- Sure, I could smash some eggs.
- Whoa, you don’t smash them.
- You crack them on the side of the bowl very gently. Observe.
- Now, do you think you can do that?
- Duh.
- Michelle, that was perfect.
- Thank you very much.
- Now, would you like to scramble them up?
- I sure would.
- ♪ Whatever happened to predictability ♪
- Okay, that’s it.
- I just saw Jesse and Becky pull up.
- They’re home from the hospital with the twins.
- Oh, man, I hear footsteps.
- Are you ready?
- (in unison) Welcome home!
- I can feel the love.
- We’re home.
- ‘Look at this.’
- Nicky, Alexander, this is your family, remember?
- Oh, isn’t that cute? They look like little Elmer Fudds.
- [imitating Elmer] Hewwo, you wascally wug wats.
- Joey’s right. My babies look like Elmer Fudd.
- Honey, honey, it’s okay.
- Joey wasn’t thinking. You know how he has trouble with that.
- Now, everybody, we have to be a little sensitive to Becky’s feelings.
- The doctor said she’s gonna be a little over emotional the next few days.
- Well, it’s not my fault.
- Doctor said it’s very common for new mothers to have mood swings.
- Why are you all staring at me?
- Because you were just talking to us.
- Oh, well, thanks for listening.
- – Was that a mood swing? – Six point two.
- – Can I hold one of the babies? – Sure.
- – Can I hold one too? – Absolutely, Steph.
- But you have to sit down first, okay?
- Hey, come on, pal.
- Here you go, Deej.
- Be careful with his head.
- (D.J.) ‘Oh, how sweet.’
- I’m next.
- I’m afraid you’re too little.
- In case you forgot, I’m five years old now.
- That’s a whole hand.
- Michelle, babies are very delicate. I’m sorry, you’re just not old enough yet.
- The twins are so cute.
- Alright, let me tell everybody now. Now, let’s not get in the habit of calling them “The twins”.
- They’re two entirely different people with two entirely different identities.
- So which one’s Nicky, and which one’s Alexander?
- Beats me. But I do know Nicky loves Elvis.
- And Alex loves to burp.
- But their names are on their hospital bracelets.
- Hey, Kimmy, get the camera. The grandparents are gonna want pictures.
- Wait a minute, If my mom’s gonna see this I have to put on the booties she made for the boys.
- Ho-ho-hold it a second.
- No sons of mine are gonna be wearing any tutti-frutti booties, alright?
- I knew it. You hate my mother, don’t you?
- Mood swing.
- No, I- I love your sainted mother. Did I-did I say tutti-frutti booties?
- No, I meant, I meant cutie-wootie booties. That’s what I meant.
- – You’re just saying that. – No, no, no, they’re adorable.
- Aren’t they adorable? Help me out here, please.
- – Yeah, I’d wear ‘em. – ‘They’re cute.’
- – See? – Oh.
- Well, I’m so glad you like ‘em.
- This is where your mommy and daddy live, huh.
- And this is the bed.
- That’s where you guys get started.
- Jess.
- Well, it’s the highlight of the tour.
- Okay, here’s the rest of the room, fellas.
- – What do you think? – Honey, I’m going to unpack.
- And in here, this is your room.
- This is the nursery. Huh, fellas? What do you think?
- I know what you’re saying, you’re saying “Hey, pop, we deserve walls.”
- And I promise, some day, you’ll get ‘em.
- Oh, this is going to be the perfect place, guys.
- And you’re going to have the perfect life because I’m going to be the perfect dad.
- Hey, my dad was great, but he did make a few mistakes. Like, he’s always buggin’ me about my long hair.
- But I tell you, something, it’s not going to happen to you.
- You know why? Because you’re bald.
- I was just kidding. I’m kidding, I’m good.
- You know, I like to joke around sometimes. Y-you guys will learn.
- Oh, I love you so much. Can I have a kiss?
- I’m going to be the best dad in the world.
- I promise you guys.
- Oh, this is so fun. I’m hanging out with boys. My boys.
- High five. Give me high five.
- Give me five.
- Give me a high five.
- Give me a high five.
- Give me a high five. High five. High five me.
- Right on, brother.
- So, the doctor’s taking my blood pressure and you’re not gonna believe this. It registers nothing.
- Turns out there was this little hole in that little squeeze ball. You know, that thing that looks like a turkey baster.
- What? We’re outta time already?
