- Now, where did I put that other shoe?
- Hi, Mr. Woodchuck.
- I wish you were real.
- [as Mr. Woodchuck] I am real.
- Who said that?
- (Joey as Mr. Woodchuck) ‘I did.’
- You can’t talk without Joey.
- [as Mr. Woodchuck] Did you ever think he can’t talk without me?
- Hello, Joe.
- [as Mr. Woodchuck] Pay no attention to that man under the bed.
- – Joey, you’re busted. – Okay.
- So it wasn’t Mr. Woodchuck talking, it was actually me.
- Duh!
- Duh!
- ♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
- Alright, now, remember, cow kids. The very important code of the West..
- Always keep your saddles dry now, you hear?
- Hey, I’ve got an idea.
- Let’s get all dressed up and I’ll take an official family portrait.
- Oh, no, no, no. I hated that when I was a kid.
- I’m not gonna put Nicky and Alex through that kinda torture.
- Oh, come on, honey. I saw your family portrait.
- You and your father looked adorable in those dad-and-lad leisure suits.
- We looked like father-and-son hot tub salesmen.
- Come on, Jess.
- Oh, alright, but-but I want my kids to look cool.
- Oh, of course they’ll look cool.
- Now, where are those lavender sailor suits?
- [sighs] Hey, Jess.
- Hey, how did it go? Did, uh, D.J. get her learner’s permit?
- – It was a nightmare. – She flunked?
- – Worse. – I passed.
- Alright, Deej.
- I failed. I don’t get it.
- I copied everyone of D.J.’s answers and I still flunked the test.
- Kimmy, they give everyone different test so no one can cheat.
- – They do? – Uh-huh.
- That’s what’s wrong with the world today. No one trusts anyone.
- – Bye. – Bye.
- Okay, dad, let me have the keys.
- D.J., you just have your learner’s permit.
- You can’t drive a car unless there’s a licensed adult in the front seat with ya.
- Fine, you can have shotgun. Let’s roll.
- Look, uh, I’m just not sure you’re ready yet, you know?
- Dad, I took driver’s ed. I passed the written test, and I’m 15.
- The state of California says I’m ready to drive.
- Yeah, but the state of California doesn’t have to sit in the front seat with ya.
- – Dad, come on. – Yeah, dad, come on.
- I’m sure when you were 15, you were just dying to get behind the wheel of your mom’s Pacer.
- Not me. I was perfectly happy taking the bus.
- And my dates were very impressed with the extra leg room.
- Dad, this is really cruel. Please don’t make me beg.
- Alright.
- Thanks, dad. You’re the greatest. Let’s go!
- Okay. Just let me shower, shave, and.. …you know, paint the house.
- – Dad. – Danny.
- Okay, okay. Boy, everybody’s so uptight around here.
- I wrote a song about a duck and a pig.
- ♪ Oh Mr. Duck ♪ ♪ Oh Mr. Pig ♪
- ♪ Quack quack quack quack ♪ ♪ Oink oink oink oink quack quack.. ♪
- Michelle, will you please leave us alone?
- Rita and I are busy telling fortunes, okay?
- Tell mine. Tell mine.
- Okay. In the very near future, you’ll be singing a song
- about a duck and a pig out in the hall.
- – That was easy. – Too easy. She’ll be back.
- – I’m back. – Michelle!
- I didn’t finish my song.
- Where was I? Oh, yeah.
- ♪ Quack quack quack quack ♪ ♪ Oink oink oink oink ♪
- That’s enough!
- If you don’t get out right now..
- …I’m gonna call the hairy, scary monster.
- Oh, puh-lease!
- All I have to do is say his name three times.
- Oh, hairy, scary monster!
- That’s one.
- Is he nice like the Cookie Monster?
- Are you kidding? He scares the Cookie Monster.
- Because he’s the hairy, scary monster.
- That’s two.
- Uh-oh. Next come three.
- It sure does.
- Hairy, scary–
- Don’t say it!
- ‘Joey, help!’
- Joey, help!
- Michelle, what is it?
