- Beck, I can’t help noticing this is only three-quarters of a big family hug.
- And I can’t help noticing that you are over an hour late.
- Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I got a severe case of helmet hair.
- And you know, you can’t just comb that away. I had to, I had to shampoo in the drinking fountain.
- Well, I was worried.
- Please explain to me why a father of two and a husband of one
- suddenly feels the need to risk his neck speeding around a muddy track on a motorcycle with a bunch of other yahoos.
- Okay, I’ll explain. ‘Cause I like it.
- – Oh, that’s mature. – Oh, that’s mature.
- What do you mean, a bunch of other yahoos? Do you think I’m a yahoo?
- They’re fighting.
- Let’s go flush something.
- Beck, you know that there’s always been a part of me that loves taking risks.
- It-it makes me feel alive. It takes the everyday-ness out of the everyday.
- Well, what happens when Motocross gets boring, huh?
- Where do you draw the line? Bullfighting, hang gliding, nude welding?
- Line drawn right there.
- You know, my Uncle Spiros, right? He never took a risk in his life.
- One day, he walks out his front door, and boom! He’s dead.
- – Heart attack? – No. He lived in a Winnebago.
- See, he was going 60, opened the door, he went out.. It’s not a pretty sight.
- Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that there are no guarantees in life.
- I say every once in a while, you gotta take a risk.
- Guess what we flushed!
- I’ll go take a risk right now.
- Oh, now there’s something you don’t see every day. A nun with a goatee.
- This is “The Jerry Springer Show.”
- D.J., Stephanie, tomorrow night, no TV.
- – Uncle Joey! – It’s not fair.
- Because you have two tickets to see your favorite group. Counting Crows!
- Uncle Joey, I love them! I listen to them all the time!
- All my friends are going. It’s been sold out for weeks. Where’d you get these?
- Well, I, uh…I won a little sub-eating contest at El Bloato’s sub shop.
- I polished off an entire Megameaty in less than a minute.
- You, uh, you ate a sub just to win tickets?
- Well, the truth is, I, uh–
- You didn’t even know it was a contest, did you?
- Wanna go to the concert or not?
- Wait a minute. How come Steph and D.J. get to go and not me?
- Michelle, you know you’re not into that kind of music.
- Sure I am. I listen to it all the time.
- – You do not. – Do too.
- – Don’t! – Girls! Girls! That’s enough.
- Okay, we’ve heard your opening statements and I think Michelle is right. We have to do what’s fair.
- We’re always fair.
- Okay. We’ve got three girls and two tickets. Any ideas?
- Yeah. Yeah, I got an idea.
- Girls, in my pocket
- I have three licorice whips. One of them, I should add, is half-eaten.
- [clears throat] Now.. Whoever gets that one, well, you don’t go to the show.
- – Alright. I’m going. – I’m going, too.
- Every time you’re fair, I get the shaft.
- I’m sorry, Steph. You know there’ll be other concerts.
- Uh, Steph, if it makes you feel any better you can have that licorice whip.
- Yay! My favorite flavor. Slobber and lint.
- Alright, now, D.J. there’s gonna be a big crowd there, okay? So I want you to keep your eyes on Michelle every second.
- I don’t want her coming home with anything pierced or tattooed.
- Great. When did this turn into a babysitting job?
- Dad, all my friends are gonna be there. There’s gonna be a party after.
- I’ll bring Twister.
- Oh, now I’m feeling better.
- I’m sorry. You gotta handle this. Life isn’t always fair.
- It was two minutes ago.
- Alright, just the way it worked out.
- If you’ll excuse us, uh, Joey and I are gonna go upstairs and retrieve a corn dog from a sink trap.
- – We are? – Yes.
- And then I’m gonna teach you how to shave without eating.
- If my dad couldn’t do it, there’s no way you can do it.
- This is great. I’m gonna call Lisa. Maybe she can tell me who the Counting Cows are.
- Counting Cows? It’s Counting Crows.
