- Where you gonna go? You’re in a baby jail.
- [coughs] I’m ready for Stephanie’s recital. Do you think the shirt and tie go?
- Well, I think the shirt and the tie should go.
- Stephanie, you’ve been rehearsing for three days straight. You’re this close to ballerina burnout.
- – Stephanie. – Stephanie.
- – Stephanie! – Stephanie!
- I am not Stephanie.
- I’m a swan who’s about to kick the bucket.
- Oh, God. There’s a dead swan in the living room.
- Joey.. …I’m alive. I was just acting.
- [gasps] No! Get out of town. Unbelievable!
- Uh-oh. That’s daddy. I don’t want him to see me in my tutu until show time.
- Yikes!
- Sorry, I’m late. I was editing my feature on
- great moments in bowling and I got held up
- when I couldn’t find a second moment.
- Oh, dad, after Stephanie’s recital we hit the big sale at the fashion mart.
- Everything is half off.
- Of course, that doesn’t save me any money ‘cause you’ll just buy twice as much stuff, right?
- – I like your attitude. – ‘Ha ha ha.’
- It’s Saturday afternoon I’m all dressed up..
- …and where am I going? A munchkin ballet.
- Uncle Jesse, hot outfit.
- Help Joey.
- Very sharp, Joseph.
- Where you going after the ballet? Don Ho’s wedding?
- Jesse, it’s for you.
- How do you know she’s not here to see me?
- – Jesse! – Adrianna, have mercy.
- If she’s here to see you she’s very nice to your friends.
- Let me introduce you to my roommates. This is Danny Tanner and this is King Kamehameha.
- You guys will never guess where I met this girl.
- A PTA meeting?
- Close. Skydiving.
- [Italian accent] He missed the target and dropped right into my Alfa Romeo.
- “Dropped right my Alfa..” I love that!
- Anyway, she asked me to come back to her place and it turned out her place was in Rome. Who would’ve known?
- Come on, I’ll make you some Spaghetti-Os.
- The guy is amazing. He takes off, just like that goes to Rome, no toothbrush no clean underwear.
- What a life! Now, that is my fantasy.
- You fantasize about having bad breath and dirty underwear?
- Michelle! Hi, Michelle.
- Oh, hi! Say dada.
- Say dada.
- Say da..
- She’s so close. I can feel it. Say dada. Come on.
- [little baby voice] Dada, okay? Now get off my back.
- Really? The station wants me to cover the game of the week? That’s great!
- Um…no, that’s not great.
- Look, my little girl is having her first ballet recital.
- Any chance Stanford and UCLA could delay the kickoff you know, like three, four hours?
- [chuckles] Hey, I took a shot.
- Alright. Yeah, I’ll be there.
- You’re gonna to miss my recital?
- I’m really sorry, honey. I feel terrible.
- It’s okay, dad, me and Steph understand you have to work.
- But it’s great having your dad on TV right, Steph?
- Yeah. That part’s fun.
- I guess this means we’re gonna miss the big sale, too.
- That’s okay, we can go some other time and pay full price.
- Can I help you?
- I need to talk to you.
- Go ahead, talk.
- So here’s what I’m thinkin’.
- I think I need to make some changes in my life.
- Bran. Eat more bran.
- What I mean by change is.. …more danger more excitement
- more Adrianna.
- I’ll be right back.
- And I’ll be right here.
- Come here, come here, come here.
- What do you want?
- I want your life.
- – Were you always like this? – No, I wasn’t always like this.
- I was like you. Then I turned four.
- I remember, man, my dad got me my first bike. Sailed into the driveway I ripped off the training wheels
- packed a bag, and took off to adventure.
- If my dad hadn’t snagged me I’d have made it all the way to the Dairy Queen.
- See? I love that story. That’s what I want. A life without training wheels.
- You know something, kid? I like you.
- I think I could give you that life. But you gotta understand when you’re talking about a life like mine
- you’re talking about living on the edge, man. You’re talking about taking risks.
- You’re talking about.. …buying a new wardrobe.
- Are you, Joseph Gladstone ready to make that kind of commitment?
- I am ready to be committed.
- And now I get one.
- – Jesse! – ‘Okay.’
- What could you possibly want?
- How was Stephanie’s recital?
- She came out, she danced, she died.
- Oh, God. I wish I could have been there.
- Alright, I rushed home, there’s still time to take the girls shopping.
- Uh, don’t worry about it, I already took care of it, I had to take Joey shopping so I took the girls to the sale, saved you a few bucks.
- Oh. That was nice of you.
- Hey, girls, come on downstairs and model your new clothes for your dad, go!
- Uh, Jesse, why don’t I just wait for you back at the hotel?
