- Maybe. What are you havin’?
- Uh, Joey’s cooking, so I’m not really sure. It’s something in an earth tone.
- Pass. But if my dog Sinbad is hungry I’ll send him over.
- Don’t do that. I love Sinbad.
- Stephanie, why are you following us?
- Because you keep leaving me.
- Steph, I know you’re only five and you have no life of your own but Kimmy and I are talking woman-to-woman.
- I’m a woman. I’m a little woman, but I’m a woman.
- Steph, when Kimmy leaves, you and I can have a nice sister-to-sister talk.
- Unless I get a phone call.
- You’re so good to me.
- Did you guys hear that noise? It sounded like a monster.
- Steph, you’re always making up monster noises. There’s nothing to worry about.
- Although, you do look like that kid in “Poltergeist”
- who got sucked up in the TV and said, “They’re ba-a-ck.”
- Real funny.
- Ooh, you gonna love this, Michelle.
- How you doin’?
- How you doin’?
- Hey, Jesse, some woman named Brianna called. She said she’ll meet you at 8 o’clock.
- Who’s Brianna?
- Well, I terminated her termites, and, uh.. she wanted to thank me, so we came up with a few ideas if you will.
- ‘You went out wearing a cockroach on your back’ and you came back with a date?
- Look, Joey, don’t beat around the bush, if you want to borrow my jumpsuit, just say so.
- Uncle Jesse, something horrible is in the house.
- You’re telling me.
- Hey, Jess, grab Michelle, help me set the table, would you?
- Alright. Okay. Come on, Michelle.
- Great news. I’ve got great news.
- Thank goodness you’re home!
- I missed you, too, honey. Did you miss all of me or just my leg?
- Stephanie thinks she heard a monster in the garage.
- But if you ask me, it’s just a desperate plea for attention.
- DJ, stop watching “Oprah” and start doing your homework.
- So…now you’re hearing a garage monster instead of just that closet monster.
- Which by the way, honey, we never really found.
- Maybe because.. …the closet monster moved into the garage.
- Uh…just to catch everybody up, uh..
- I walked in here saying “Hey, great news, great news.”
- Oh, I got great news. I met a girl today.
- That’s not news, that’s sports.
- Let’s give dad a break.
- So what’s your great news, great news?
- Okay. Thank you. As you all know all the TV stations in this city are fighting each other tooth and nail for better ratings.
- Congratulations, daddy.
- Steph, honey, that’s not the great news.
- Anyway, my station is putting together a special promo kind of, like a little commercial. About each of its newscasters.
- Now here comes the great news, Steph. They’ve picked your father to be first.
- Oh, great. Yeah.
- I feel the energy.
- Oh, by the way, uh.. …you’re all going to be on TV with me.
- Oh, I knew you’d be happy for me.
- So they’re coming to the house tomorrow to film our whole family.
- – Alright. I like that. – Yeah!
- Alright, everybody chow down.
- Should we send out for pizza or Chinese?
- (all) Pizza.
- It is pizza.
- They’re ba-a-ck.
- Steph, did you make that noise?
- Why would I make a noise that’s scaring me to death?
- Can I sleep with you in your bed?
- Alright. Come on over.
- Does this mean you believe me about the monster?
- I’m not saying yes, and I’m not saying no. I’m just saying get over here!
- What if he’s under the bed waiting to eat my feet?
- Reel me in, DJ.
- Faster! Faster! Faster!
- Bless you.
- You forgot to turn out the light.
- Forget the light. Run for your life!
- – Monster! Monster! – Help! Help!
- Mon..
- …ster.
- What’s going on?
- We got the monster trapped in our room.
- Go get it, Uncle Jesse. You’re a creepy-crawler killer.
- I’m a pest control specialist, thank you.
- Pardon me.
- Go kill it!
- Jesse, humor them.
- Unless there is something creeping and crawling in there in which case..
- …go kill it.
- You know, in every movie
- the hero is always a soldier
- or a cop, a private eye.
- Never once, never once have they made a movie about the real American hero.
- The exterminator.
- (together) Pest-control specialist.
- Coming soon to a theater near you.
- Daddy, can I sleep with you in your bed tonight?
- Oh, honey, you don’t want to sleep in my bed, do you?
- I guess not.
- Your Uncle Jesse says your room is monster-free
- so I’m only staying here until you two fall asleep.
- Okay, dad.
- Alright, daddy.
- And you two really need your sleep because tomorrow a nice lady is coming here and she’s gonna make a little movie about our family.
- And, girls, there are no such things as monsters.
- The closest thing, in real life.. …are linebackers.
- But they’re much bigger than monsters. And they make a lot more money.
