out.
- Michelle, I have a test tomorrow morning!
- It is tomorrow morning.
- It’s five to eight?
- Oh, no! I overslept! I’m gonna be late for my test!
- And now you’ve heard all of the instructions and changes.
- Oh, it’s you! The one with the mad dog.
- You’re giving the test?
- Life’s funny, isn’t it?
- What are these changes?
- If you had been here on time you would have heard them.
- You know, your entire future rests with this.
- It’s not just a test.
- Tell me about it.
- I just did. Now sit down.
- Nice slippers, Deej.
- Oh, my God!
- I can’t believe I overslept! Kimmy, what are the changes?
- You may now take out your number four pencils.
- Number four pencils? I thought we were supposed to use number two pencils.
- Wake up and smell the changes.
- To begin, uh, everyone write your names on the answer sheet.
- Alright, everybody. We will begin with the math section.
- You may take out your calculators and begin.
- Hey, my calculator’s gone! I must have dropped it somewhere!
- Uh, excuse me!
- We are in the middle of a test.
- Uh, this is an emergency.
- Uh, D.J., you dropped your calculator on the stairs.
- Oh, great! You brought it?
- I stepped on it.
- But I brought this.
- And the addition key, it doesn’t work.
- Leave this classroom, immediately.
- Oh, I’ve got something for you, too. Look.
- Potato for the teacher.
- Looks kinda like Joe Pesci, doesn’t it?
- Joe Pesci is.. …somewhat taller.
- Now get out.
- Boy, what got into you? Somebody drop a house on your sister?
- Hey, lady, uh..
- Do what you want with me, but don’t hurt the children.
- But…please, do what you want with me.
- Uh, now listen, my-my niece ran out of the house without eating breakfast, so I
- I brought her this, uh, breakfast burrito.
- No. We can’t have food here. You have to–
- You don’t understand, I gotta give her this breakfast burrito, lady. I mean, this is my niece.
- You know, I was there the day she was born. And believe me, she was a beautiful, beautiful baby.
- I mean, I remember rocking her in my arms
- and she’s looking up at me with those big beautiful eyes.
- And so I beg of you by all that’s good and all that is perfect in this world–
- Uncle Jesse, really, I’m not that hungry.
- Pipe down. I’m on a roll. If I could just–
- Fine, give her the burrito.
- Thank you.
- Here you go, Deej. Tch tch.
- Where is that attractive hoodlum?
- [Jesse over radio] ‘Tch tch tch. Testing. 1-2-3. Testing.’
- ‘D.J., can you hear me?’
- ‘It’s me.’
- ‘Listen, I got the answer book’ ‘and I’m going to help you.’
- ‘The answer to number one is…B.’
- I heard that. Close your booklet. You’re outta here.
- I-I had nothing to do with it! I don’t even like breakfast burritos! I’m more of a waffle person.
- Not you! I heard a man’s voice.
- You!
- [squeaking] I don’t have a man’s voice.
- Cheater! You’re history!
- Oh, my mother’s gonna kill me!
- Too bad. You can forget about college, squeaky.
- (Jesse) ‘The answer to number two is..’
- ‘…D.’
- (Joey) ‘Jess, you’re cheating.’ ‘I knew it, it starts with a stolen stamp’ ‘and it comes to this.’
- (Jesse) ‘Look, you-you idiot, I-I’m not cheating’ ‘I’m-I’m giving her hints.’
- ‘D.J., hint on number three..’ ‘…A’
- (Joey) ‘Now, that’s cheating.’
- (Jesse) ‘It-it’s hinting.’
- – ‘Cheating.’ – ‘Hinting.’
- – ‘Cheating.’ – ‘Hinting.’
- Alright, everybody, pen..
- Pencils down.
- Math section is over. We will now start with section two.
- Speed Latin.
- Speed Latin? I don’t even know slow Latin!
- What is it now?
- Bonjour! I am Pierre from ze maintenance.
- I heard zere was, uh, trouble with a wobbly chair.
- Zere it eez!
- I’ll have it fixed before you can say Chevrolet coupe.
- Steph, what are you doing here?
- I’m here to help you. I’ve got an ear for languages.
- How’s your Speed Latin?
- – What does that mean? – You’re dead meat.
- Okey-doke. There you go.
- Oh, that’s much better.
- Au revoir.
- Dad?
- Tch. Pierre.
- “W-a-a-ake Up San Francisco!”
- – I’m Danny Tanner. – I’m Rebecca Donaldson.
- And I’m Gertrude Twitchel.
- Dad, Aunt Becky, what are you doing here?
- Oh, sweetheart, we’re doing a little cover story on your SATs. Live, up close, and personal.
- Don’t, dad, it’s just a test!
- Hee-hee. Yeah, right.
- So, D.J., how is it going?
- Well, it’s terrible. It’s a disaster!
- Ooh, this could be humiliating.
- Let’s watch!
- Pencils down, everyone. Time’s up.
- Time’s up? I haven’t even started!
- Stop bellyaching. It’s time to grade the tests.
- Well, here? Now?
- Yes, that’s right, and here to help us is the queen of consonants, the vixen of vowels
- the very beautiful and talented Vanna White!
- Miss White, this is an honor.
- There’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you. Do you get paid by the letter?