- (Adrianna) ‘And I’ll try on’ this cute little outfit you bought me.
- Have mercy.
- Oh, you’re going to love this.
- And now, the lovely Donna Jo. ‘Donna Jo is sporting that lovely fall look.’
- ‘She’s got a tomato-red hat’ ‘for that tomato-head look.’
- ‘And, hey, look at them shoulders, huh?’ Too much, baby. Thank you, Donna Jo.
- And now, Stephanie.
- The young Stephanie, just back from a show in Milan ‘steps out in style in her multicolored print.’
- ‘She’s a nice kid’ ‘but she’s got a back problem.’
- ‘Thank you, Stephanie.’
- Thank you, Stephanie.
- ‘Thank you, Stephanie.’
- Thanks, Steph!
- Oh, and now for the latest in the always exciting world of toddler fashion
- ‘the lovely, scintillating Michelle.’
- ‘Michelle is sporting that look that says’ ‘”Hey, babe. It’s the late eighties’ ‘and I’m loving every minute of it.”‘
- Come here, you little weasel.
- Looks like I missed out on a really special day.
- [sighs] My little girls they’re growing up so fast.
- And now, taking a major fashion risk is the ultimate macho macho man
- Big Joe Stud!
- – ‘Heh!’ – Joey!
- Shut up, punk.
- Joey, you know you actually make Michael Jackson look tough.
- – Mm, Michelle. – Eldo.
- You’re gonna to be such a fox when you get older.
- Jesse, my little girl just called you dada.
- Oh, no, no, she didn’t call me dada. She called me, uh, she called me dodo.
- Well, here. Here’s your dad. There. Lay a dada on him. Come on.
- Hi. Remember me? Remember? I’m your biological dada.
- Come on, you little muppet.
- Man, the guy’s really asking for a dada. Can’t you give him a dada? Come on.
- I’m your Uncle Jesse.
- Dada.
- I’m not your dad.
- Here. Give me the babe.
- Dada.
- Here. Hi. It’s me, dada!
- Dada, dada, dada.
- My sweet little baby my own flesh and blood thinks that you two are her father.
- Oh, my God!
- My little baby doesn’t have the foggiest idea who I am.
- How many of us really know who we are?
- This is all my fault.
- I’m working too many hours. I’ve got to spend more time with my children.
- Uncle Jesse bought us these to go clubbing.
- Can we keep them, dad?
- “Dad”. She called me dad.
- Girls, I am taking all three of you out for father-daughter day.
- Alright, daddy!
- She called me daddy, too.
- Want to jump that fountain again?
- Joseph, we’re off the bike.
- So, I should let go of you now.
- Either that or we have a lot of explaining to do to my parents.
- Get off!
- How’d you like that ride?
- Jesse, it was a revelation. I saw God!
- In fact, I think we lapped him.
- Alright, man, you got the look you got the feel, now all you gotta do is get on a bike and ride to adventure.
- Yeah, baby!
- – I’m hell-bound! – Whoa, whoa!
- You ain’t hell-bound on my bike. Nobody rides my bike but me.
- You need a bike? Take your pick.
- And if you miss that vroom sound put some cards in the spokes.
- You know what you are? You’re a bike tease.
- You get a guy all fired up but then you say, “Uh-uh, no.”
- Well, I want danger I want adventure
- I want to ride your pig.
- That’s “hog”.
- Alright, Joey. Once around the block. Go ahead.
- Now, listen, you be very, very careful. You hear me?
- I can’t watch this.
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold it!
- What’s your problem, dude?
- You got to open the garage door, dude.
- Radical.
- Daddy, why are you making feet movies?
- Because I love you and I love your little feet.
- What’s going on?
- Daddy loves me and he loves my little feet.
- I want to preserve every minute of your lives.
- I’m gonna go brush my teeth. Do you want to reload?
- Wait a minute, D.J.
- Girls, I have a surprise for you.
- I am not going to work today. Today is father-daughter day, part two.
- Wait a minute, dad. How can you do this? Sunday’s your busiest day.
- I worked it out.
- I’m working New Year’s Eve but I worked it out.
- This is your day. We can do whatever you want to do. What do you want to do?
- Can we…take a cruise around the bay?
- It’s your day.
- Then can we go horseback riding?
- It’s your day.
- Then can we buy a big-screen TV a CD player, and a couple of mopeds?
- Why don’t I just get you your own MasterCard?
- Ooh, it is my day.
- Hello. Joey! You’ve been gone since yesterday. You get your butt back here right now..
- …”Chill out, babe”?
- Listen, you little leather-clad weasel I created you, I can destroy you.
- …I never taught him “chill out”.
- Safe.
- It’s your last Christmas.
- Tell Santa what kind of tombstone you want.