- I can’t believe this, boy, time sure flies when I’m telling stories, doesn’t it?
- Tune in tomorrow when my guest will be Chef Sol Wong and cartoon show host, Ranger Joe Gladstone.
- Becky, enjoy your babies. Don’t worry, the show’s in good hands.
- So long, San Francisco.
- Well, pretty good show, huh, Mr. Strowbridge?
- – You need a co-host. – A co-host?
- Yeah, someone to compliment you.
- Why? I compliment myself all the time. Watch this, good show. Nice work, Danny.
- Tanner, I-I’m sure you’re gonna really like Vicky Larson.
- She’s starting tomorrow. Oh, Vicky.
- She’s starting tomorrow?
- Hi.
- Tomorrow works for me.
- Hi, there, I’m, uh, I’m Danny Tanner. Welcome to my world.
- Oh, It’s nice to meet you, Danny.
- Alright, you two, so talk, mingle make chemistry.
- So, have you ever done a morning talk show before?
- Well, no, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t–
- Well, don’t you worry about a thing.
- I am gonna teach you everything I know.
- For instance, words like, uh, “Speaking of”
- can smoothly get you from one subject to another.
- That’s what we people in talk-show biz call a segue.
- Segue, I think I got it.
- Ah, Vicky, they want you in wardrobe.
- Ah, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.
- Oh! “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Now, that’s an excellent way to end the show up. Boy, you’re catching on already.
- There. Doesn’t that feel much better without those hospital bracelets?
- You’re allowed to take ‘em off?
- Yeah, well, it’s not like they’re mattress tags.
- Well, how do you tell ‘em apart?
- Oh, it’s easy, Nicky’s in the mint-green booties, yes.
- And Alex is in the peach ones. Hi, sweetie.
- Listen, will you girls do me a favor and entertain the boys while I put these hospital bracelets in their baby books?
- Sure.
- Now, don’t you guys dare do anything cute while I’m gone. Okay?
- Okay, let’s play with them. I’ll take Alexander you take Nicky.
- Okay, switch.
- Okay, daddy’s back.
- Come on, D.J., let’s put the laundry away. Won’t that be fun?
- Steph, it’s me.
- Sorry, I’m better now.
- I’m older now. Want me to hold anything?
- No, no, thanks, Michelle. You-you run along and play, okay?
- That what I always do. Play, play, play.
- What? What was that?
- Oh, you want me to take off those girlie booties.
- Hey, guys, I don’t-I don’t blame you.
- They’re outta here. There we go.
- Now we can go back to being real men.
- This little piggy went to market.
- This little piggy, uh, rode his Harley Davidson.
- Oh, Jess. Alexander needs to be nursed. Do you want to bring him in the other room for me?
- Okay, Alexander needs to be nursed.
- Where did your bracelets go?
- Hey, Beck.
- You guys wait here. Stay out of the fridge.
- Beck, what happened to the babies bracelets?
- Oh, I took ‘em off and put ‘em in their baby books.
- – How are we tell ‘em apart? – Oh, It’s simple.
- Alexander’s in the peach booties and Nicky’s in the mint-green ones.
- Listen, about these booties.. I really think they’re a little girlie for me.
- Jess, my mother made those booties
- and I want my sons to wear them. And I don’t think that’s not too much to ask. Why are you putting me through this?
- Sorry. I’m wrong.
- Ah, no, I-I love those boot.. Any good red-blooded American boy would love to wear those booties.
- In fact, could you call your mother up and ask if she could make a pair for me?
- Oh, I bet she would.
- Now, please go bring me Alexander.
- Alright, guys, we got to put your booties back on.
- Why? Because your mom’s about this far from losing it.
- Okay, Alexander, you had the peach motif. Which..
- Who’s Alexander? Which one-which one of you all..
- Fine, whoever’s Alexander, raise your hand.
- ‘Anyone? Anyone?’
- Oh, my God. I don’t know who’s who.
- I mixed up my own kids.
- Some father. I can just hear it now. You telling your shrink.
- “Oh, we were fine till my old man took off my booties.
- “And I almost spent the rest of my life not knowing if I was me or my brother.”
- Jess, honey, where are you?
- ‘Coming.’
- Uh…eeny, meeny, ma.. You, you’re Alex.
- Here we go. Here we go, Alex.
- Alright, here we go.
- Okay, don’t tell your ma what I did.