- He’s coming!
- Michelle, would you take it easy? Who’s coming?
- Stephanie said there’s a hairy, scary monster.
- Oh, no, I said it.
- Michelle, there’s no such thing as a hairy, scary monster.
- That’s two. One more time, and he comes.
- Okay, Michelle, you gotta trust me on this one.
- I’m gonna say it one more time and you’ll see that nothing’s gonna happen.
- Wait!
- Okay. Go ahead.
- Okay. Hairy, scary monster.
- It’s okay. You can look now.
- See? There’s no monster.
- What a rip-off!
- Now, Michelle, when Stephanie was telling you
- about this hairy, scary monster, were you buggin’ her?
- It’s…possible.
- Well, I think Stephanie just played a little joke on ya just to get rid of you, so..
- …don’t you think should forgive and forget?
- What are you? Nuts? I’m getting them back.
- What was I thinking?
- (Danny) ‘Look how smoothly I’m driving it.’ – Do you notice? – Yeah.
- – Notice my braking? – Mm-hm.
- I even filled the car with gas for ya, honey. There’s nobody better to teach you than your old dad.
- Alright.
- Okay, dad. Hand over the keys.
- Uh-uh-uh. First let’s go over a few small details.
- – Dad, the keys. – Uh-uh-uh-uh.
- Now, this is an automobile, Deej.
- Hood, headlights, bumper, bugs.
- Keys.
- Okay.
- – Dad. – I’m sorry.
- – Yes! – ‘Okay.’ ‘Be careful opening the door.’
- – Okay, seat belts on. – Very good.
- Can I be any more responsible?
- Okay, and the car on.
- [engine cranking] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Aren’t you forgetting something?
- Oh, yeah. Radio on.
- Oh, dad.
- Oh, Deej!
- Dad, I have to learn to drive with music like a normal person.
- I don’t want you driving like a normal person. I want you driving like me.
- You just follow my instructions completely now, okay? First, adjust the mirrors.
- Very good. Now, Deej, listen to me.
- Get your radar out, okay?
- Examine the big picture. Check for traffic, pedestrians, stray cattle–
- Dad, we’re in an empty parking lot.
- Are you gonna question every instruction I give you?
- Sorry.
- No cattle.
- Very good. Now secure the litter bag.
- This is unbelievable!
- Litter bag secure, sir. Anything else?
- No, I guess that about covers it.
- Why don’t we just, uh, pack it in for today and let it all sink in?
- What? I didn’t even get to drive.
- Okay, I guess we can move on to lesson number two.
- Okay, now.. ….with your hands holding the wheel firmly at 10:00 and 2:00..
- ‘That’s 11:00 and 1:00, 10:00 and 2:00.’
- ‘Okay, put your foot on the brake’
- ‘and carefully put the car into drive.’
- Okay now, slowly and gently, take your foot off of the brake
- and put it on to the accelerator pressing ever so lightly.
- [shouting] Ever so lightly! Put it in park! Put it in park!
- Ugh, dad, you’re making me so tense.
- Tense is good. It will keep you alert.
- Okay, okay, okay, I-I’m sorry. Let’s just start over again.
- Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
- ‘Foot on the brake.’ ‘Put the car into drive.’
- This time, keep your foot off of the gas pedal.
- Let’s just master the fine art of riding the brake, okay?
- Oh, this is nice.
- There’s no need to be a speed demon.
- Dad, I think a snail just passed us.
- Wait, stop! Stop!
- Ugh, now what?
- You’re heading straight for that tree. Don’t you see it?
- You can’t mean that tree on the other end of the lot? Dad, I’m nowhere near it.
- I didn’t say you were near it. I asked if you saw it.
- D.J., you are never gonna learn to drive if you don’t listen to me.
- Well, I’m never gonna learn because you don’t want me to learn.
- Oh, okay. Okay, that’s it. You are way too emotional to be in the driver’s seat.
- Switch places. Out of the car.
- – Fine. – Fine.
- – Fine. Fine. – Fine.
- – Fine. – Fine.
- – Fine. – Pfft.