- You’ve never even heard of ‘em.
- I’ll hear them at the concert.
- I can’t believe it. The little liar.
- We’re both totally burned.
- But what if Michelle had to give me her ticket because she couldn’t go to the concert?
- Sounds like you have a plan.
- Ah! Indeed, I do.
- Becky and Dan are on. Turn up the volume.
- These batteries must be shot.
- I think your brain is shot. That’s the remote control for Nicky and Alex’s toy helicopter.
- Oh, cool.
- – Give me. – Ow!
- So with no further ado, let’s say hello to the bungee-jumping grandma herself Edna Parrish.
- – Hello, there. How are you? – Great.
- Hi, Edna. Nice to meet you.
- Well, besides bungee jumping
- Edna has also whitewater rafted done some cliff diving and even wrestled alligators.
- Whoa, ‘gators.
- Edna, wow. Any plans to slow down a little? Like, maybe only defy death once a week?
- Oh, no, sirree.
- I’ve lived as long as I have because of the risks I take.
- That’s right. Listen to her, Beck.
- It’s the same philosophy my dearly departed Arthur had..
- …before his parachute accident.
- I’m so sorry. Parachute accident. What a horrible way to go.
- Not really.
- He was asleep in the backyard and this paratrooper landed on him.
- Oh! He didn’t feel a thing.
- Maybe now would be a good time to take a look at Edna’s most recent bungee adventure.
- Cowabunga!
- (Becky) ‘Whoa, that’s amazing!’
- (Danny) ‘I’m thinking you don’t need a big early-bird dinner’ ‘before doing something like that, Edna.’
- You know, Edna..
- I see you do something like that and I see you here in person, and you’re so full of life.
- I mean, maybe my husband’s right. Maybe there is something to this risk-taking thing.
- Looks like someone’s seen the light.
- I’ll tell you.
- Why don’t you two come bungee jumping with me next week?
- Well, what do you say, Stretch?
- Well, I’m not a scaredy-cat now but when it comes to bungee jumping I’ve got two words for you.
- Me-ow.
- What are you scared of?
- It’s safe, and it’s fun!
- Well, Edna, I don’t know about Stretch here but you talked me into it.
- Next week, you and I are going bungee jumping.
- – Oh, no, you’re not. – Oh, yes, she is.
- Didn’t you hear her? I’ll turn it up.
- – Hi, honey. – Hi, sweetheart.
- – How was your day? – Oh, terrific. It was great.
- I dropped the boys off at nursery school did some grocery shopping..
- Oh, by the way, you’re not bungee jumping.
- The band came over, we worked on this little tune–
- Wait a second. Wait a second.
- Did you just say I’m not bungee jumping?
- Yeah. The band came over, we did this really cool tune. It kind of has a Shaft vibe.
- That’s it? We’re not gonna talk about it?
- We just did. I said it’s a Shaft vibe.
- I mean the bungee jumping.
- Oh, that, the bungee jumping. Why, I think we pretty much talked that out.
- No, no, no. Wait a second. Wait a second.
- You’ve talked it out. I’m just getting warmed up.
- Oh, come on, sweetheart. Jumping off a bridge attached to a little rubber band? That isn’t you.
- I mean, you’re a talk show host. The riskiest thing you’ve ever done is try Ed Asner’s carrot cake.
- Well, what happened to taking risks? Feeling alive. Taking the everyday-ness out of the everyday?
- Well, that was me. This is you. You’re a mother.
- You’re a father!
- This is a complete double standard.
- Oh, come on. This is not a double standard. There are just some things that I can do that you can’t.
- Well, this ain’t one of ‘em.
- I’m bungee jumping. End of discussion.
- No. No, this discussion isn’t over until I say it’s over.
- Now, it’s over.
- Michelle, how can you sit there in just a T-shirt? The furnace broke, and the house is freezing.
- Yeah, you better put this on before you get sick.
- What are you talking about? I’m boiling.
- Boiling?
- Put another shrimp on the Barbie.
