- ♪ And we come from Zanzibar ♪ ♪ Where we sell zippers ♪♪
- My turn.
- Michelle, you don’t know how to jump rope.
- Oh, yes, I do. Make the rope go.
- A, my name is Michelle.
- B, my name is Michelle.
- Should we tell her she’s doing it wrong?
- Nay, she wouldn’t believe us anyway.
- D, my name is D.J.
- Michelle, you got that one right.
- Alright. Good.
- N-M-N-O-P I’m Michelle.
- Alright, Jojo, we got our campaign.
- Ocean Nice Sardines. The snack fish o’ the ’90s.
- Now, all we need is a voice for our spokes fish Eugene, the sardine.
- Here, you’re the voice man. Do your thing.
- I got it. Eugene, the surfing sardine.
- Whoa, like surf’s up, fish freaks.
- Whoa, bummer, dude.
- [sniffs] What’s that gnarly smell?
- Whoa, it’s me.
- No, Joseph, you’re not thinking like a sardine. Now, in order to sound like a sardine, you must eat a sardine.
- Alright? You are what you eat.
- Now…snorkel down one of these silver puppies.
- You mean, put one of these in my mouth?
- Come on, Joey, it’s food.
- Yeah, if you’re a seal.
- – You eat it. – Oh, I’m not eating that bait.
- You’re doing the voice.. It’s very simple. Open your mouth and say, “Ahh!”
- Now, let’s hear that sardine voice.
- You’re a dead man.
- No chance of Baskin-Robbins making that a flavor.
- I did a real fun voice on my tape recorder this morning.
- Hey, uh…where did my little tape recorder go?
- Oh, now, that’s a suspicious little giggle.
- Michelle, do you know where my little tape recorder is?
- Yes, I do.
- And where is my tape recorder?
- The tape recorder is hiding.
- It’s not fun to hide other people’s things.
- It is for me.
- Little puppies aren’t half bad.
- Look, I found this tape recorder in my cereal box.
- This is a much better prize than those little plastic dinosaurs.
- Thank you, I’ll take that. Oh, look what I found.
- Oh, nuts!
- Okay, I’m on Saturday bathroom patrol.
- Wait, I thought you had a date with Joan, what’s her name?
- No, it’s June, what’s-her-name.
- It’s Jane what’s-her-name.
- And it doesn’t matter, because I broke off the date.
- You broke off another date with another girl? What’s the problem with this one?
- Yeah, dad, I thought you really liked her.
- I did. But.. I don’t know. There was just no future in it.
- I took a look at her and one of her earlobes was a little bit bigger than the other one.
- Sometimes I wonder if there’s anybody out there who’s right for me.
- Don’t worry, Dad. You’re the greatest.
- I’m sure you’ll find someone with even earlobes.
- [chuckles] Thanks, Deej.
- Okay, who wants to help clean the soap dishes?
- – Hi! – ‘Hey, Steph.’
- Karen’s dance class was great!
- [chuckles] Thanks for giving Steph a ride, Karen.
- Oh, no problem. It’s on my way home.
- Steph, what did you learn from Karen today?
- I learned that you still owe her a check for my lessons.
- Well, that’s not all she learned.
- Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot.
- It’s okay. I know where you live.
- Steph, show your dad what we’re working on.
- Okay. D.J., go put on some music.
- Why do I have to put on the music?
- Because your name is D.J.
- Okay, everybody, I just learned this in class today.
- – Alright. – Let’s see what you got, kid.
- – You ready? – Yep.
- Hit it!
- Good job, Steph.
- – Try it with me, Dad. – Okay.
- You know, sometimes grace and coordination skip a generation.
- Like this, Daddy.
- Now, this I can do.
- I don’t know that step. How does it go?
- It’s.. Let’s show her, Michelle.
- More arms.
- Steph, come with me.
- But, but, excuse us.
- This better be important.
- It is.
- Dad wants a girlfriend. Karen’s earlobes are both the same size.
- They’re the perfect couple.
- We just have to figure a way to get them alone together.
- How can they be alone if they’re together?
- Just stop thinking and help me think.
- How can I think if I stop thinking?
- New plan. [sighs] I work alone.
- Okay, but I got a great plan to get Karen to stay for lunch.