- You know, when they buy a vowel, that money goes to me.
- Even the “y”?
- Sometimes.
- Okay, Kimmy, it’s time to grade that paper.
- (Danny) ‘A perfect score!’
- Alright, Vanna, let’s see what Kimmy’s future holds for her.
- – “Stanford!” – “Stanford!”
- Congratulations, Kimmy, you’ve won
- a full scholarship to Stanford University!
- Is that ironic or what?
- Well, now it’s time to grade D.J.’s paper. I can’t wait to see what she got.
- No! Really, I don’t want to!
- Yes, you do. Come on in, everybody. It’s time to grade D.J.’s paper!
- (Danny) ‘Is everybody ready for the proudest moment’ of their lives?
- No, dad! Uh-uh stop. I-I can’t believe this is happening!
- Uncle Jesse, help me!
- Oh, sure, Deej. Listen, I’m there for..
- By God, Vanna White. Hi, Vanna.
- Let me just say I’m-I’m a huge fan of your work. In fact, your hair is the reason why I got a large-screen TV.
- Thank you. If my hair’s made a difference
- in one person’s life, it’s all been worth it.
- [whispering] Vanna White!
- Well, thanks, well, let me just say that you’re a national treasure.
- Yeah, I know.
- Alright, Deej. Now it’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for your entire life.
- Oh, that’s a shame, Deej. You got every one wrong. Ha! You’re a disgrace to the entire family.
- ‘Let’s see what’s left of your future, honey.’
- “Clown U.”
- Well, D.J., it looks like you’re going to Clown University.
- Hey, Deej. Here you go.
- That’s a good look for you.
- Hey, Comet, how’d you like to have D.J.’s room?
- Oh, boy! Thanks, dad.
- Steve, you still love me, don’t you?
- Oh, of course I do, D.J..
- Oh, come on, so what if you screwed up the test? At least you spelled your name right.
- Oh, not even close.
- What? I wrote D.J. Tanner.
- Abbreviations are strictly forbidden.
- You missed your own name?
- Stupid violation. Duh!
- Shame, shame, D.J..
- (all) Shame, shame, D.J..
- Oh, Steven, guess who got a perfect score and their name right.
- Ohh, I love a girl with brains!
- No, no! Get off, get your hands off of him!
- No! No! Get your hands off of him!
- – Get away from him! – Let’s go, D.J..
- No! No! No!
- – ‘Let’s go, D.J..’ – No! No.
- – Let’s go, D.J.. – No.
- Yes, yes, yes. You don’t wanna be late for your test, honey.
- Dad! It was horrible..
- Oh! There-there were all kinds of changes! I had the wrong pencils! The burrito talked..
- I hope this was a dream.
- It was a nightmare.
- Dad, you wouldn’t believe it I-I failed my SAT and Kimmy got a perfect score!
- You’re right, I wouldn’t believe it.
- Come on, honey. We really have to go.
- Dad, I can’t. I can’t face this test.
- Can you write me a note to get me out of college?
- D.J..
- sweetheart, you really have to get going. It’s a very important day for you.
- But you said it was no big deal, it was just a test.
- Yeah, I-I know I said that. I, uh.. I guess, I just didn’t mean it.
- Well, then why did you say it?
- Because I didn’t want you to be nervous.
- But that was making me more nervous.
- Okay, so I guess it didn’t work, then.
- No, not really.
- I’m sorry, Deej, I.. I was just trying to protect you.
- I remember in high school when I took my SATs, I was a wreck. I did the first 12 questions with an eraser.
- So how did you do?
- Not bad, once I turned my pencil around.
- So I guess I just gotta face it, huh?
- Honey, you’ve done everything you could do. You’re prepared. You studied really hard.
- Everybody believes in you.
- I think what you have to do now is just, you know believe in yourself and do the best you can do.
- Thanks, dad.
- This isn’t happening.
- Good morning. My name is Mrs. Moffatt. And I’ll be administering this test.
- To begin, write your name on your answer sheet.
- I’m drawing a blank.
- Excuse me, are number two pencils okay?
- I’m sorry. We’re using number fours.
- What?
- I’m kidding!
- Relax. It’s just a test.
- 信じられる？ 私は０点 キミーは満点だったの
- 信じられない
- 早く支度して
- やっぱり このテストは無理
- 進学断念の手紙書いて
- ＤＪ
- 行かなきゃダメだよ すごく大事な日だろ？
- “たかがテスト”じゃ なかった？
- そうは言ったけど あれは本心じゃない
- じゃ 何で言ったの？
- 緊張を解くため
- 余計 緊張するよ
- 効果なかったわけか
- そう 逆効果
- 謝るよ ただ守りたかったんだ
- パパもＳＡＴは緊張して 消しゴムで答えを書いてた
- 結果は？
- 途中で鉛筆に替えて挽回
- 受けなきゃダメか
- 今まで必死に 勉強したじゃないか
- みんな信じてる
- あとはお前が自分を信じて ベストを尽くすだけさ
- ありがとう
- 夢の続き？
- おはよう 試験官のモファットです
- まず答案用紙に 名前を書いて
- 名前 忘れた
- 鉛筆はＨＢでいいですか？
- いいえ Ｈだけです
- 本当に？
- 冗談よ
- 落ち着いて たかがテストよ
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