- Danny, this psycho was about to mash my potato.
- I was not. I heard a noise down here. – I thought it was a prowler. – Liar.
- Shh!
- Follow me. It’s over here.
- Don’t ever say hello to your father like that again.
- Do you guys play baseball every night after we go to sleep?
- Well, actually, girls, um..
- …your Uncle Jesse’s holding a bat
- because he’s a wee bit miffed at me.
- A wee bit miffed? I’m miffed off.
- When I think about what you did to me tonight–
- Come on, Jesse, let’s let bygones be bygones.
- Alright. Bye. You’re gone.
- I don’t know what’s going on here but why don’t you guys just stop this and.. …give each other a hug?
- A high five?
- I’m not in the mood. You know why? I’ll tell you why.
- It’s all because of a little story entitled “Mean Mr. Joey stabs sweet, innocent Uncle Jesse in the back.”
- – Story time. – Yeah.
- Girls, you don’t want to hear “Mean Mr. Joey stabs sweet, innocent Uncle Jesse in the back,” do you?
- Yeah. It’s got a great title.
- Alright, one quick story. But don’t even think about staying up to watch “Letterman.”
- This better be PG.
- It all started last week.
- The exterminator business was slow so I decided to start teaching guitar.
- I was waiting for my new student to show up.
- ♪ She’s a lady ♪
- Alright, she’s not.
- ♪ She’s a woman ♪
- ♪ She’s a muchacha ♪
- Maybe she’s a man.
- Uncle Jesse.. there’s a girl here to see you. This one’s great.
- Oh. That must be my new guitar student.
- Yeah, right.
- Come on in!
- I’m Corinna Spicer.
- I’m Jesse Cochran.
- I’m outta here.
- Corinna? That’s-that’s a real pretty name.
- So, welcome to the, uh, Jesse Cochran school of music. – I’ll take this, please. – Thanks.
- Interesting decor. I don’t meet a lot of men with little pink bunnies on their walls.
- I’m also a mouseketeer.
- I like that in a man.
- Good, because today is “anything can happen” day.
- Here, take a seat. Why? Because we like you.
- – I kill myself. – Uh.
- But, Jesse, I have to warn you. I have absolutely no musical experience.
- I teach second grade and I wanna accompany my kids on sing-alongs.
- That’s wonderful! You get to work with children.
- I love youngsters.
- – Uncle Jesse– – Not now.
- Poor Mr. Teddy. I’ll tell you what, as soon as we’re done I’ll help you sew Mr. Teddy’s head right back on to Mr. Teddy’s body.
- Okay, honeybunch, sugar pie?
- Honeybunch? Sugar pie?
- This is weird.
- You’re pretty. Watch him.
- [chuckles] My little niece. I could just..
- Okay.. Back to music.
- Alright, now. I’m gonna teach you two simple chords. And in no time you’re gonna be playing a song. Alright?
- First chord, it’s an A chord.
- A chord!
- You’re real pretty when you smile like that.
- Sorry. B-back to music.
- [clears throat] Anyway, the next chord would be a D chord. Which is this note, this note, and that note. Try that.
- Perfect. Good.
- You now have more musical knowledge than Twisted Sister.
- With those two chords, you can play 374 tunes including such campfire favorites as..
- ♪ Hang down your head Tom Dooley ♪ ♪ Hang down your head ♪
- ♪ Wise men say ♪
- ♪ Only fools rush in ♪
- ♪ But I ♪ ♪ I just can’t help ♪
- ♪ Falling in love ♪ ♪ With you ♪
- Everybody sing along.
- There’s that chord again. Very nice.
- Let’s try the strum.
- This one, that one, this one, that one. Good.
- (Jesse) After the lesson, I invited Corinna out for a little ride on my motorcycle.
- Seven hours later..
- That’s the power laugh. That’s good.
- You wanna stay and have a drink?
- Oh, I really can’t. I have other plans. But thank you for a great day.
- A guitar lesson, a picnic by the bay. Candlelight dinner in the wine country.
- You do this for all your students?
- Well, that was the deluxe lesson.
- That will be $475.
- – The check’s in the mail. – Alright.
- I’ll see you next lesson, Wednesday night?