- If only we could take her temperature.
- Hey, we’re in luck. A thermometer in my parka.
- What are the odds?
- We better get you into bed immediately.
- But I feel fine.
- Well, all sick people start off feeling fine.
- Oh, my gosh. 116!
- Is that bad?
- Not if you’re a rump roast.
- Sounds to me like… Shmedrick’s disease.
- Shmedrick’s disease?
- Uh-oh, D.J., the next sign of Shmedrick’s.
- She’s getting the spots.
- Spots? What spots?
- These spots.
- They’re on my pillow, too!
- Whoo! That stuff spreads fast.
- Steph, it’s definitely Shmedrick’s. I mean, she’s showing the first three signs.
- Fever, red spots, vomiting.
- I didn’t throw up.
- Uh-oh. The next sign… memory loss.
- Well, thank God, you’ve got two loving sisters that care for you and make you comfortable and nurse you back to health.
- Oh, there you are. I had to turn down your thermostat.
- Did you know some chucklehead turned it up to 100–
- Kimmy, is there a particular reason you’re over here?
- Oh, yeah. I need to borrow a couple things. It’s my turn to cook dinner and my dad wants Beef Wellington.
- Oh. What do you need?
- Beef and whatever the heck Wellington is.
- Listen, Kimmy, just take whatever you want.
- Now, if you’ll excuse us..
- Hey, Rip Van Runt. Isn’t it a little early for beddy-bye?
- I’ve got Shmedrick’s disease.
- Really? I had that when I was ten.
- Somehow I doubt that.
- You’re right. It was chicken pox, and I was eight.
- No, wait a minute. It wasn’t me it was my cousin–
- Goodbye, Kimmy.
- Geez, you share one childhood memory..
- When is dad coming home?
- Uh, Michelle, about this disease.. See, it’s a minor illness for people our age.
- But if a grown-up gets it or even hears you talking about it..
- Well, then.. …something happens.
- – Right, D.J.? – Yeah.
- Uh, it’s terrible.
- Um, they go completely bald.
- You know that, uh, Captain Picard on “Star Trek?” Shmedrick’s.
- So how do I get better?
- Just stay in bed until tomorrow. Luckily, you only have 24-hour Shmedrick’s.
- If I have to stay in bed that means I’ll miss the concert.
- Oh, no.
- We didn’t even think of that.
- That ticket’s gonna go to waste.
- If only you knew someone who was sitting home tonight with no plans and already had her coat on.
- Do you wanna go, Steph?
- Me? Well, let’s see. No plans.
- And look at that, a coat on.
- Dad’s home.
- Uh, thanks for the ticket, Michelle. Got to go.
- And, uh, just stay in bed. Don’t tell anyone anything.
- – Yeah. – ‘Wait.’
- You guys have been so good to me I’ve got to tell you the truth.
- I really didn’t care about the Counting Cars.
- Crows!
- All I wanted to do was something grown-up with you guys.
- You get to do all kinds of fun stuff and I always feel left out.
- Really?
- You do?
- You guys are so cool. I want to grow up and be just like you.
- Oh, rats!
- We were so close.
- Michelle, you’re fine.
- There’s nothing wrong with you.
- You mean I don’t have Shmedrick’s?
- No. Mr. Shmedrick is my biology teacher.
- We made the whole thing up.
- We were just mad because you weaseled that ticket away from Stephanie.
- Yeah. Here. You go to the concert.
- No. You guys go. You’re the one who really liked Counting Cats.
- – Crows! – Crows!
- Thanks, Michelle.
- Hey, and we promise next weekend the three of us will go out and do something really grown-up.
- Get pierced and tattooed?
- Uh, how about a PG movie?
- With mature themes and adult situations?
- – Come on out of there. – Yeah.
- Beck. Beck, I gotta talk to you before you go out and do something crazy.
- Okay, but make it fast ‘cause I have to jump off a bridge in an hour.
- Listen, I know why you’re doing this. You’re trying to get back at me for all the times I made you worry.
