- One of mine was broken. It didn’t count.
- Listen, Stephanie Judith.
- I’m listening, Donna Jo Margaret.
- Stop it.
- Be nice.
- Okay. You can have the cookie.
- No, it’s your cookie.
- My cookie.
- You know who she reminds me of?
- You.
- Here you go, Jesse.
- Thank you. Two gallons of milk.
- Alright. A can of tomato juice.
- Think fast.
- And, of course, the box boy’s own personal touch.. …bread on the bottom of the bag.
- Break out the root beer, boys. My report card is awesome.
- Three A’s, a B and a B minus.
- Wish I got grades like that. Stayed after school so often people thought I was the janitor.
- Steph, these are terrific grades.. …but your teacher wrote here
- “Stephanie is a wonderful student “but she needs to control her talking in class.”
- Dad, it’s not my fault. Kids are always asking me for help
- and who can blame them? Check out these grades.
- Steph, if you’re always talking during class you might miss out on something really important.
- Yeah. Like recess.
- Or, reading and-and writing and fundamental things.
- Steph, you have to stop being such a little chatterbox.
- So my own family thinks I’m a chatterbox?
- How rude!
- – Steph– – No, no, it’s fine.
- From now on this little chatterbox is all locked up.
- Dad, you’ve got to do something. Listen to my report card. It’s so unfair.
- A, A, A, A, A–
- How dare they! This is an outrage.
- You didn’t hear my Spanish grade. D.
- A D in Spanish.
- Que pasa?
- Senorita Mosley hates me. I don’t know why, but she just does.
- She loves me. I got a C.
- Hold it.
- You got a C in Spanish and D.J. got a D?
- Hey, man, I saw “La Bamba” five times.
- Six A’s and one D.
- Something’s wrong here. I think I’ll have a talk with your teacher.
- Thanks, dad. I knew I could count on you.
- You know, D.J., one day you’re gonna be very happy you can speak a second language. It always comes in handy.
- Well, excuse me, Mr. Berlitz!
- What other languages do you speak?
- Well, it just so happens that I speak several.
- [imitates Kermit the frog] I’m, uh, fluent in frog.
- [imitates Bullwinkle] Let’s see, I studied moose at Wossamotta U.
- [imitates Popeye] And, uh, I speaks just a smattering of sailor.
- Who is it?
- (Mr. Malatesta) ‘Stephanie, it’s Mr. Malatesta.’ (Mr. Malatesta) ‘Jesse and Joey’s boss.’
- Thanks.
- Uh, are the fellows in?
- Uh, where’s their office?
- Down through the kitchen and down the stairs.
- Just what we need in San Francisco.. …another mime!
- Peekaboo!
- Peekaboo!
- Peekaboo.
- – Peekaboo. – Peekaboo.
- – Peekaboo. – Peekaboo.
- I see you.
- I see you too.
- Joseph. Company. – Oh. – Mr. Malatesta.
- Now, I know why you fellas work at home.
- It’s so hard to get up a good game of peekaboo at the agency.
- I’ll go make some coffee.
- I’ll, uh, make my bed.
- Fellas we got big trouble on the Mr. Marshmallow account.
- We need a new slogan and we need it now.
- Peekaboo.
- Uh, not now, Michelle. We’re trying to work.
- Uh, you just sit here and, uh.. …enjoy these delicious marshmallows.
- Delicious! How about that?
- That’s been done.
- Yummy!
- “Yummy.” Now, there’s a great word, but it needs more.
- Michelle, what else you got?
- No, no, no, it needs, uh..
- …yummy in the tummy.
- Yummy in the tummy.
- – It works for her. – It works for me too.
- And I love it coming from a cute little baby.
- Yeah, okay, picture this, sir. Picture this.
- They get the baby, right? She’s floating on a cloud that looks like a marshmallow.
- We got the music, the wind–
- Great, now, we got to find the most adorable baby in San Francisco.
- Now, fellas, she is cute but don’t you think we should use a professional baby?
- (Jesse) Sir…this kid has got two years
- of experience playing a baby.
- Give him a kiss. Give him a kiss.
- Okay, kid, you got the job
- but you better be good.
- Don’t worby, be happy.
- And this is my Spanish class.
- Now, remember, dad, that D was totally unfair.
- Don’t worry, Deej. I’m on your side. I’ll get your grade straightened out.
- Hi, Steph, how’s it going?
- You think she’s carrying this “I’m not a chatterbox” thing too far?
- Personally, I find it a refreshing change of pace.
- Hey, Mr. Tanner, did you get D.J.’s grade changed yet?