- Corinna.
- I had a really nice time today.
- Those are my nieces.
- Have mercy.
- Don’t ever “Ew” when your uncle’s kissing.
- Joey, this was actually cleaner when food was cooking in it.
- Jesse, we saved you some chili.
- Not hungry.
- Oh, brother, not again.
- What’s her name?
- Corinna.
- Corinna?
- Don’t you ever meet a Debbie or a Susie?
- Okay, fine. You guys crack all the jokes you want.
- But I’m telling you.. …when our eyes met, there was magic.
- With you there’s always magic because you wear a top hat and pull white doves out of your pants.
- Fine. That’s fine.
- In Jesse’s defense.. …when it comes to love.. …I think anything is possible.
- I felt the same instant magic when I met Pam.
- She walked into my 10th grade geometry class
- sat down right next to me, and I said..
- [high-pitched] “Hi. Can I borrow your slide rule?”
- You didn’t reach puberty by the 10th grade?
- Not till I met Pam. The next morning I woke up with a mustache.
- I’m sorry. No sale, boys. Love just does not happen that fast.
- Hey, guys, you know how I know it’s real?
- I can’t stop smiling.
- I’m just smiling away like I’m Nancy Reagan.
- I just can’t stop smiling.
- I stopped, thanks to him.
- But Corinna and me were madly in love.
- We did see him kissing.
- Jesse, please stop making out in front of my kids.
- Mr. Back-stabber.. …why don’t you tell everybody what you did today?
- Well, I woke up, turned off the alarm
- did that stretching thing–
- Not the stretching thing, the back-stabbing thing!
- Hey, could you pick up the pace a little bit? I’d like to get the girls to bed before “Good morning, America.”
- Well, it was stormy, and..
- …me and Danny and the girls were getting ready to watch “The Wizard of Oz.”
- Here we go. Popcorn du jour.
- All in honor of Stephanie’s first viewing of “The Wizard of Oz.”
- I’m psyched.
- You should be, honey. It’s the sweetest little movie.
- There’s this pretty girl Dorothy and she’s got this adorable dog Toto
- who gets kidnapped by this horrible witch.
- But she gets her dog back and her house flies through the air
- and then it-it lands on this other horrible witch whose feet curl up like party favors.
- Trust me, honey. It’s the sweetest little movie.
- Hi. I’m, uh, Joey. Can I help you, please?
- – I’m here to see Jesse. – Aren’t they all?
- I’m Corinna Spencer. I have a guitar lesson.
- Oh, Jesse called to say he’s running a little bit late. Uh, would you like to watch “The Wizard of Oz” with us?
- Oh, that’s my favorite movie. Yeah.
- Uh, it’s mine, too. Come on in.
- Uh, Corinna, this is Danny, Stephanie, DJ, and Michelle.
- Oh, dad, something happened to the TV.
- It’s snowing in Kansas.
- The cable goes out every time there’s a storm.
- Fix it.
- Steph, this is not something I can fix.
- Fix it.
- Steph, I’m gonna call the cable company.
- You’ll get a busy signal. Fix it.
- Why wasn’t I born a cable repairman?
- Hey, no problem. I do that “Wizard of Oz” bit in my act.
- Somebody do something. I’m very upset.
- Okay, everybody gather around for “The Wizard of Oz.”
- Grab a seat right in front. Here we go.
- [high-pitched] Dorothy, Dorothy!
- [higher-pitched] Aunty Em, Aunty Em!
- A twister! A twister! A twister!
- Oh, it sure is scary around these parts.
- There’s probably lions and tigers and bears.
- Oh, my. Come on, you guys.
- (both) Lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my!
- Lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my!
- Put ‘em up. Put ‘em up.
- ♪ If I were king of the forest ♪
- I am the great and powerful Oz!
- Ssss! I’m melting! Melting!
- I feel like…butter.
- You’ve always had the power to get back to Kansas. Just click your heels together three times and say..
- “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
- ‘There’s no place like home.”‘
- Ah! Dorothy, wake up. Your teeth are finished.
- Well, what did you think?
- Fix it!
- Oh, Joey, I loved it.
- Yeah. That was an incredible simulation.
- I hope you don’t feel bad when I rent the tape tomorrow.