- Get it, girls? More money?
- Goodnight.
- The joys of fatherhood.
- – Come on. – Okay, Michelle. This is your big TV debut. Let’s give you that Marilyn Monroe look.
- – Kind of– – Yeah.
- Bangs sweeping to the left. Kinda, the curls framing the face, huh?
- (Jesse) ‘Yeah, she’s got the look to pull it off’ but I think it’d be a crime to cover that pretty little face.
- See, I say, we pull it back give her a more sophisticated kind of look.
- More the Madonna, Brigitte Nielson kind of thing. Like this, see? Look.
- That’s Jack Nicholson.
- Why don’t we give her kind of a, uh..
- …Pebbles Flintstone kind of a, uh, a fun do?
- That’s Don King.
- Maybe just a bow.
- Bow. Good idea.
- Simple, yet it screams style. – I’ll hold it up like this. – Okay.
- – Finger. – Okay, tie it first.
- Alright, now, should we get her Reeboks or her little Glens? Which one?
- – Ah, one of each. – Okay.
- Got that.
- – You didn’t just.. – Yeah, I think I did.
- – That’s what I thought. – Yeah.
- Baby yo-yo!
- – Take it off. – Alright.
- You hear that noise?
- You know, the girls were right. It’s the monster.
- Shh. It’s not a monster.
- Now, I have to hear where it’s coming from. Be quiet.
- North American silver-footed ferret. Adult male, two and a half pounds.
- I’d say from the echo he’s heading towards the garage.
- How can you possibly know this?
- It’s a gift.
- Alright, come on out, pal. This is your last warning.
- Get out now or be another notch on my spray gun.
- Michelle, I’m sorry you had to see that.
- But this hair-do, now this, it’s beautiful.
- It is you. ‘Look-it, huh?’
- Isn’t that, oh, just lovely. Look at that.
- Yes. Okay, now, that’ll be $84.
- Alright, how about just a kiss? Come on.
- Uncle Jesse, that could be the TV lady.
- – Do we look okay? – You guys look beautiful.
- I’m hot on the trail of your monster.
- Nail him, Uncle Jesse!
- Hi. Are you the lady who’s gonna putting us on TV?
- Yes, I am. Because you are so adorable.
- Let me see you smile.
- Wonderful!
- Let me see if you can find a place for my coat.
- Adorable! And you take direction, too.
- My name’s Ronnie. That’s short for Veronica.
- I’m DJ. That’s short for Donna Jo.
- I’m Stephanie. I’m just short.
- Girls.. Do you know where your daddy is?
- Daddy has been delayed in editing
- because the satellite downlink malfunctioned due to freakish barometric conditions.
- Ronnie feels like such a dodo-head.
- So…this is your home.
- The colors are workable. Nice angles.
- Yes, I’m seeing some shots.
- – What are we doing? – We thought you knew.
- Alright, pal. Come on out.
- Just you and me. Man versus ferret. Come on.
- Who are you trying to catch? Phil Niekro?
- Joseph, I have to improvise. I left my tools in the car.
- Listen, in order to catch a ferret you must…become one with the ferret.
- Oh, sure. Like this?
- Joey, when you were a kid did you fall out of a tree house?
- Yeah.
- There he is. There he is. Look out! I got him!
- I got him. Alright.
- What are you gonna do to him?
- Think of it this way. I’m moving Senor Ferret one step up into his spiritual enlightenment.
- What’s the next step up for a ferret?
- Somewhere between rat and lawyer.
- Give me the net.
- Well, if you were going after a lawyer
- I’d be right behind you, but we’re talking about
- one of God’s innocent little creatures.
- Go. Run, ferret! Come on, get out of here!
- ♪ Born free ♪
- ♪ As free as the wind ♪♪
- There he goes. I got him. I got him. Darn.
- Ran through the crack, up around the wall right into the crawlspace.
- Slick. Slick move, Senor Ferret. Very good.
- It’s been a long time since I’ve been challenged. Come out with your paws up.
- – ‘Okay.’ – Zig to the right. Zag to the left.
- Go, ferret, go! Go, ferret, go!
- (Jesse) ‘Gone, ferret, gone.’
- ‘Damn, he lives.’
- (Jesse) ‘Joey, give me the ladder.’
- I’m not putting the ladder back until we have a talk.
- Talk?
- You’ve to promise me that if you capture the ferret that you’ll let him go in a safe and pleasant environment.
- Okay, fine. I’ll capture him. I’ll buy him a little ferret condo.
- Fix him up with a hot little mink and send him to Club Med for the winter.
- Okay. Now let’s talk about major medical.
- Help me down here. Come on.