- Did you yell at Senorita Mosley? Did you make her cry?
- He hasn’t gone in yet.
- Chicken?
- Kimmy, you’re doing so well in Spanish. You ever think of moving to Mexico.
- Come on, dad. Class is gonna start.
- Now, go in there, and show no mercy.
- Okay, don’t worry, Deej. I’m totally cool.
- Excuse me, uh, Senorita Mosley?
- Danny Tanner!
- I mean-I mean, Mr. Tanner.
- Oh, I love your talk show. I watch you all the time.
- You know, you’re taller than I thought you’d be.
- Yeah, well, on TV I’m only.. …this big.
- [laughs] Oh, you are so funny.
- You know, I loved the show you did last week where you learned how to make pizza dough.
- Really?
- You know, it’s harder than it looks.. …because first you got to pound the dough.
- Dad’s really giving it to her now.
- Or you could just pick up a phone and order one.
- Oh, you’re so witty. No wonder you’re such a big star.
- Oh, well, I wouldn’t call myself a big star..
- …but you just did. It’d be pretty silly for me to argue, huh?
- Well, it’s nice meeting you.
- (Linda) ‘Nice meeting you.’
- Oh, wait, um..
- …I came here to talk about D.J.’s grade. Why did she get a D?
- You know, she started out getting B’s and C’s
- but then as the work got harder she got discouraged and she simply stopped trying.
- Well, I was wondering. Do you think–
- Oh, look, I’m sorry. Class is starting.
- You know, I’d be happy to stop by after school and set up a study program to help D.J. catch up.
- Really?
- I’d appreciate that. Thank you.
- Oh, I’m here to help.
- Well, until later.
- Hasta luego.
- Uh, el pollo loco.
- So what’s my new grade? A, A+, A-?
- D.
- D?
- That’s the grade I had. I thought you were on my side.
- I am, D.J. Senorita Mosley thinks she can help you bring up that D.
- We’ll talk about this after school.
- Yummy in the tummy.
- That was good, Michelle, but next time try it with a little more energy, nice and loud.
- Yummy and the tummy!
- Joey, what are you doing? You’re turning my sweet, little Michelle into Sam Kinison.
- Come on, Michelle. Grab your wardrobe.
- We’re gonna make that Gerber baby wanna hang up her booties.
- And we’ll label the door la puerta.
- La puerta.
- See you later, Danny. Nice meeting you, Linda.
- El gusto es mio.
- Right back at you.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- Oh, good luck, Michelle.
- And when you’re a big star remember who changed your diapers all those years.
- – Me. – Me.
- Come on, let’s keep labeling. This is really a fun way for D.J. to help build her Spanish vocabulary.
- This is el sofa.
- The sofa is el sofa?
- How could she get a D in this language?
- Well, they’re not all that easy.
- Oh. “Perro.” That means two of, right?
- As in you have a lovely perro eyes.
- That’s very sweet of you, but no it means dog
- and it’s pronounced perro.
- The double R is very important in the Spanish language. It rolls.
- Come on. Try it with me.
- Perro.
- You need more lips. Now, watch my mouth.
- Perro.
- Pera-ro.
- Caramba!
- I’m sorry.
- Oh, no, no.
- Linda, wait a minute. Don’t-don’t be sor-r-r-ry.
- That felt nice.
- Whoa, baby!
- So that’s why you took her side.
- Thanks for sticking up for me dad.
- D.J. Something tells me we need to talk.
- There’s nothing to talk about. You kissed my teacher.
- You kissed Mr. Zambruski?
- No. I kissed Senorita Mosley.
- You kissed a teacher.
- Eww!
- Oops. There I go again. Chattering away.
- Silly me.
- I can’t believe you sold out your own daughter for a kiss.
- That’s not what happened.
- You said you were on my side.
- Let’s get a few things straight here.
- My kissing Senorita Mosley had nothing to do with you.
- Kissing her…was a mistake
- and it will never happen again.
- But that has nothing to do with your D in Spanish.
- Dad forget my grade.
- You kissed my teacher.. …and all my friends saw it.
- Look.. …parents make mistakes too.
- I don’t know what else to say.
- You’re just gonna have to accept my apology.
- Fine. Apology accepted.
- Excuse me.
- That went well.
- Alright, uh, the lighting is a little harsh. Can you turn it down, please? You’re starting to toast my marshmallows.
- Thank you very much. You’re a nice kid.
- Don’t change. Alright, let me see.
- Yeah!
- Look at our son.
- Such a big shot now.
