- No way, Jose.
- [laughs] Oh, yeah? Well, watch this.
- Cool flower.
- I don’t think he’s dancing.
- Hey, you, wake up.
- I think maybe that one’s a wallflower.
- Dance. Go crazy.
- You got it, dude.
- Kimmy, no way. With Tommy Fox?
- On the cheek or on the lips?
- On the lips?
- No way. No way.
- A person is waiting for the phone.
- Tell me again. Where did he kiss her?
- On the lips. Don’t you listen?
- Deej, lemme know when you’re off, honey.
- – I need to use the phone. – Dad, no cutsies. I’ve been waiting 20 minutes.
- Get in line.
- Deej, let’s go, I gotta use the phone.
- Hey, no cutsies. Get in line.
- They kissed for 12 seconds?
- Were their eyes open or closed?
- Hey, Danny, I gotta line up a place for our Friday night poker game. My poker buddy, Vic came down with food poisoning.
- You know, it’s a good lesson for all of us. Never buy sushi from a vending machine.
- You know it’s no problem. Why don’t you play here? I’ll take Vic’s place.
- You wanna have a poker game here in your palace of cleanliness?
- Hey, Joey, I don’t always have to be neat.
- Watch this.
- Danny, you pig.
- Their braces got stuck together? Ouch!
- D.J., I’m not getting any younger.
- Kimmy, hold on, let me switch phones.
- I know, Stephanie’s a major pain.
- Dad, will you hang this up, uh, when I get to my room?
- Okay, but let’s wrap this up.
- This is the major pain speaking.
- How rude!
- [laughs] Oh, honey, I had a wonderful afternoon.
- I loved our little picnic in the park.
- Ah, sweets, every day is a picnic with you.
- Oh, honey, you’re so romantic.
- Hey, with you, how could I help but be romantic?
- Please, I’m getting a cavity.
- Joseph, get used to it, man. It’s our new thing.
- We just had our one year anniversary of the day we met and we promised each other no more fighting.
- – Right, hon? – Right, baby.
- From now on, we’re gonna work everything out with good communication and understanding.
- – Right. – For instance.. …I suggested we make Christmas special by spending it in Nebraska with my relatives.
- To which I sweetly replied Babe, let’s spend it in Graceland with Elvis’ relatives.
- [Becky giggles] Oh! See? Now, in the old days, potential crisis.
- – Right. – But now..
- …solving this problem will only bring us closer together.
- Aw, honey.
- Whoa, baby!
- D.J., heavy lip action in your living room.
- Kimmy, are you talking to D.J. upstairs?
- Please, Mr. Tanner, this is a private conversation.
- We gotta remember to keep this front door locked.
- D.J., this is beyond incredible. Did you see this in person?
- No, but I saw the person, who saw it in person say it to another person.
- Girls, this has gotten way out of line.
- Dad, I’m talking to Kimmy on the phone.
- In the same room.
- Everybody hang up right now, okay?
- [sighs] Kimmy, I can’t talk to you right now but I’ll call you back later.
- D.J., there are five other people living in this house. You can’t monopolize the phone like this.
- Dad, I have the perfect solution. I should have my own private phone number.
- I’ve had my own phone for six months, Mr. T.
- Don’t call me Mr. T.
- D.J., a phone costs a lot of money. There’s installation charges, there’s a monthly bill–
- Actually to convert the extension phone
- in this room to a separate line, there’s only a one-time cost of $45.
- After that, a very reasonable monthly cost of $16.50. Not including state and local taxes.
- Go, Kimmy, go!
- Plus nominal fees for call forwarding and call waiting.
- I wish you had friend waiting.
- D.J., I’m not just giving you your own phone.
- Well, I’ll pay for it. I can babysit like Kimmy does.
- Well, okay, if you can earn enough money
- to pay for the phone yourself I’ll consider letting you have one, okay?
- She can take my job on Friday, babysitting Brian Kagan.
- Great! Dad, what would we do without Kimmy?
- One can only dream.
- Oh, Steph, D.J.’s babysitting tonight so you’re in charge of putting Michelle to sleep.
- Okay, Michelle. It’s time to put on your pajamas and go to bed.
- I’m not sleepy. See?
- I have an idea. Let’s go upstairs and play Sleeping Beauty.