- – Hello. – Hello.
- These guys help take care of us.
- This is Danny Tanner’s family?
- – I’m Jesse. – I’m Joey.
- I’m in trouble.
- People, people, we’re almost ready.
- Hi. Uh, I’m Danny Tanner.
- You must be Ronnie Gardner. I’ve been looking forward..
- Great, you’re here. Let’s go.
- ..to meeting you.
- Oh, that’s the last of it.
- Joey, where are you going with Jupiter?
- Ronnie suggested that I move out.
- – Why would Ronnie suggest that? – No, no, Danny.
- It’s okay. It’s no problem.
- A successful comedian, like myself doesn’t need exposure on TV.
- Working in parks and train stations is my rocket to stardom.
- Ronnie, don’t you think Joey’s important?
- Important? Why, he’s essential.
- He is going to be…holding the cue cards.
- Thank you, Joey.
- Oh, no, thank you, Ronnie. You’ve given my life new meaning.
- You know, Danny, so many sportscasters
- are your typical macho, two-fisted iron-pumping ex-jocks.
- Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell.
- Well, Danny Tanner I am gonna set you apart from the crowd.
- I’m gonna sell your family with class, style, sophistication.
- That’s me, too. – There are so many me’s. – Great.
- We’re just gonna do this one rehearsal. If you have any problems.. Well, you won’t.
- Outside. Don’t come back in until I say action.
- Okay, everybody over here. Come on, let’s go. Come on. Alright, ready? You back here. And..
- Ciao, family.
- Ciao, family?
- Si, si. Continue.
- Okay. This is the Italian me.
- – Ciao, familia. – Sofa! Over to the sofa!
- Okay, everybody around. Yeah.
- Good. Here we go. Uh-huh. Sit.
- Cue Da Vinci.
- Da Vinci?
- Why is there a four-legged marshmallow on my lap?
- Danny, this is no frou-frou poodle.
- This is a man’s poodle. This is a poodle on steroids.
- Cue the girls. Girls, girls, girls.
- Da Vinci’s a wrap.
- Um, good day, Donna Jo.
- And good day to you, too, little Stephanie.
- Oh, father, how excellent to see you.
- We missed you, papa.
- I’m confused. Are we French or Italian? Or Roquefort?
- Girls, sit. Cue housekeeper.
- [British accent] Hi-ho. Teatime at the Tanner’s.
- Now we’re English?
- No, no, no, you silly bloke. I’m the English one, you twit.
- Thank you so much, Mr. French.
- You’re welcome, Uncle Bill.
- Excuse me.
- Buffy. Jody.
- Now you know why I didn’t fight too hard to stay in this thing?
- What does any of this have to do with our family?
- Uh, people, people. Focus, focus. Crew, over by the door. Come on, let’s go.
- And you, right here. Good. And cue the baby Michelle.
- Oh, baby Michelle. Come to daddy, honey.
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, she’s so cute. She’s so adorable.
- Who is she?
- She’s your adopted daughter. We thought it’d be great for your image.
- Honey, is your mommy or daddy nearby?
- In the kitchen.
- In the kitchen. Okay. You go, you go in there and see them.
- Aw, she’s so cute. Almost as cute as my little baby.
- Where is my baby?
- Well, I wanted to go for the adopted daughter. Actually, Michelle just wasn’t quite right for the part.
- You’re saying my daughter wasn’t right for the part of my daughter?
- I auditioned for the part and I came that close.
- I don’t believe this. How could you guys let yourselves get talked into this?
- Well, we knew how important it was to you and…well, we played along.
- Just in case you actually went for this crazy cartoon.
- I don’t think you understand.
- Television news is a very competitive market.
- You’ve got to do something different. You’ve got to make a noise. You’ve got to make a splash.
- I think you splashed down from another planet.
- Wait. I’m getting a vision. I’m seeing a loving family.
- I’m seeing…friends who will do anything to help each other.
- You know what I’m seeing? I’m seeing my children playing the part of my children.
- Nice. Sweet.
- Not insane.
- It’s been done.
- Yeah, but not by us. Hey, I’m proud of who we are.
- And unless you want to show people the real Tanner family I’m just gonna have to direct this thing myself.
- Oh, if you’re gonna direct, then what am I gonna do?
- Oh, it’s quite simple, Ronnie.
- You will hold the cue cards.
- Alright, quiet, everybody. It’s on, it’s on. – Alright, watch this. – Okay.
- Hello. I’m Danny Tanner. I do the sports for Channel 8 Newsbeat.
- Every day at 4, 6 and 10 you’re kind enough to invite me into your home and make me a part of your family.
- Well, I’d like to introduce you to my family.