- – Jesse– – I said once around the block. Once around the block. Where were you?
- Once. You know what “once” means? Do you know what “once” means?
- Hi, girls!
- Oh, yeah, like that old trick’s supposed to work.
- – Hi, Uncle Jesse. – Hi, Joey.
- Ha ha ha. Hey, girls, how are you?
- I was just welcoming home Joseph.
- Girls, let’s give the boys a moment to get reacquainted.
- Alright, speak, geek. You better have one hell of a story.
- Jesse, as soon as I left the driveway your spirit entered my body.
- I knew that it was your spirit because my hair expanded.
- Alright, alright, quit suckin’ up and tell the story.
- Then she appeared.
- Five eleven, dressed from head to toe in red leather.
- And what did my spirit tell you to do?
- I threw the babe on the back of the bike
- popped a wheelie, and said, “Have mercy”.
- Now, that’s my spirit. That’s my spirit, see?
- Then we cruised into Vegas
- checked into Caesars. Hit the crap tables
- hour and a half later, I’m up $14,000.
- Fourteen thousand dollars. That’s a lot of money.
- And you have a pretty girl.. …did you, uh, you know?
- Yep. Got married.
- – Then it got interesting. – Oh.
- We hopped on a jet for the Big Apple. – Helicoptered into Manhattan.. – Very nice.
- …where we quickly produced a revival of the Broadway smash “Porgie and Bess”.
- You don’t believe a word of this, do you?
- Not a syllable.
- Well, let’s give the truth a whirl.
- I met a girl who lives just down the street.
- Um, she wasn’t dressed in red leather. She had a nice wallet.
- So we went to her place, uh, where I did win $14,000..
- …in Monopoly money.
- Then I fell asleep on her couch. You believe that, don’t you?
- Yeah. I have to. You put a mile and a half on the bike.
- Jesse, I’m sorry I was gone so long. Hope I didn’t let you down.
- Aw, you didn’t let me down. Now, maybe you didn’t have a wild and crazy adventure
- but you had a cute little.. …adventure-ette.
- – And you know what I found out? – Mm?
- No matter what I wear or what I’m riding on I’m still gonna be Joey.
- And you know something? That’s okay.
- You’re damn right it’s okay.
- Alright, Big Joe Stud.
- Yeah, I guess I am pretty studly.
- Okay, out of my way, dude.
- Going upstairs to take a bubble bath.
- Daddy, I love father-daughter day.
- (Danny) ‘Me, too, sweetheart.’
- But tomorrow it’s back to the real world. I go back to work and you girls go to school.
- Ah, fudge.
- – Goodnight. – Goodnight.
- Great day, huh, Deej?
- Yeah, major fun. It was one of the best days of my life.
- You don’t sound all that happy.
- I’m happy, honest.
- See? These are happy teeth.
- I’ve known that face since it was the size of a tennis ball. That is not a D.J. happy face.
- Dad, for the last time, I’m happy. Happy, happy, happy, okay?
- Uh…Steph? Honey, I’ll bet you want to get yourself a glass of water.
- I’m not dumb. You want me to leave.
- Something’s wrong.
- Sweetie, I promise if something’s wrong we’ll make it all better.
- Alright.
- But if you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom drinking water and waiting.
- D.J.? What’s going on here?
- You don’t have to put on a happy act for me.
- It wasn’t for you, it was for Stephanie.
- Well, Stephanie’s not here, honey. What’s going on?
- It’s just hard being brave for my little sister all the time.
- Like when you couldn’t take me shopping I felt terrible.
- But I couldn’t show it because if I did, Stephanie would cry about you missing her recital.
- D.J., you are a terrific big sister
- but no one has to put on an act in this house.
- Now, what’s bothering you?
- I don’t know.
- Today was so much fun.
- You took us horseback riding to the circus, to Marine World
- but I kept getting sadder and sadder.
- What part depressed you the most? The circus clowns or Shamu?
- Honey, maybe you were sad for the same reason I was.
- You were sad, too?
- A little bit.
- Because the more fun we had the more I hated to see it end.
- I wish we could have days like this all the time.
- I really love being with you.
- [sighs] I love being with you, too. [sighs] But there is no easy answer here.
- I know you have to work.
- I wish I could be in two places at once but I can’t.
- You know, I feel better.
- You do?
- Yeah, we didn’t solve anything but just talking about it helps.
- It helps me, too.
- And, D.J., I promise, I’m gonna find more time to spend with you girls.
- And anytime you want to see me you can always pull me out of school.
- Especially if you want to see me during math class.
- Now, that’s a D.J. happy face.
- Uh, come here, little tennis-ball head.
- ‘You may not remember today’ but it was one of the best days of my life.
- I love you, Michelle.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.
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