- Seems like just yesterday I diapered this little…tushy.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Mother, please, with my tushy? I have to work with these people, huh?
- What are you guys doing here?
- Oh, you asked us to pick up Michelle.
- Yes, at six o’clock.
- It’s only four, mother.
- Are we early?
- Irene, you have a camera around your neck. You’re not fooling anybody.
- Okay, okay. We came to see Michelle.
- Where is our little superstar?
- Step aside please. Make way for Miss Tanner.
- Hey, babe.
- “Hey, babe.” I told you you’d get a laugh with that.
- No please, no autographs. Miss Tanner can’t write.
- Look at this little cutie pie. She’s like..
- Irene, who’s that redhead I like on “Gilligan’s Island?”
- Not Mary Ann. The movie star.
- – Tina Louise. – That’s right.
- She’s a teeny-tiny Tina.
- – And look at that little tushy. – No mo-whoa, whoa!
- Mother, do you have to grab everyone’s tushy?
- Here we go little angel. Okay, now, what you do
- you sit up here on the marshmallow..
- Ma!
- Okay, okay.
- Stand by everyone.
- – ‘Stand by, everyone.’ – We’re almost ready.
- – Okay, ready. – To make marshmallow magic.
- That’s it. Marshmallow magic.
- Okay, Michelle, let’s show Mr. Malatesta just how we practiced it.
- No more.
- This is just how she warms up.
- That’s right. She-she throws one first. Meryl Streep, same technique.
- Okay, Michelle, remember, “Yummy in the tummy.”
- Yucky.
- It sounded like she said “Yucky.”
- Tummy full.
- Uh, well, see, what’s happened, sir is she’s rehearsed all day. She went through a whole bag of these.
- Oh, hey. I understand. It happens.
- Dump the baby.
- See if you can get me that baby from the dog food commercial.
- Sir, let her digest.
- Is this guy crazy? This is the next Tina Louise.
- Nicky, let me talk to him. I can be nice.
- Mother, that’s my boss. Don’t touch his tushy.
- Oh, Michelle, you were terrific.
- We just let you eat too many marshmallows.
- Now, don’t take this personally. You’re fired.
- – You’re fired. – No, you’re fired.
- Give me a kiss.
- – You’re still fired. – You’re still fired.
- Come on, Steph. We made your all time favorite lunch.
- Peanut butter, jelly and banana.
- Joey, we got to get that kid to talk. I have no idea what’s going on in the first grade.
- Come on, D.J., you’re gonna be late for school.
- Oh, I don’t wanna go to school. I feel sick.
- D.J., you’re not sick.
- You’re worried that the kids are gonna tease you about your dad kissing your teacher, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, I’ll tell you the perfect way to handle this.
- What you do is you go in and you tell a bunch of jokes about your dad kissing your teacher.
- That way, it’s no fun to tease you
- ‘cause you beat ‘em to the punch line.
- But I don’t know any jokes.
- I’ll help you write ‘em.
- You know, when I was in sixth grade.. …I had a face full of zits.
- – Nobody teased me. – Why not?
- Beat up the first guy who said somethin’.
- Yeah, actually it might be best to go with Joey’s plan in this case.
- Linda, it’s not that I’m not attracted to you.
- I just think it’s inappropriate for us to date while you’re D.J.’s teacher.
- You’re right. Why did I kiss you?
- How could I do such a horrible thing?
- I just said it was inappropriate. I didn’t think it was repulsive.
- I meant I shouldn’t be involved with a student’s parent.
- And I don’t wanna put D.J. in an awkward position.
- But you know I’ll only be her teacher for three more months.
- We’ll have dinner the day she graduates.
- [laughs] You’re on.
- I better slip out the back door.
- Oh, Danny, Danny, that’s the..
- …closet.
- Buenos dias, estudiantes.
- Ah, let’s not get settled yet.
- You know, we’re gonna take a field trip to the cafeteria
- to learn the Spanish words for knife, fork and mystery meat.
- Clase, por favor.
- Uh, that’s okay, Senorita Mosley.
- “Ooh.” That’s the best you can do?
- You guys need some help. Uh, how about this?
- – Knock, knock. – Who’s there?
- – Deej. – Deej, who?
- Did you see my father kiss the teacher?
- – D.J.– – Oh, no. You’ll love this one.
- Why does my father wear “I love Senorita Mosley” suspenders?
- To keep my grades up.
- Okay, clase, vamos a la cafeteria.
- Oh, hi, Deej.
- What did I ever do to you?
- Class, this isn’t what you think.
- That’s right.
- Well, guys, I’m sure you’ve all seen my TV show every day.