- Follow me. Like you have a choice.
- Come on. Don’t be afraid.
- Meet my stairs.
- My loafers, my socks, my slacks.
- Right this way.
- Oh, there you are. Golly.
- Hi, girls. Daddy’s home. – Hi, dad! – Hi, dad!
- This happens every night. I swear.
- This is my daughter DJ. And this is Stephanie.
- Look, girls, dad brought home a camera crew.
- We know, dad.
- Yeah, dad. You came up here five minutes ago and told us.
- Honesty. I teach my girls honesty.
- Watch my dad do the sports weeknights on Channel 8.
- At 4, 6 and 10.
- – Don’t miss him. – Don’t miss him.
- Marketing. I also teach them marketing.
- This way, this way.
- Boy, you move fast.
- This is my other little girl, Michelle. Not this one, this one.
- – Is she ready? – Is she ready?
- Are you ready, Michelle? You ready? Huh?
- Okay. Let’s do the La Bamba thing for the berry, alright? – Ready? – Wah wah wah.
- These guys are also part of my family.
- You see, I’m a single parent and they help me take care of my kids.
- This is my brother-in-law, Jesse.
- ‘He has a rock band called Jesse Cochran and The Rippers.’
- Hi, mom.
- And this is my good friend, Joey Gladstone. Joey’s a stand-up comic.
- And, of course, I’m much funnier than I am right now.
- Yes, Michelle, say, “Hi, San Francisco.”
- (Joey) Hi, San Francisco. Please watch my daddy.
- He needs the work. I outgrow my clothes every four months.
- Honesty, marketing, and begging for ratings.
- Welcome to my world. This is..
- (all) Danny Tanner, Channel 8, Action Sports.
- Dad, can I have a raise in allowance?
- You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you, folks?
- Kids. God love ‘em.
- Write letters!
- To be perfectly honest, it needed a poodle.
- You guys were great.
- Does that mean I get the raise in allowance?
- Let’s wait and see how many letters we get.
- I bet you we get 18 tomorrow.
- – Stephanie! – Oops.
- Okay, everybody who wants a sugar rush into the kitchen for ice-cream sundaes.
- – Make a nice banana split. – Yeah.
- Ah-ha! Senor Ferret returns.
- He’s making you look real bad.
- This time he is mine. Come here, buddy. Come here.
- Hey, remember our deal. A condo, a mink, and Club Med.
- Just as I suspected.
- A North American silver-footed ferret. Two and a half pounds. Adult male.
- Joey, he’s a pest and he’s a varmint. And the only way to dispose of this menace is..
- I’m gonna take him to Big Sur and let him go free.
- Ah, you big lug, your heart’s as big as your hair.
- Alright, let’s take him to the kitchen. Show the girls there’s no monsters, alright?
- ♪ Born free ♪ ♪ As free as the wind blows ♪♪
- 靴に靴下にズボン
- こっちへ
- もう来てた
- ただいま
- いつもどおりですよ
- ＤＪとステファニーです
- カメラも一緒だよ
- 知ってる
- さっき 教えてくれたでしょ
- “いつも正直に”と 教えてます
- パパのニュースは平日
- ４時と６時と10時
- お見逃しなく
- 売り込みも教えてます
- どうぞ
- 早いな
- ミシェルです 赤ん坊の方ね
- どう？
- 準備はいいか？ いくぞ
- 得意の“ラ･バンバ”だ
- 彼らも家族の一員です
- 子供たちの 世話をしてくれます
- 義理の弟のジェシー
- バンドのリーダーです
- ママ
- 友人のジョーイ コメディアンです
- 普段はおもしろいんです
- ミシェル ごあいさつは？
- パパのニュース見てね
- お仕事ないと お洋服が買えないの
- 正直に 売り込んで 家計を助ける
- いい家族でしょ？ こちらは…
- ダニー･タナー アクション･スポーツ
- お小遣い上げて
- みんなも賛成でしょ？
- 子供はかわいいですね
- ご意見よろしく
- プードルは必要だった
- よくやったよ
- お小遣い上がる？
- 賛成の手紙次第だ
- 明日18通は来るよ
- ステフ
- キッチンで アイスでも食べようか
- バナナも乗せるか？
- イタチ様のお戻りだ
- うれしそうだね
- 今度こそ捕まえる
- マンションと温泉ね
- 読みどおりだな
- 体重1.25キロの 北米産のイタチ 雄だ
- こいつは悪さするから 保健所か…
- ビーチにでも放すか
- 頭と同じで心も大きいね
- モンスターの正体を 見せてやろう
- 風のように 自由に生きる
You cannot copy content of this page