- Well, what is it?
- We ask her.
- Okay, now, you all know what to do.
- Karen, sit right here.
- Thanks for inviting me to lunch, D.J.
- Okay, I have everyone’s sandwich just the way they want them.
- Turkey, all white meat. Turkey and Swiss.
- Swiss, no turkey.
- Turkey, all dark meat, extra tomato.
- Turkey, extra turkey.
- Turkey, half dark meat, half white meat.
- And…peanut butter and banana hold the turkey.
- This baby is mine.
- Dad.. …we saved you a seat right here.
- Uh, just a second, I just want to do a little pre-rinse before the really big wash after lunch.
- Isn’t he a gem?
- He’s so…gonna make some woman a.. A very happy man.
- Oh, and-and, and talk about perfect sandwiches. I mean, when he goes down the poultry aisle
- all the turkeys yell, “Take me, take, take me.”
- That’s why we call him “Mr. Turkey.”
- Oh, this is so nice.
- I can’t remember the last time we were all together for a Saturday lunch.
- – Well, I gotta do my homework. – Me too.
- – Let’s go. – Enjoy, now.
- – Come on, Michelle, let’s go. – I had to eat in my room.
- You don’t have to eat in your room.
- D.J. told me I do.
- Have a nice lunch.
- It looks to me like we’ve been set up here.
- I swear, I had nothing to do with this.
- I know that. We’re just friends.
- That’s right, we’re buddies.
- I mean, what did they think would happen? They’d light a candle and they’d leave us alone..
- …and then I’d just..
- …look into your beautiful..
- …deep blue-gray eyes..
- …then our lips would move closer..
- …as if some magnetic force stronger than both of us
- was pulling us together.
- Alright, Dad!
- We just had a homework question. We’ll ask later.
- (D.J.) ‘Yes!’
- Karen, uh.. …I gotta tell you a little secret.
- Ever since Stephanie’s first dance class..
- …I’ve kind of had a crush on you.
- Oh, well, I have to tell you a little secret.
- Your house isn’t really on my way home.
- Really?
- Well, in, in that case, what do you say we turn this into a real date?
- I know this great restaurant in Chinatown that has the best dim sum.
- Hm-mm, I’d love some dim sum.
- – Then let’s get some. – Okay.
- Oh, dim sum, here I come.
- This is a joke.
- Girls, get in here!
- – What is it? – What happened?
- Well, I lost my keys.
- I gotta meet my band and I’m the one who could open up the rehearsal hall. Has anybody seen ‘em?
- – Not me. – Not me.
- What did I do?
- Michelle, you’ve been playing that hiding game all day, haven’t you, young lady?
- – Yes, I was. – Alright.
- I want you to show me everything you hid, right now.
- I’m not busy. Follow me.
- Don’t you have an extra set of keys?
- If I did, would I be at the mercy of a three year old?
- People, I’m waiting!
- This is my room..
- …and this is my pencil bed.
- Alright, cut the guided tour and show us the loot.
- Okay, okay.
- I hid this.
- Michelle.. …that’s my Milli Vanilli tape.
- And you called me a Milli Vanilli thief. I demand an apology.
- In your dreams.
- I accept.
- Hey, Michelle, while I’m young.
- Here, Stephie.
- Michelle, my sparkle pen.
- You’re old enough to hear this now.
- How rude!
- Why does she always say that?
- Michelle, I’m growing a beard here. Come on, I’m late. Where are my keys?
- Now, here. Are you happy now?
- Yeah, I’d be happy if I was driving a Fisher-Price Harley.
- Come on, now, we’re gonna retrace every single step you took today.
- – You got it? – You got it, dude.
- Now, where did you go after you were downstairs?
- To the potty.
- This is gonna be a long day.
- I can’t believe we were singing Doo-wop songs on the ferry to salsa lead and in front of those people
- I can’t believe we made $11.
- I think they liked you better than our singing.
- I had a really good time with you, Karen.
- I hate to see this day end.
- Me too. Why don’t you come in.
- I wasn’t expecting company, but I can make some coffee.
- Coffee’s great.
- This was the perfect day
- with the perfect woman.
- I’ll bet you even make the perfect cup of co–
- Call the police. You’ve been robbed.