- How do you play that?
- Well, uh, you go to sleep, and that’s the beauty of it.
- I’m staying here.
- If you go to sleep, I’ll give you a cookie.
- I already have one.
- I’m coming in after you.
- (Stephanie) ‘Michelle, get back here.’ ‘I don’t have time to play games.’
- That’s it. You’re going to bed, young lady.
- Bye-bye, Joey. Bye-bye.
- Alright, let’s play poker!
- Whoa, Danny, pretty soon you’re gonna be drinking straight out of the milk carton.
- Joey, I’m a slob, not a barbarian.
- Danny, these are my poker buddies. This is Steve and Paul.
- – Hey. – How you doing?
- My friends call me “Dirty Dan.”
- Say, Dirt..
- …where did you get those clothes from?
- From the hamper.
- Mm…good dip.
- Maybe later you’d like a handful of ice cream.
- Want a cigarette, speak up.
- These won’t last long.
- Ooh! Chain smoker. Radical.
- Alright, fellas, let’s play a little Five-Card Nebraska, Becky’s wild.
- Play what?
- I’m sorry, fellas. I’m having a problem with my girlfriend.
- She wants us to spend Christmas in Nebraska.
- So tell her you don’t wanna go.
- Oh, Jesse can’t do that.
- You see, he and Becky work things out with open and honest communication.
- You guys should see it. It really is cute.
- You’re in a lot of trouble, buddy.
- Why?
- Tell her how you feel, openly and honestly?
- – Yeah. – Do you get your way?
- – No. – Pack your long johns, pal.
- You’re going to Nebraska.
- Not going to Nebraska, alright. I went to Nebraska for Thanksgiving. This time she’s gonna do what I wanna do, alright?
- Hey, don’t tell us, tell her.
- I’ll tell her. I-I’ll tell her. I’ll just call her later.
- Call now.
- (all) Call now. Call now.
- Yeah, Becky. Listen, it’s me.
- I’ve made a decision we’re going to Graceland this Christmas. End of discussion. Case closed.
- And another thing. Call me when you get this message.
- Alright, boys! Let’s play a little poker!
- Now, D.J., we like Brian to go to bed by nine but sometimes his inner clock says ten
- so just go with his natural flow.
- So he goes to bed whenever he wants?
- That’s the rule.
- Emergency numbers are posted on the Sub-Zero.
- If our stockbroker calls tell him he can fax the information directly to our BMW.
- Brian, come say hello to D.J.
- Hi, D.J. We’re going to have a lot of fun tonight.
- That’s what I’m here for.
- – Bye, Brian. – Night, Bri.
- Bye, have fun at your costume party.
- [chuckles] We’re going to a Grateful Dead concert.
- Stay mellow.
- – Hi, Brian. – Hi, D.J.
- I hear it’s your first time babysitting.
- No, that’s not true. I babysit Michelle all the time.
- Well, this will be different.
- Brian, let’s be friends, alright?
- Give me half the money you’re making off me and maybe I’ll be your friend.
- Not a prayer. I’m saving up for my own phone.
- So, uh, would you like to play a nice, quiet game
- or would you like to go straight to sleep?
- I’m a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
- And you are the evil Lord Krang from Dimension X!
- Now, kneel before me or I’ll ninjutsu you!
- – I’m not kneeling before you. – Wanna bet?
- Do what I say or I’ll smash this and say you did it.
- – You wouldn’t dare. – Oh, no?
- Lucky catch, Lord Krang.
- This means war!
- Give me my purse back.
- Come here, you little mutant.
- – Freeze! – Brian!
- Do what I say, or your purse goes into the fish-tank.
- Forget it, Brian. I am not shaving my head.
- Who’s that?
- I hope it’s the police.
- – Who is it? – ‘It’s me.’
- Hi, Deej. How’s it going?
- Oh, no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
- He’s got my purse. What do I do?
- Watch this.
- Alright, chump. Drop the purse right now or I’m gonna kiss you.
- It’s not very flattering, but it works.
- You haven’t seen the last of me.
- Kimmy, why didn’t you tell me this kid was a baby Godzilla?
- Relax, come on, I’ll show you where they hide the imported chocolates.
- Prepare to die, slime burgers!
- [sighs] Okay, that is it. I am through with playing games.
