- Okay. Where is she?
- Well, she’s at home. But we’re gonna make her a tape.
- Okay, give me that.
- Hi, grandma. It’s Michelle. Do you remember me?
- Now what?
- Uh, why don’t we sing the spider song.
- ♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Went up the water spout ♪
- ♪ Down came the rain ♪ ♪ And washed the spider out ♪
- ♪ Out came the sun ♪ ♪ And dried up all the rain ♪
- ♪ And the itsy bitsy spider ♪ ♪ Went up the spout again ♪♪
- Joseph, if we’re gonna come up with a good campaign for this Captain Hook peanut butter chunk
- I’m afraid we’re just gonna have to break down and try it.
- I was afraid of that.
- Okay, let’s take a taste of this stuff and say the first thing that comes to mind, ready?
- Not bad. Joseph, do I have any in my teeth?
- Happy birthday to me.
- No, Michelle, it’s not your birthday until you get down to one last birthday cake.
- Now, take one away for today. Good girl.
- Now, how many till your birthday?
- One, two, three, four.
- Too many.
- Oh, hang in there, kid. It’s not gonna be long before you’re how old?
- Three-years-old.
- Then you and your play-group friends get a big circus party.
- Joseph, forget about this. The circus is for kids. I got a better idea.
- Excuse me. Michelle, wouldn’t you rather have an Elvis party?
- Better idea, instead of all those goofy little hats your friends can wear little tiny sideburns.
- – What do you say, little mama? – No, thank you, big daddy.
- Jess..
- Sorry. What can you possibly have against the circus?
- Clowns. I hate ‘em.
- – How can you hate clowns? – They bug me, man.
- They think they’re so funny.
- Come on, get in the spirit. Danny and I are gonna dress up like clowns.
- You already are clowns.
- Look, Joseph, I’m happy to do what I can. I-I’ll cook, I’ll put up decorations.
- But if you want me to dress up like a chucklehead I say take your rubber nose and honk it.
- Look. Happy birthday to me.
- Michelle, did you pull off all those birthday cakes?
- Who, me?
- “Who, me? Who, me? Who, me?”
- Comet, listen to this poem I wrote about you for school.
- “My family has a new puppy “He’s bigger than a guppy
- “My dad puts down paper for Comet but he always forgets to go on it.”
- I decided what I’m gonna be for Michelle’s circus party. I’m gonna be a lion tamer.
- Oh, yeah. Like dad’s really gonna let a lion in the house.
- I’m not gonna need a lion. I’m gonna tame Comet.
- Okay, Comet.
- Try to look mean. Try to look tough. Try to look ferocious.
- I’m gonna be a juggler.
- Steph, do you know anything about juggling?
- Technically.. …no.
- But, how hard can it be? All you do is throw three balls up in the air and keep them there.
- So, Deej.. …need a lovely assistant?
- Finally, the last one.
- Hey, Jess, I got another hundred balloons.
- Okay, would you rather be Elvo, the lip-quivering clown?
- I just got a second wind.
- I got a great cake.
- Did you get triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown’s face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya? Did ya? Did ya?
- – Yes, Joey. Look at this. – Oh, yes.
- Hey, Joey, you wanna help me, come blow up some of these nifty balloons. Would ya? Would ya? Would ya? Would ya?
- Jess, grow up.
- Hey, could one of you guys follow me to my mechanic tomorrow? My car sounds like Ed McMahon again.
- Danny, I’m insulted, you’ve a car expert right here in the family, I’ll take care of it for you.
- – Oh, really? Thanks, Jess. – My pleasure.
- Why pay a mechanic when you could pay me?
- I’m kidding. Unless, of course, you went for it.
- Happy birthday to me.
- (together) Happy birthday, Michelle.
- Do you know what happens today?
- My circus party.
- Ah, Michelle, your party’s not until this afternoon.
- My birthday cake.
- Okay. That’s it. She’s gone birthday bananas.
- Why don’t we take the little conehead upstairs while we get the big top all set up, huh?
- No, no, no. I got a better idea.
- Michelle, let’s go fix daddy’s car, then after that we can go for a special birthday drive, okay?
- No way, Jose.
- I almost got it! This time for sure.
- I hate gravity.
- Don’t worry about it. It’s a party for three-year-olds. You’ll be lucky if they’re even looking at you.
- Now, come on, let’s go take a nice drive, okay?
- It’s gonna be so much fun.
- But Michelle can’t go because she’s not three-years-old yet.
- I am three-years-old.
- Then you get to go.
- Jess, are you just being this nice to get out of blowing up more balloons?
- Absolutely. Ciao, babe.
- Joey.
- Michelle did it first.
- All done.
- Danny, I love this circus decor. We should’ve done this to the house years ago.