- I haven’t been robbed.
- I’ve just been so busy with dance classes
- and everything else, I haven’t tidied up in a while.
- Since when? The ’60s?
- Okay, so I’m a little behind on my housekeeping.
- No big deal.
- This mess isn’t a problem, is it?
- Messy room? A problem for me?
- [chuckles] No.
- Great. I’ll make some coffee.
- Danny, are you cleaning up my apartment?
- No, I was just looking for your coffee table.
- Found it.
- Forget about that mess. How do you take your coffee?
- Uh, clean.
- I mean, in a clean cup. Uh..
- With the milk and coffee, of course.
- And some sweet and tidy, uh..
- Clean and low, oh!
- Just black would be fine.
- You seem a little tense.
- You wanna sing “Blue Moon” again?
- No. Don’t worry about me.
- I’m as loose as a goose.
- [chuckling] Come on.
- [chuckles] Alright.
- Attaboy.
- Attagirl.
- You know, it’s amazing how your life can change in an instant.
- One minute I was eating a turkey sandwich and…next thing you know, I was kissing you.
- Surprised me too.
- – What are you doing? – Nothing.
- Danny, you were rolling my socks while we were kissing.
- Alright, it’s true.
- I was making out and folding laundry.
- Karen, listen to me. I can open up a whole new world for you.
- A wondrous world of mops and brooms and dust busters.
- Dishes you can see yourself in and tabletops that smell like lemon trees and toilet water as blue as a Jamaican lagoon.
- Danny, you’re scaring me.
- Well, Karen, your furniture’s under here somewhere.
- Don’t you wonder what it looks like?
- Isn’t there a place you can go for help? Like Over Cleaners Anonymous.
- Very funny.
- Maybe we, uh, don’t have as much in common as we thought we did.
- Maybe I should just go.
- I’m sorry.
- Me too.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Please, just tell me where you hid Uncle Jesse’s keys
- so we can get on with the rest of our lives.
- I did not hide the key.
- I know what will make you talk. It’s time for the tickle rockets.
- Okay. Now, where are the keys?
- I don’t know.
- Tickle me again.
- Michelle, look what I have.
- A Popsicle!
- Take a lick.
- You can have the rest when you tell us where the keys are.
- I don’t know.
- This is crazy. I went through every trash can in this house.
- – Still no keys. – She won’t crack.
- – Maybe she really didn’t do it. – Oh, sure.
- The jails are full of people who swear they didn’t do it.
- Come here, you. Now, listen.
- I know that you took my keys.
- – I did not. – You did too.
- – I did not. – You did too.
- – I did not. – You did too.
- Hey, Jess, I got you more sardines.
- By the way, you left your keys in the front door.
- – What? I did not. – Did too.
- – Did not. Did not – Did too. Did too
- Michelle..
- …you really didn’t take my keys.
- I told you so.
- Will you forgive me and still be my best friend?
- Well, why not?
- – Popsicle, please. – Here you go.
- – Hey, everybody. – ‘Hey, Dad.’
- What’s going on?
- So.. …what happened with Karen?
- – Uh, I had a very nice time. – Alright.
- – Alright. – Great.
- We’re the love connection.
- Girls, it’s not what you think. Karen and I have decided we’re just gonna be friends.
- Oh, I’m sorry, Dad.
- But don’t worry. Steph and I know plenty of single women.
- Come on, let’s go start making a list.
- Okay. How about that lady who cuts Dad’s hair?
- Steph, that’s a man.
- It is?
- So, Danny, what excuse did you use this time?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, you find something wrong with every girl you go out with.
- I don’t know what you’re talking about.
- Come on, Michelle. Let’s finish that Popsicle in the kitchen.
- I’ll see you, Jojo.
- Oh, come on, Jess. You gotta help me with Danny.
- – I gotta go to my rehearsal. – You’re already six hours late.
- What’s a couple more minutes?
- Alright, Danny, what happened?
- We had a great time. We, uh, went out for Chinese food. Then we sang on the ferry and then we went to her apartment.
- Her apartment? Oh, yeah.
- Well, it was then that I found out that I had spent
- the entire day kissing…a slob.
- (together) Oh! No!
- Her place was a pigsty.
- There were clothes everywhere.