- What are you doing back there?
- Well, I’m really not in the mood to sit next to you.
- You don’t trust me. You don’t want me to drive.
- You don’t wanna help me, so please just leave me alone.
- This went well.
- Okay, Jess, all ready. Bring in the boys.
- Cheese!
- What have you done to my babies?
- I took ‘em down to the Harley shop. They opened a new department, Tykes On Bikes.
- [chuckles] What’s that on your heads?
- Do-rags. Nice touch, huh?
- – Do-rags? – Mm-hm.
- Well, my mother’s gonna love this picture.
- Honey, I don’t want everyone knowing my kids are baldies.
- Sweetheart, lots of babies are bald.
- Not me, when I was born, the doctor smacked my butt and gave me a blow dryer.
- That figures.
- Well, you know, I have to admit.
- ‘You guys do look awfully cute.’
- Okay, smile.
- Come here, pumpkin pie.
- Alright, Nicky, give me that Elvis lip.
- [sighing] Sorry, mom.
- – How did the driving lesson go? – Ask him.
- She’s got a serious attitude problem.
- Me? He was screaming at me like a maniac.
- Excuse me, but that’s a natural reaction when somebody’s hot-rodding.
- I better go take care of this.
- Okay, fellas. Now that he’s gone, what do you say we play a game?
- Hide the do-rags.
- Let me tell you something, police officers have pulled me over just to compliment my driving.
- I bet they were on foot.
- Alright, Danny, lighten up now. You know, teaching someone to drive, that should be fun thing.
- – You really think so? – Absolutely.
- Oh, thanks, Uncle Jesse. This is gonna be so fun.
- Me? I-I-I, you want me to teach you to drive?
- Yeah. Who better?
- You know everything about cars. You’re the road warrior.
- Yeah. Guess I am, huh?
- Well, it’s fine with me if it’s okay with your dad.
- – Uh, is it okay, dad? – I don’t know, Deej.
- You, you really wanna learn to drive
- from a guy who’s dressed like a pirate?
- It’s a do-rag. It’s gone, okay?
- Now, you can trust me. I’m a father now.
- But, you know, if you wanna take her out again yourself–
- No, no, no, no. I-I-I trust you. I trust you.
- Oh, thanks, dad.
- You just be very, very careful, okay?
- Alright. Now, Deej, what have you learned so far?
- Uh, how to secure the litter bag and check for cattle.
- Oh, good, well, if a cow has to throw away a gum wrapper you’ll be ready.
- Hello. Yeah. Governor Wilson’s office?
- Yes, hi. Danny Tanner here, concerned citizen.
- Yeah, I-I was just wondering is there any way we can raise the driving age to 35?
- Check it out, “Doogie Howser reveals his most intimate secrets.”
- “Doogie likes tuna fish and music.”
- Boy, he really spilled his guts.
- Guess what. I’m a cheerleader.
- Not now, Michelle.
- Give me a A. Give me a B. Give me a C. Give me a D–
- Give me an O-U-T! Out! Out!
- Way out!
- This is my room too.
- Okay, I guess I’m gonna have to call the hairy, scary monster.
- Oops. I said his name once.
- I’m not scared.
- Oh, really?
- Hairy, scary monster.
- That’s two.
- I’m still not scared.
- You will be.
- Hairy, scary..
- – Run, Michelle, run. – I don’t think so.
- Okay, you asked for it.
- …monster!
- Well, well, well. Look who’s not here.
- Okay, there is no monster.
- But, uh, get out anyway.
- Thank you, Joey.
- You’re very welcome, Michelle.
- Joey, we knew it was you all along, right, Rita?
- Heck, no!
- Now, look, you guys are all even now, okay?
- So, let’s call a little truce.
- Steph, no more scaring Michelle.
- Michelle, when Stephanie’s in here with her friends you gotta give her some space.
- – Deal? – Deal.
- Okay. Here, put this on, Michelle.
- And let’s all howl on it.
- Ready?
- Wow! I never thought I’d be driving your Mustang.