- We’re doing a special on great closets in San Francisco.
- When will that closet special be on, Mr. Tanner?
- I’ll let you know, Kimmy.
- Thanks for asking.
- Amazing. That guy looks just like my dad.
- Dad, why did you hide in the closet? That’s the first place everyone looks.
- I wasn’t hiding. I was trying to leave.
- D.J., do you remember that speech I gave you
- about parents making mistakes.
- You want to hear it again?
- Look, I just want you to know that I’m not gonna see Linda while she’s your teacher.
- And I’m really sorry, again
- that I embarrassed you…again.
- But I think we should talk about what started this whole mess.
- That you wouldn’t get my grade changed.
- You know you deserved that D.
- [sighs] Alright.
- Maybe I just sort of gave up.
- But let’s face it. I’m no good in Spanish.
- Hold it, Deej. Come here.
- Look..
- …honey, I understand it’s frustrating.
- So many things come so easily to you.. …but not everything will.
- And if you give up on something just ‘cause it’s difficult.. …you’re gonna miss out on a lot that’s valuable.
- There’s no better feeling.. …than conquering something that’s really hard for you.
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
- But what if I work as hard as I can and I still can’t get an A?
- Then I’ll be proud of you for working as hard as you can.
- Okay, I’ll try.
- Thanks.
- That’s gracias.
- You’re a padre muy bueno.
- That means you’re a great dad.
- Come on, Steph. I can’t take the silence.
- Please, I miss the old chatterbox.
- Let’s hear a little chatter.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, are you guys sure?
- We wanna hear everything that happened today.
- I think I’ll go do my Spanish homework.
- Okay, boys, have a seat.
- Okay, this morning Mr. Gibbler ran his car over a garbage can then got TV dinner trays all over the street.
- You don’t say.
- I do say.
- Then I saw a dog that looked just like a lion. I thought it was a lion
- but then Mrs. Norton came out and hit it on the head with a newspaper and then it barked.
- So I was pretty sure it was a dog.
- Really?
- Would I make that up?
- And did you hear what happened to Virginia Gauding?
- She got $5 from the tooth fairy. Must’ve been a big tooth.
- Are my teeth too small or do I have a cheap tooth fairy?
- 食器や安いお肉の スペイン語を覚えるの
- やめなさい
- いいんです 先生
- からかい方が下手ね
- このくらい言わなきゃ
- トントン どなた？
- ＤＪ ＤＪって？
- 先生にキスした親の娘
- ＤＪ こんなのもある
- パパは先生に つりバンドを贈りました
- 私の点をつり上げるため
- さあ 食堂に行くわよ
- おはよう ＤＪ
- 私に恨みでもある？
- 違うの 誤解しないで
- そうだよ
- 僕の番組 見てくれてるよね
- クローゼットの特集を 組むことになったんだ
- それ いつ放送するの？
- あとで教える
- 質問ありがとう
- 驚いた 今の人 パパそっくり
- 何でクローゼットに 隠れてたの？
- 出て行くはずだった
- ＤＪ “親も間違う”って話 覚えてる？
- “親も間違う”って話 覚えてる？
- もっと聞く？
- お前が教わっている間は 先生とは会わない
- もう１度 謝る
- 今日は本当にごめん
- こうなった原因は 何だと思う？
- 成績を変えなかったこと
- お前の成績はＤなんだ
- そうだね
- 勉強やめたからだ
- スペイン語は難しくて
- ＤＪ 待ちなさい
- いいか
- 悔しかったんだよな
- どんなに優秀な子にも 弱い科目はある
- でも あきらめたら 大事なことを見逃してしまう
- 難しいものを乗り越えるって 最高だぞ
- 分かる？
- うん
- でも頑張っても Ａが取れなかったら？
- 努力したお前を誇りに思う
- やってみるよ
- ありがと
- グラシアス
- パードレ･ムイ･ブエノ
- “最高のパパ”
- 頼むよ ダンマリは弱いんだ
- おしゃべりしてくれよ
- 何でもいいから
- 本当にいいの？
- 後悔するよ
- 今日あったことを話して
- スペイン語の宿題しなきゃ
- じゃ 座って
- 今朝 キミーのパパが 車でゴミ箱を倒したんだよ
- ウソつけ
- ホントだよ
- ライオンにそっくりの犬 見ちゃった
- ノートンさんが たたいたら ほえたから―
- 犬だって分かった
- 本当に？
- 作り話だと思う？
- バージニアはね―
- 歯の妖精から ５ドルもらったの
- 私の歯は いくらになる？
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