- I thought her hamper exploded.
- Oh, why is it every girl I go out with has something wrong with her?
- Maybe it’s bad luck. Maybe it’s fate.
- Maybe it’s you.
- How could it be me?
- Danny, you’re making yourself nuts looking for the perfect woman. There’s no such thing as the perfect woman.
- Yes, there is. I was married to her.
- Hey, Pam was my sister. And I loved her very very much.
- But come on, man. She was always late.
- She spent way too much time in the bathroom. When I was little, she used to hold me down and stick carrots up my nose.
- Trust me, she wasn’t perfect.
- Danny, she seemed perfect to you because you loved her.
- And the bottom line here is that you’re afraid to get close to somebody.
- So, you look for something wrong in every girls you go out with.
- I do that?
- Yes, Mr. Her-Earlobes-Aren’t-Perfect.
- I mean, you gotta start looking for what’s right in people. Otherwise you’re gonna miss out on somebody who could make your life a lot happier.
- Think about it.
- Okay. I gotta go to my rehearsal. – I’ll see you guys. – See you.
- ‘See you.’
- Where are my keys?
- Right here. Give me a break.
- I’ll go get those keys.
- Hey, Michelle, look. Big Bird.
- Danny.
- Hi, Karen. Can I come in?
- Sure.
- I’m sorry. I-I came in here before. And I saw this mess and..
- Am I in the right apartment?
- Yes, Danny. Believe it or not, I do know how to clean up.
- Karen. I didn’t give you a fair chance.
- I didn’t give us a fair chance.
- Well, it just seems like you cared more about my mess than me.
- Well, the truth is.. …I really started to like you and it scared me.
- But from now on, I’m gonna be a lot more flexible and more willing to compromise.
- Because…you are the best thing that’s come into my life since Spray ‘n Wash.
- I’ll take that as a compliment.
- So, will you go out with me again?
- Of course, I will.
- Oh, do you mind if I hug you?
- Hug away.
- I do this a lot. You better get used to it.
- Your place looks so nice.
- Yeah, but I don’t know where anything is.
- Oh, where did you put all your stuff?
- Right here.
- [chuckles] Don’t worry. I remember where everything goes
- These magazines, yeah, they were, like, right there.
- もう６時間 遅刻だ つきあえよ
- 何があった？
- 食事して船上で歌って 彼女の部屋へ行っただけ
- 彼女の部屋？ やるねえ
- そしたら 僕がキスしてた相手は―
- そしたら 僕がキスしてた相手は― ズボラだった
- ウソ！
- ひどい部屋だった
- 服がぐちゃぐちゃで―
- 爆発現場かと思った
- なぜ僕の相手には 欠点が？
- 僕には運がないのかもね
- 原因はあんた
- 僕のせい？
- ダニー 完ぺきな女性など いないさ
- いるさ だから結婚した
- その相手は姉貴 大好きな姉だった
- でも姉貴は遅刻が多かった
- バスルームは占領するし 俺の鼻にニンジン入れた
- 完ぺきじゃなかった
- 愛したから完ぺきに見えた
- 人を愛するのを 恐れてるんだ
- だから欠点を探す
- 僕が？
- 耳たぶに難癖つけたりさ
- もっとフェアに見ないと 幸せを逃すことになるぞ
- よく考えろ
- リハーサルに行ってくる
- じゃあな
- また鍵がない
- ここだよ やった
- この悪ガキ
- ビッグバードだ
- ダニー
- どうも 入っていい？
- いいわ
- さっきは 散らかった部屋に つい…
- 部屋が違う？
- 私だって掃除はできるのよ
- カレン 僕が間違ってたよ
- 心が狭かった
- 汚い部屋が 許せないんでしょ
- 君を好きになり始めて 怖かったんだ
- これからは柔軟な頭で 妥協も覚えるよ
- こんな出会いは スプレー洗剤以来だ
- それ 褒め言葉ね
- また会ってくれる？
- もちろんよ
- ハグしても？
- どうぞ
- ハグが癖でね 慣れてよ
- きれいな部屋だね
- 何がどこなのかサッパリ
- 片づけた物は？
- ここよ
- 大丈夫 僕が覚えてる
- 雑誌は― その辺りだったな
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