- You’ll never catch me!
- Hey! Hey, I’m stuck. I can’t get out.
- Help!
- Kimmy, he’s really stuck.
- Great. Let’s go watch TV.
- Brian, stay calm. Kimmy, keep an eye on him.
- I’ll be right back.
- Hey, Brian wanna smell my feet?
- Kimmy, it won’t help if he passes out.
- – Help me! – Good news, Brian.
- You’ll be able to slide right out of there as soon as we butter your head.
- This will never work. You’re dumb girls.
- I think we better butter his whole head.
- Yuck! This is disgusting!
- (D.J.) Okay, Brian.
- Now try to slide out nice and easy. But be careful.
- It’s not working.
- Get me out of here!
- – I’d better go call my dad. – Don’t do that.
- If you admit to your dad that you can’t handle this job then you’re never gonna get your own phone.
- [sighs] But I don’t know what else to do.
- Brian, I’m gonna go get my dad’s chainsaw.
- Help!
- My cigarette bothering you?
- Oh, no, it’s a poker game. Your eyes are supposed to sting.
- It’s my last cigarette of the evening.
- What a shame.
- Oh, here’s a refreshing new smell.
- Hi, boys. What’s happening?
- Hey, Michelle, how you doing?
- Dad, she won’t listen to me.
- Watch. Michelle, go to bed.
- Hey, Michelle, it’s time to go night-night. We’re all going sleepy. Right fellas? Come on.
- Fellas, sleepy.
- See? Everybody’s sleeping.
- Where are their pajamas?
- Under their clothes. Come on, let’s go.
- Alright, boys, coast is clear. Everybody up.
- Joey. Joey!
- Oh, I-I’m sorry. I dreamt I actually won a hand.
- I got it.
- [laughs] Alright, guys, a little Five-Card Draw. Ante up, here.
- Hey, who took my chips?
- Everybody took your chips.
- Yeah, D.J. Yeah, I’ll be right there.
- Guys, I gotta go, my daughter’s having some babysitting problems.
- Hey, could you pick me up a pouch of pipe tobacco?
- Jess, I’ve been a pretty regular guy tonight, wouldn’t you say?
- Yes, actually, I’m quite proud of you.
- In that case, there’s something I’d like to say before I go.
- You, sir, are a chimney.
- Not only are you ruining your own health you are ruining the health of innocent people all around you.
- And you, sir. You should take a drive through a car wash without your car.
- It was nice meeting you both.
- Hello, Jess.
- Hi, pumpkin.
- What are you doing here?
- I got your sweet little message.
- Oh, and you must be the macho idiots I heard cheering in the background.
- Gee, where did the time go?
- Thanks for the game.
- – Ah, have fun in Nebraska. – Get out.
- If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the living room looking for change in the sofa, ha ha ha.
- Toodles.
- How dare you leave me a message like that?
- Whatever happened to communication and understanding?
- I’ve been trying to communicate to you that I wanna go to Graceland for Christmas but you’re just not understanding.
- Well, I will never understand why you wanna spend our holiday standing in line to see a collection of oversized sequined jumpsuits.
- Your beef’s with me, not the King.
- Alright, we have to figure this out.
- Alright, we’ve got this whole poker motif set up here why don’t we, uh, solve our little problem with a little game of poker.
- You, uh.. …do know how to play, don’t you?
- I think I remember.
- Okay, the name of the game is Five-Card Stud. Nothing wild, nothing cute. Just down and dirty poker.
- Want a cigar?
- One down for you, one down for me.
- – Let’s go. Seven. – Nine.
- – Queen, high. – Seven.
- Pair of sevens!
- Looks like it’s gonna be a blue, blue, Christmas, baby.
- – Ah, Queen, no help. – Nine, still looking fine.
- Ha! Pair of sevens.
- – We are tied, baby. – Hoo!
- So it’s all down to the last card now, isn’t it?
- Wait a minute. This is, this is silly.
- I mean, no matter what these cards say there’s gonna be no winner.
- And I don’t wanna take a grumpy person to Graceland. It’s the happiest place on Earth.
- Yeah, and I don’t want any bad attitude on that Christmas hayride.
- Alright, alright. We got a new thing going here. Let’s make a little compromise.