- I like to call her Sally, Mustang Sally.
- You know, there’s only 1,100 of these in the whole country
- but mine is the only one with a complete set of Elvis lug nuts.
- Alright, go ahead. Start it up.
- You mean, I don’t even have to wrestle you for the keys?
- D.J., driving should be a very calm, cool, soothing experience.
- Now turn the key and let’s..
- …cruise.
- Mmm, listen to that baby purr.
- She’s talking to you, Deej.
- – You hear her? – Yeah.
- She’s says I should have learned to drive with you in the first place.
- Oh, Uncle Jesse, you’re the coolest.
- I know. It’s just something I’ve learned to live with.
- Alright, now, before you put it into drive
- I want you to, I want you to feel the vibrations, okay?
- Listen to Sally.
- That way, you become the car
- and, in turn, the car becomes..
- …you.
- Yeah.
- I am the car.
- Righteous.
- Alright, now go to the lamp post and make a right.
- You mean, I get to leave the parking lot? This is so cool.
- Okay, now, is there anything I should know before making my very first turn?
- Sally will tell you. Now just simply feel it.
- Feel it.
- Feel it.
- Feel it.
- Feel it!
- My baby! My..
- It’s just a car. It’s just a car.
- It’s just a c-ca..
- I’m so sorry. I feel terrible.
- I-I promise I’ll do better tomorrow.
- Why am I watching this?
- You made it back. How did it go?
- Oh, everything was fine.
- Oh, thank God.
- Except for the accident.
- – You got in an accident? – Well, nobody got hurt.
- I-I just put a teeny, tiny scratch on Mustang Sally.
- Uh, everything’s okay, right, Uncle Jesse?
- Sure. It’s just a c-c-car.
- I should have never let you go out.
- Why can’t you be cool about this like Uncle Jesse? He’s takin’ me out again tomorrow.
- [chuckling] You know, actually, Deej I was thinkin’, you know, what’s the rush?
- I mean, you know, San Francisco has such an excellent
- excellent public transportation system.
- You know, like I always say, there’s no place like a bus to make new friends.
- I can’t believe you’re saying this. You sound just like dad.
- I passed the test. I got my learner’s permit.
- It was amazing.
- I took home the manual. I read the stuff inside.
- And then when I took the test I remembered the stuff that I read.
- – You mean you studied. – Is that what I did? Wow!
- Oh, that’s my dad. He’s taking me out for a driving lesson right now.
- [laughing] Oh, what a joker.
- He’s wearing a blindfold.
- For the first time in my life, I wish I was a Gibbler.
- All I wanna do is be able to drive a car like everybody else in America.
- Why are you guys making this so hard for me?
- Sweetheart, I know I’ve been crazy about all this but..
- …for the last 15 years, all I’ve been doin’ is tryin’ to protect you.
- When you learned to walk, I covered the whole house in foam rubber.
- I can’t foam-rubber all of San Francisco.
- I know. I got estimates.
- Deej, if anything ever happened to you I-I don’t know what I’d do.
- Dad, don’t worry. Nothing is gonna happen to me.
- How do you know that? There’s a lot of bad drivers out there. Kimmy Gibbler is out on the road right now.
- Deej, listen, I know how you feel but, you know I’m a father now too, and so I know how your dad feels.
- I mean, since the day my kids were born I haven’t stopped worrying about ‘em.
- Well, it’s really nice that you guys are really worried about me
- but what am I supposed to do? Ride a bike the rest of my life?
- Of course not. How about a horse?
- Dad, you have to let go.
- I know, I-I have a hard time letting go
- but now I have to let go of you at 55 miles an hour.
- But the more I practice, the better driver I’m gonna be.
- Danny, she’s right. Somebody’s gotta teach her.
- It’s either us, or Mr. Gibbler.
- I vote for us.
- Thanks, dad.
- – Thanks, Uncle Jesse. – Alright.
- And this time, I’ll try not to be so tense.
- Right, and I’ll try not to be so laid back.
- Thanks, guys. Well, let’s get out there. Whose car are we gonna take?