- You know, it’s too bad my station canceled “Uncle Funsie’s Big Top” but it saved us a fortune on party decorations.
- I got it.
- Hello? Jesse, where are you? Michelle’s friends are gonna be here any minute.
- Yeah, well, we’re stuck out here at a gas station uh, they don’t know what’s wrong with your car but they know it’s gonna be very, very expensive.
- Look, this had nothing to do with me adjusting your idle.
- Oh, why would I blame you? Just because you were the last one to touch my car and now it’s dead?
- Alright, look, we’ll be home just as soon as Elmer revives your car.
- And listen, don’t worry about this bill because I’ve taken care of it.
- I found your credit card in your glove compartment. Bye.
- Well, you’re all set, but, listen, I don’t know who
- the donkey-brain was that fiddled with your idle but you ought to get your money back.
- I’ll see what I can do.
- Well, I’m going home and siesta.
- Alright. Well, have a nice nap.
- No, I’m going home to see Esther, my wife.
- – Gets them every time. – I’m sure it does.
- Alright, anyone have to go potty before we go?
- – I do. – I do.
- Good. Because I’m dyin’.
- Alright, boys on the left, girls on the right.
- Oh, great. The birthday girl’s at a gas station and my house is about to turn into Sesame Circus.
- Should I answer the door?
- If we’re really quiet, maybe they’ll go away.
- Alright, hurry up. It’s time to go to Michelle’s circus party.
- Time for presents.
- You got it, babe. We’re out of here.
- We’re out of here.
- Anyone have to potty again?
- – Uh-oh. – Why you said “Uh-oh”?
- Because if we can’t get out of here you’re gonna miss your birthday.
- No happy birthday to me?
- ♪ Row row row your boat ♪ ♪ Gently down the stream ♪
- Take it, boys.
- Take it, girls.
- ♪ Merrily merrily merrily merrily ♪ ♪ Life is but a.. ♪
- ♪ Nightmare ♪♪
- Dad! Joey! I’m dying out here.
- Why didn’t we just go to Chuck E. Cheese’s?
- Come on, Danny. We gotta start the circus.
- Without Michelle? We’re gonna put on a circus for the neighbors’ kids?
- Danny, it’ll be lots of fun. And when Michelle gets back, we’ll do it again for her.
- [laughing] Oh, goody. We’ve added a second show.
- I got it.
- Hi. I hope this is the birthday party.
- It sure is. Come right in.
- Hi, I’m Joey Gladstone.
- I’m Karen Penner, Robert’s aunt.
- Have we met before?
- No, I think I’d remember that face.
- Hi there. I’m Danny Tanner.
- I’m a single parent, and I love foreign films and long walks along the beach.
- Well, nice to meet you both.
- – Thank you. – Thank you.
- Um, normally, Karen, I’m a very snazzy dresser.
- You see, earth tones go well with my big, brown doe eyes.
- You may have seen the real me on my talk show “Wake Up, San Francisco.”
- Oh, I love your show. I have breakfast with you every morning.
- Really?
- Well, then, why don’t you, uh, stay for the circus.
- Stay for the birthday cake, stay for, are you married?
- – No. – Stay for as long as you like.
- The circus is right through here. Pardon my feet.
- There you are.
- Danny, what’s with you, I’ve never seen you so aggressive.
- I don’t know what came over me. I-I just got this manly feeling.
- Quite frankly.. …I liked it.
- We’re stuck in here. Bars on every window.
- They afraid someone’s gonna break in and clean the joint up?
- Where’s my circus party?
- Don’t worry, Uncle Jesse is coming up with a plan right now to get us out of here.
- Well?
- Well, my-my plan is to wait here until Goober lets us out.
- I was wrong. There is no plan.
- I want my circus party.
- Oh, Michelle, I’m sorry. I know it’s your birthday, pal.
- But I don’t know what to do. We’re stuck in here.
- I’ll tell you what. You want a circus party?
- I’m gonna give you the best darn circus party in the history of circus parties, how’s that sounds?
- Oh, boy!
- And you know what? We’re gonna have it right here in this gas station.
- In this gas station?
- Steph, trust me on this one and this time, I got a real plan. Come here. I’ll tell you about it.
- And you, don’t listen.
- Ta-da, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
- presenting the greatest show in this room The Tanner Family Circus!
- Starring me, Tanner, the Tamer.
- Stand back, I’m about to release Comet, the Ferocious.
- Hey, that’s not a lion!
- That’s what the last kid said just before Comet ate him.
- Now watch as this vicious creature obeys my every command.
- Come on, Comet. Come on. Come on, honey. Jump through the hoop. Come on.
- Now get ready to laugh your heads off. Send in the clowns!