- I’ll go to Nebraska with you for Christmas
- if you go to Graceland for the Hunka, Hunka New Year’s Eve Fried Chicken Festival with me.
- – Okay, it’s a deal. – Alright.
- You must have had a pretty bad card, huh?
- – Yeah, a three. – Hooh!
- – Almost as bad as my two. – I would have won!
- Brian, sticking your head through these railings was a very dangerous thing to do.
- I’m gonna have you out in a minute, okay. So, don’t move.
- Where am I going?
- I’m sorry, Dad. I really blew it.
- I guess I’m not ready for babysitting or my own phone or anything.
- It just so happens I’m very proud of you.
- – You are? – You are?
- Yeah.
- D.J., sometimes when you’ve been in trouble before
- you’ve tried to handle the situation yourself and you ended up making things worse.
- But tonight, you showed good judgment and you asked for help right away.
- That’s exactly what a good babysitter would do.
- Thanks, Dad.
- Yoo-hoo. Remember me?
- Sorry.
- Guess you’re wondering what’s going on here, huh?
- Well, your son stuck his head into the railings here.
- But, hey, I’m gonna have him out in just a second, everything’s fine.
- And you’re probably curious about the butter.
- Well, you had to be there.
- Okay, there we go.
- I’m free.
- – Brian, you alright? – Yes, Dad.
- D.J.’s my favorite babysitter.
- We’ll talk about this later. Now, go get some bread and wipe off your head.
- Sorry about all the trouble, D.J.
- But we’d like to have you back Saturday at 7:00 if you’re available.
- Well, I don’t know. I-I need the money for my phone but..
- – We’ll double your salary. – We’ll double your salary.
- Great. See you Saturday, 7:00 sharp.
- – Hello? – ‘Hello.’
- Dad, where are you?
- I’m right here, Deej.
- How can you be calling me on the same line?
- Maybe because I just called you on your very own phone number.
- Ah! Oh, I got a phone! I got a phone! Oh, thank you, Dad. You’re the greatest.
- What’s my new number?
- 555-8722.
- How do you know my number?
- Dad told me this morning. I kept it a secret all day. I’m exhausted.
- Now, remember, our deal, You can have the phone as long as you can pay for it.
- But I don’t want this babysitting to take away from your school work.
- No problem.
- Ah, your own phone.
- My little girl is growin’ up.
- You know one day that phone’s gonna ring. It’s gonna be a boy calling.
- With any luck, it will be a dentist boy or a doctor boy.
- Then one day, that boy’s gonna come to me
- and he’s gonna say, “Mr. Tanner, sir “you have the most beautiful, most wonderful daughter “in the whole world.
- You must be one heck of a dad.”
- Dad, sometimes you’re so corny, but you are one heck of a dad.
- My first phone call!
- But who has my number?
- – It’s for you. – Thank you.
- I thought you kept my number a secret.
- I did. From you.
- Hello? Hi, Walter.
- Yeah, you can reach me here, day or night.
- So how did school go today?
- うん ＤＪは 最高のベビーシッターだよ
- 話はあとよ 早くパンで頭をふきなさい
- 面倒をかけたけど―
- よければ 土曜の７時に また来てくれるかな
- どうしよう 電話代は稼ぎたいけど…
- ２倍 払うから
- 土曜の７時ですね？
- もしもし
- パパ どこ？
- ここだよ
- 同じ回線で かかるの？
- いや お前専用の 電話番号にかけたんだ
- 私専用の電話！ やっぱりパパは最高よ
- 新しい番号は？
- 555－87XX
- 何で知ってるの？
- 今朝 パパに聞いたの 秘密にしてたら疲れたわ
- 電話代は自分で払うこと
- バイトと学業は両立だぞ
- 分かってる
- 専用の電話か
- 成長したんだな
- いずれ 男の子から電話がくる
- 医者の息子だといいな
- その子が僕に言うんだ
- “タナーさん 世界一 すばらしい娘さんですね”
- “親父さんも最高だ”
- 古くさい時もあるけど 本当に最高の親父さんよ
- 初の電話だ
- 誰かに言った？
- あんたに どうも
- 番号は秘密だったよね？
- お姉ちゃんにはね
- ウォルター
- もちろん いつでもかけて
- 学校 どうだった？
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