- Okay, girls, come on. It’s time to get you into your pajamas and ready for bed.
- This should only take five or six hours.
- – ‘Goodnight, Joey.’ – ‘Goodnight, Joey.’
- [chuckles] Oh, great kids.
- Yeah, they’re the greatest kids in the history of kids.
- I love how children are so open and natural. I think that’s why I went into teaching.
- That’s why I refuse to grow up.
- Oh, you seem pretty grown up to me.
- [chuckles] Who? Me? The guy who keeps Abe Lincoln on a stick in his bedroom?
- Joey, you are so funny.
- I-I think that a sense of, uh, humor is a very sexy quality in a man.
- Your girlfriend must adore you.
- Oh, I don’t-I don’t have a girlfriend.
- – You’re not seeing anybody? – Well, sort of.
- I’m seeing the dentist next Wednesday.
- Well, if things don’t work out between you and the dentist..
- …maybe you and I could get together.
- Well, Dr. Hoffman’s pretty cute but he is married.
- So, uh, pick a time.
- How about right after my guitar lesson with Jesse?
- Jesse. Corinna.
- Jesse…yeah.
- Uh, yeah. Excuse me. I’m gonna go check on something in the kitchen.
- – Can I give you a hand? – Uh, no. I’m doing fine.
- What exactly are you checking on?
- Oh, I’m just doing some, uh, random checking.
- There’s salt, pepper. Duck.
- Stove. Sink. Faucet.
- Jesse’s girl.
- Well, everything checks out.
- You know, he’s really crazy about you.
- Yeah, well, Jesse’s really a terrific guy and we had a really nice day together.
- But to be honest, there was nothing really special between us.
- That’s not exactly how Jesse puts it.
- And if there’s one thing in life that’s sacred.. …you never mess with a buddy’s girl.
- But I’m not his girl.
- All Jesse and I had between us was one little innocent kiss goodbye. It was nothing, really.
- It was one of these.
- Oh, that right there, that was-that was nothing.
- It’s how I kiss my grandmother.
- You must be very close.
- It was like four lips shaking hands.
- Look, I know. We can try it again.
- Oh, good. You’re home.
- (Joey) So where was I?
- I came in and found you kissing the woman of my dreams.
- Oh, yeah. Good memory.
- ‘So there we were.’ Jesse had walked in to find me kissing the woman of his dreams.
- Oh, good. You’re home.
- What the hell’s going on here?
- Well, Jesse, actually, it’s-it’s very simple.
- Um, Corinna was choking on some bad cheese so I initiated a Heimlich maneuver.
- And when that didn’t work I tried to suck out the cheese..
- …using the hoover maneuver.
- So you weren’t kissing? You were searching for cheese?
- You look upset.
- Oh, why would I be upset?
- You saving the life of someone who’s very special to me.
- – Jesse– – Oh, Corinna, please.
- Now, I’m not really in the mood to give a guitar lesson tonight.
- Besides, you’re probably still reeling from that near death by cheese.
- Why don’t you go home and practice?
- Jesse, wait a minute.
- There’s something I have to say.
- Corinna really wasn’t choking on any bad cheese.
- No!
- We were kissing.
- No!
- Corinna, Joey and I should probably, uh.. have a word together alone.
- Look, I’m-I’m really sorry if there’s any misunderstanding. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.
- Oh, there won’t be any trouble. Jesse and I are very close friends.
- We’ll have a heart to heart and work this thing out
- in a very calm, rational, adult manner.
- Freeze!
- I have a baby and I know how to use it.
- – Joey– – I’m warning you, she’s loaded.
- Put the baby down.
- Not a chance.
- Okay, fine. I’ll wait. You’ve got to put the kid down sometime.
- Two or three days, that diaper’s gonna weigh five to six hundred pounds.
- Jesse, I’m really sorry. I should have stopped everything cold before anything happened.
- I should have talked to you.
- – Really? – Yeah, you-you were right.
- I-I felt this instant magic and I fell in love with her.
- You fell in love with her? You can’t fall in love with her, man. I fell in love with her first!
- I’m sorry, but she likes me more.
- How can she like you more than she likes me?