- Well, you know what? It worked. I’m worried. You win. Sit down. Relax. Have a muffin.
- Jess, this has nothing to do with you.
- I’m doing this for that little girl back in Nebraska. “Low Board” Donaldson.
- Is that your cousin with one eyebrow?
- – That’s Celeste. – Oh oh oh.
- I’m Low Board.
- When I was ten, I went to the public swimming pool with all my friends and we decided that we would jump off the high diving board.
- Well, I climbed all the way to the top I took one look down and I chickened out.
- By the time I got back down to the bottom I had a new nickname. – “Low Board.” – Hmm.
- You know, I can relate to that actually. You won’t believe this, I got my nickname at a swimming pool, too.
- “Shallow End” Tanner.
- College sophomores can be so cruel.
- I’ll, uh.. I’ll be in the car.
- Beck, think about it, jumping off a diving board is not the same as jumping off a bridge.
- One makes a big splash, the other makes a big splat.
- Jess, this is just something I have to do.
- No, breathing is something you have to do. Eating is something you have to do.
- Refilling the cream dispenser is something you have to do.
- This is something that you don’t have to do.
- Honey, I’m gonna do it.
- And if you don’t understand why then you don’t understand me.
- I don’t understand it. Am I wrong here?
- – Yes. – Who asked you?
- Jess, now you know how Becky feels while she’s home worrying while you’re out doing your Motocross stuff.
- Why is she worried about me? I’m not worried about me.
- Jess, don’t you get it?
- Listen, you’re my best friend so I’m gonna tell you this from my heart, okay?
- She’s worried about you for the same reason you’re worried about her.
- You care more about her life than your own life.
- Because, let’s face it, buddy she makes your life worth living.
- Oh, Joseph, that was mature
- insightful, and very sensitive.
- Thank you.
- Okay. Now, cartoons.
- Well, I can’t believe I’m saying this but right after the news break
- Edna and I will be bungee jumping off this bridge.
- Yes, that’s right, they’re both gonna be helplessly plummeting hundreds of feet down, down, down, off this bridge
- toward rock-solid rock, only to be snapped from the jaws of death at the last possible second.
- Don’t go away.
- And we’re clear.
- Hey, Stilts, what is this horse hockey about the jaws of death?
- We have a perfect safety record!
- Oh, I’m sorry, Edna. It was for dramatic effect. It makes for great television.
- And a terrified co-host.
- You know.. I’m also the terrified producer of this show
- and I’m gonna make a teensy little change in this segment.
- Edna, you’re flying solo.
- Uh, excuse me, Ms. Producer.
- Remember, Edna jumped by herself on our show just last week.
- That’s no problem. I’ll, um..
- I’ll do it in my bikini!
- Well, I’m back to being “Low Board” Donaldson again.
- Oh. I’d rather be “Low Board” than..
- …”Gunk in a Gorge.”
- I’m going to get some Danish and some make-up and something else.
- See ya.
- Jess, honey, what are you doing here?
- Listen, Beck..
- I totally understand you now. Joey explained everything to me.
- Honey, you’re listening to a man who sleeps in “Power Ranger” pajamas.
- The reason I’m so worried is because I love you so much.
- In loving you so much I realized that you have the right to do anything you want.
- To live your life as full and rich as you want. I mean, if you wanna take a risk take a risk.
- I have no right to tell you not to.
- Yes, you do. You have every right.
- You’re an American.
- You have the right to free assembly. You have a right to an attorney if you choose to have one.
- And you have the right to stop me from making a horrible mistake.
- So, what you’re saying is you’re afraid?
- In a word, deathly.
- Listen, bottom line is, do you really want to do this?
- …yes.
- I would love to take a fearless leap and spread my wings and fly.
- And if I actually had wings, I would do it.
- Well, then it’s up to you.
- You can stay up here and be “Low Board” Donaldson forever
- or you can put all your fears behind you and you can experience the thrill of a lifetime.