- (both) His.
- Alright, fine, we’ll take mine, I mean, you know considering I trust her more than you do.
- What are you talking about? I trust her just as much as you do.
- – Okay, fine. We’ll take yours. – Alright.
- – Okay, you guys ready? – Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. We’re cool and calm, and belted in really tight.
- Deej, now whatever you do, don’t use the feel-it method.
- Just-just pull out and take it nice and easy.
- Yeah, but not too easy. You have to drive defensively.
- Yeah, but you don’t wanna be uptight.
- Are you calling me uptight?
- – Uptight, paranoid, whatever. – Oh, now I’m paranoid.
- – I care about my daughter– – Oh, you’re paranoid–
- Hey, if you boys don’t behave I’ll turn this car right around and go straight home.
- Sorry.
- Okay. Signal. Check my mirrors.
- Look over my shoulder, and pull out into traffic
- ‘for the very first time.’
- I’m really driving. I love it.
- – Pretty good, huh, Danny? – Yeah.
- I’m actually feeling good about this.
- Can I turn on the radio?
- (Danny and Jesse) No!
- いいさ たかが車だ
- たかが…
- ごめんなさい 最悪ね
- 明日は うまくやるわ
- 見てられない
- おかえり どうだった？
- 平気だったよ
- よかった
- 事故以外はね
- 事故だと？ おじさんのサリーを ちょっと こすっただけ
- おじさんのサリーを ちょっと こすっただけ
- 大したことないよね？
- そう たかが車だ…
- 止めるんだったな
- やめてよ おじさんは 明日も教えてくれるの
- だが そう急ぐこともない
- だが そう急ぐこともない シスコは交通機関が すばらしく発達してる
- シスコは交通機関が すばらしく発達してる
- バスなんか 出会いの宝庫だしな
- おじさんまで ひどいよ パパみたい
- 仮免許 取れたよ！
- 信じらんない
- 教則本を持ち帰って 読んだの
- テストを受けたら 読んだことが出来た
- 勉強したのね？ これが勉強なんだ！
- パパだ これから運転を習うの
- ウケるね
- 目隠ししてる
- 今だけは キミーがうらやましい
- ほかの子たちみたいに 運転したいだけよ
- なぜ邪魔するの？
- 確かに 少し騒ぎすぎたけど―
- 15年間 お前を守ってきたんだ
- 歩き始めは 家中をスポンジで覆った
- だが 町中は無理だ
- 予算が足りなくてね
- お前に何かあったら どうすればいい？
- 心配しないで 何もないよ
- 路上は危険だらけだ キミーまでが運転してる
- 俺にはＤＪの気持ちも 父親の心配も分かる
- 子供が生まれて 心配だらけだ
- 心配は ありがたいけど―
- 一生 自転車に 乗ってろって？
- 違うさ 馬はどう？
- パパ 運転させて
- させるべきなのは 分かるけど―
- させるべきなのは 分かるけど― 時速80キロで 走っちゃうなんて
- 練習すれば 運転は上達するわ
- そうだな 誰かが教えなきゃ
- 俺たちか ギブラーさんか
- 俺たちだね
- ありがとう
- おじさんも
- もう怒らないようにする
- 俺は甘すぎないように
- よろしく どっちの車にする？
- そっち
- いいぜ 俺の方が お前を信じてる
- バカ言え 僕の方が信じてる
- じゃ 譲るよ よし
- 出していい？
- いいよ 心もシートベルトも 準備オーケー
- 今度は“感じる”方式はよせ
- ゆっくり気楽にいけよ
- だが 気楽すぎず慎重に
- けど 緊張するな
- 僕 緊張してる？
- すまん ピリピリか 違うよ
- いや 違わねえな
- ケンカするなら このまま家まで飛ばすよ
- ごめん
- ウィンカーを出して ミラーをチェック
- 目視オーケー 生まれて初めての 路上運転よ
- 生まれて初めての 路上運転よ
- すごい 私が運転してる！
- うまいな
- ああ これなら安心だ
- ラジオつける？
- ダメ！
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