- Boys, stop this. Michelle has enough love for all of us.
- Don’t make her choose. Now, both of you, give her a kiss.
- Go ahead. Give her a kiss.
- So now a second woman had come between us.
- I wanted to talk things out but Jesse said he couldn’t stand to look at me.
- Apparently, a Louisville slugger puts him in the mood for a conversation.
- I told you I heard a noise. I wasn’t gonna bat you.
- Alright, girls, it’s time to go to sleep.
- Your Uncle Jesse and Joey have told you a wonderful bedtime story.
- I’m sure you’ll have visions of jealous little sugarplums dancing in your heads.
- Wait a minute. How does the story end?
- Well, Joey’s guilt drives him totally insane.
- But no one knows the difference.
- I don’t think so. Wake us up and tell us who gets the girl.
- There’s a whole different world that starts the second we go to sleep.
- Guys, come here.
- What do you want now?
- Before you guys duel to the death let’s have one more conversation to work this out.
- Not with this scum.
- Okay, then, just talk to me.
- Let me ask you boys a question or two about your beloved Corinna.
- What are the things she cares about most in the world?
- What does she look for in a relationship with a man?
- Let’s try this one. What color are her eyes?
- – Hazel. – Green.
- Green-hazel, hazel-green.
- They have white around the edge, I think.
- Anybody know her last name?
- – Spicer. – Spicer.
- Pat Sajak knows more about his contestants.
- You know, I don’t think.. …you fell in love with Corinna. That takes time.
- I think maybe you fell in love with being in love.
- Am I right, Jesse?
- I do seem to fall in love a lot.
- But it’s just because I’m always hoping that this is the one.
- I just want to meet one nice, special girl I can spend my life with.
- Aw, Jesse.
- Everybody wants that. But you don’t have to try so hard.
- When the right woman comes along.. …you really will know it.
- I could have sworn Corinna was it.
- [sighs] Maybe I did go a little overboard.
- I guess I was just shocked that she liked me as much as I liked her.
- Why are you shocked? Have a little faith in yourself. You’re a good guy.
- As much as I hate to admit it.. …it seems like Corinna likes you more than she likes me.
- God, I hate to admit it.
- Alright, you’re not scum.
- I know that comes from your heart, Jess.
- That was almost semi-touching.
- You hear that noise? I told you someone’s out here.
- – Hi. – Corinna? What are you doing here? Come in.
- I-I really felt terrible about tonight and I came back to apologize.
- ‘But then I heard shouting, so I decided to go home.’ Then I felt even worse, so I decided to come back.
- Look…you both are great guys and I would hate to do anything to mess up your friendship.
- I’m really sorry.
- Okay, now I’m going to go home again. Goodbye.
- Hold on a second.
- I may have met you first but I…think we all know who belongs together here.
- Why don’t you take some time and.. …get to know Joey. He’s a good guy.
- He’s got pajama problems, but..
- I love this guy.
- Hug her, not me. – Sorry. – Big dummy.
- Come on, Jesse, let’s leave these two alone.
- By the way.. …what were you really gonna do with the bat?
- I was gonna kill him.
- That’s what I would have done.
- – Goodnight. – Goodnight.
- 分かるよ
- みんなそうだ でも焦ることはない
- その時が来れば 自然と分かる
- 僕も同じだよ
- 舞い上がってたんだ
- 好きだなんて 言われたから
- なんで舞い上がるんだ 自信を持てよ
- 認めたくないけど 彼女はお前を好きなんだ
- 頭にくるな
- “タコ”は取り消す
- 本気じゃないと思った
- 感動的だな
- やっぱり誰か居る
- コリーナ 何してる
- 今夜のことを もう一度 謝ろうと思って
- でも声がしたから 帰ろうか迷ってたの
- 友達同士でケンカなんて させる気じゃなかった
- ごめんなさい
- 今度こそ帰るわね
- 待てよ
- 先に会ったのは俺だけど それは関係ない
- ジョーイはいいヤツだよ
- 服はダサいけど
- 大好きだ
- 相手が違うだろ
- 僕たちは行こう
- バットで何する気だった?
- 殺す気だった
- 分かるよ
- おやすみ おやすみ
You cannot copy content of this page