- It does look exciting.
- If I had the opportunity, I wouldn’t turn it down.
- Okay, folks. We’re on the air in 20 seconds.
- – Off the set, please. – Alright. So?
- Are you gonna jump or do we we have to go with..
- Whoa! Edna’s in a thong! And she’s looking pretty hot.
- And we’re ready in 5, 4, 3, 2..
- Well, we’re back, San Francisco and there’s been a slight change of plans.
- Instead of me jumping with Edna
- we thought it would be a fun surprise if I were to share the thrill of a lifetime
- with my husband Jesse Katsopolis.
- What? Huh? What?
- Uh, Beck, I’m not sure the audience is ready
- for such a fun surprise at this hour in the morning.
- I mean, maybe they had a big breakfast–
- I think the audience is ready for a fun– – Sausage. – No. No sausage. I think they’re ready for a fun surprise. It is sweeps week.
- Just tighten him up nice and snug. Safe and snug.
- What-what are these things they’re putting?
- Beck, can’t we just work up to this thing? You know, like, jump off something small
- and then work our way up, like, like, like the curb.
- Camera, can you get this?
- Whoa! That’s far down there. And then we.. And then we go.
- Come on, honey, you were the one that said this was a thrill of a lifetime.
- Yeah, your lifetime. Not mine.
- Alright, you lovebirds. Over the railing and into the gorge.
- Ready, honey? Here we go.
- Honey, rubber bands snap on occasion.
- It’s a thrill.. …of a lifetime.
- You’re not afraid, are you?
- In a word, deathly.
- (Becky) ‘Oh, my God.’
- (Becky and Jess) Have mercy!
- (Becky) Wow! That was incredible.
- What a rush!
- Honey, are you okay?
- (Jesse) I don’t know.
- Yeah. I’ll tell you when my stomach gets here.
- Okay, yes. Good, I’m fine. I’m fine.
- (Becky) Oh, Jess..
- I love you so much! I’m so glad I did this!
- – Wanna do it again? – Do you?
- – Nah. – Nah.
- 国民の権利だわ
- 集会の自由も 弁護士を雇う権利も―
- 私の間違いを 止める権利もある
- 怖くなったわけ？
- 早い話 死ぬほど
- 大事なのは飛びたいか どうかだ
- そうね
- 翼を広げて 勇敢に飛びたいわ
- 翼があればね
- 君次第だ
- 一生 “低空”のままでいるか
- 勇敢に人生最大の スリルを味わうか
- 魅力はある
- 俺なら ぶちかます
- あと20秒 ジェシーは下がって
- あと20秒 ジェシーは下がって 結局 飛ぶの？ それとも…
- 結局 飛ぶの？ それとも…
- エドナがＴバックだ 過激だね
- いきます ５秒前 ４ ３ ２…
- お待たせ バンジーですが 予定変更です
- エドナと飛ぶ代わりに―
- サプライズ企画で この人生最大のスリルを―
- 夫と味わいます
- 何だって？
- 視聴者は サプライズを歓迎しないよ
- 視聴者は サプライズを歓迎しないよ 朝食の消化に悪い…
- 朝食の消化に悪い…
- いや 歓迎するさ 視聴率アップに貢献して
- しっかり止めてよ
- ちょっと これ何だよ
- 低い所から 徐々に飛んでいこう
- まずは この縁石から
- 撮ってて
- “ウワッ 高いな”とか言って 飛ぶんだ
- “ぶちかます”は？
- それは君のこと
- 仲よく谷底へどうぞ
- いいわね 行くわよ
- ゴムって時々 切れるよ
- 人生最大のスリルだわ
- 怖いの？
- 早い話 死ぬほど
- 高いわね
- たまんねえ
- すごい迫力
- 急降下ね
- 大丈夫？
- どうかな
- 胃が元に戻るまで待て
- よし 戻った 大丈夫だ
- ジェシー
- 愛してるわ やってよかった！
- またやる？ あなたは？
- やらない
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