- Hi, boys and girls. I’m Jo-Jo the Clown. And this is my sidekick, Clean-O.
- Hi, kids. Remember, a clean circus is a fun circus.
- Oh, but the best circus is a messy circus.
- Okay, Jo-Jo, you made your point.
- Oh, I’m gonna get you now, Jo-Jo.
- Here I go.
- What are you kids laughin’ at, huh?
- Okay, kids.
- Now it’s time for some good, clean fun with balloons.
- Hey, pretty lady, here you go. I give you my heart.
- Why, thank you, Clean-O. But isn’t this party supposed to be for the kids?
- What kids?
- Oh, the kids. Oh-ho-ho.
- Oh, why don’t we let Jo-Jo entertain the kids.
- Oh, guess what, kids? Clean-O is on the make.
- No, Clean-O was just having a little good old, clean fun.
- Like this.
- And this.
- Oh, I’m havin’ a party in my pants.
- The party’s just begun.
- I thought I knew all of Michelle’s friends.
- Joey, what is an elephant doing at my front door?
- Surprise, Clean-O.
- The surprise is on Jo-Jo. She got my underwear.
- Oh, I’ve only got one pair.
- (Jesse) ‘Welcome to Michelle’s..’ ‘…Big Top Circus of Love!’
- Hi. I’m Greasy the Clown.
- And I’m Stephabell, the other clown.
- And we’re here to say..
- (together) Happy Birthday, Michelle!
- Thank you very much.
- And now, let the circus begin!
- And now, Greasy walks the tightrope without a net.
- Hold on to your hat.
- Now what?
- Now, it’s time for Michelle’s Big Top to present
- Greasy and Stephabell’s fun-filled extravaganza of puppet love.
- (Jesse) Hi, Sock-O, how are you on this beautiful day?
- (Stephanie) Not so good, Toesy. I’m locked in a gas station.
- Thanks to my uncle.
- (Jesse) I hardly think placing the blame on the nice uncle is gonna help the situation.
- (Stephanie) Well, you did ask how my day was.
- (Jesse) Yeah, yes, I realize that. But it’s not the uncle’s fault.
- – It is. – It isn’t.
- – It is. – It isn’t.
- Help! I’m naked, I’m naked!
- That’s funny.
- And now, Greasy and Stephanie proudly present the big finale.
- Their tribute to Up With Juggling.
- – Come on, Steph. – I can’t do it.
- Steph, come on. It’s for Michelle. Try it for Michelle.
- – Okay. – Okay.
- Whoa, you did it, Steph. Alright!
- How do you do that?
- I have no idea.
- And now..
- ♪ Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you ♪
- ♪ Happy birthday dear Michelle happy birthday to you ♪
- Blow them out.
- What the H-E Double Hockey Sticks is going on in here?
- Elmer, don’t you check the bathroom before you lock up?
- – What’s the matter with you? – What’s the matter with me?
- You’re the one that’s wearing a funnel on his head.
- Oh, come here, Michelle. Hi, honey.
- Hi, Steph.
- Jess, I have one word for you, how?
- Danny, I told you on the phone it wasn’t my fault.
- Oh, sure you read about it every day “Family trapped in gas station. Child’s birthday ruined.”
- ‘Well, look, I-I’m sorry, but what–‘
- How could you let this happen? We just put on a three-hour circus for the neighbors’ kids.
- Michelle, honey, I know you were looking forward to a big party with all your friends.
- – But we can still have fun. – Daddy, I saw clowns.
- Yes, honey, I know you saw clowns. Daddy’s dressed up like a clown.
- Uncle Jesse was a clown.
- Uncle Jesse was a clown? Uncle Jesse hates clowns.
- More than ever.
- But he was a great clown. He made a whole circus at the gas station.
- With a tightrope walker, and a puppet show
- and two jugglers, thank you very much.
- Jess, you really put on a circus for Michelle?
- Hey, it was my niece’s third birthday.
- Oh, man, I’m sorry.
- Shame on me. There’s nothing lower than a cranky clown.
- You were a great uncle today. Heck, you’re a great uncle everyday.
- Thanks, buddy.
- Ho-ho, ho-ho, ho-ho. This is a bozo no-no.
- Oh, Michelle, you’re back. We saved you a special surprise from your party.
- Come on, it’s in the back yard.
- – Come on, let’s go see it. – Special surprise?
- What do you think it is?
- Uncle Jesse, how’d you get locked in a gas station?
- D.J., someday when you’re older
- and you get locked in a gas station, you’ll understand.
- Happy birthday, Michelle.
- – Bimbo. – No, Michelle, that’s Dumbo.
- Big present.
- Well, it’s not to keep, honey. It’s just to ride.
- And here we go.
- Hey, hold on.
- Whoa, baby.
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