- There we are.
- Okay. Coming right out with Alex..
- …or Nicky.
- I’m sorry.
- Whoever you are.
- Morning, Nicky or Alex.
- Morning, Nicky or Alex.
- Listen, I got to find out who’s who now. Now, Nicky, whoever you are, I know you love Elvis
- so give me some kind of sign, okay? Ready?
- ♪ I’m just a hunka hunka burnin’ love ♪
- ♪ I’m just a hunka hunka burnin’ love ♪♪
- Come on, guys, ah, do something. Curl a lip. Anything.
- Morning, Jess.
- Oh, hi, morning.
- Are the babies awake?
- Yeah, yeah, they’re awake. Happy, healthy.. …confident in knowing who they are.
- ‘Oh, honey, look.’
- Nicky burped.
- Oh, and I thought Big Al was the king of burps.
- You better watch out.
- Nicky’s making a run for the crown. ‘Yes, he is.’
- Yeah he is making a run for the crown now.
- Alright, you little gas bag you must be Big Al.
- Okay, what we’re gonna do is we switch. Okay, we’ll switch the booties.
- ♪ Shake shake shake ♪ ♪ Shake shake shake shake your booties ♪♪
- Everybody sing along. Shake your booty.
- Oh, you guys don’t know the song, that’s right.
- You missed the 70’s. Lucky you.
- Now we’re all set. There we go.
- Wait a minute, Becky saw you guys the other way around. So, well I, we’ll just..
- I got it. We simply do this
- and we do this. Ready?
- Badda bing. Badda boom.
- You thought your old man was a dope.
- Alright.
- Now you burped. Guys, you’re messing me up here. I can’t be changing your booties for 18 more years.
- Hi, dad.
- – Hi, mom. – ‘How you doing? ‘
- Fine, fine, you know, I was thinking. You know, wouldn’t it be funny if we accidentally
- mixed up the kids and we really didn’t know who was who?
- Funny?
- That would be horrible.
- I mean, that would be a tragedy.
- I mean, they’d go through life never knowing their true identities.
- And that’s why I will never let that happen.
- Okay, I’m another day older. Could I hold that baby now?
- Jess, I have a feeling she’s never gonna give up on this.
- Ah, I think you’re right. Okay, Michelle. You gotta sit down. I’ll grab you a kid.
- Alright. You sit back up in there. Okay?
- Alright, now remember, you gotta keep your hand behind his head and don’t jostle him, and don’t drop him and..
- Pretty much don’t even move a muscle.
- You’re making me very nervous.
- Sorry. Here you go.
- Look at me, I’m holding a baby.
- Look how happy he is, Michelle.
- That’s because he likes me.
- Well, he’s your little cousin, he looks up to you.
- If you have any questions, talk to me.
- I love you.
- Alright, you two, have a good show.
- Thanks, Mr. Strowbridge.
- Vicky, these are for you.
- That’s very sweet, Bill.
- Now, Vicky, give us some of that Emmy Award winning style.
- You, uh, you won an Emmy?
- Well, actually, I won two of them in DC for investigative reporting.
- I-I thought you said you never did a talk show before.
- That’s true, but I anchored the evening news for five years.
- Wow, why didn’t you, uh tell me that?
- Because you never stopped talking.
- In five, four, three, two..
- Wake up, San Francisco. Hi, I’m Danny Tanner.
- And temporarily filling in for my co-host Rebecca “hurry-back-soon” Donaldson is Vicky Larson.
- Actually, it’s Vicky “I’m gonna be here for four weeks so let’s have a good time” Larson.
- Okay, well, let’s bring out our first guest, shall we?
- He’s the host of the “Ranger Joe” cartoon show.
- Let’s hear it for my good friend Joey Gladstone.
- He’s the greatest guy I know.
- – Hey, Joey. – Hi, Danny, Vicky.
- – Welcome to the show. – Thank you.
- Welcome to the show, Mr. Woodchuck.
- ‘Thanks, Danny. I’ll just watch.’
- Well, Joey’s hosting the cartoon marathon all this week.
- Speaking of cartoons..
- – Like that segue, Danny? – Not bad.
- Joey, do you feel that violence in cartoons today has an adverse effect on our children’s social consciousness?
- – Well, actually, Vicky– – Uh, excuse me, Vicky, please.
- Joey’s just a sweet, loveable, goofy guy.
- Please don’t try and clog his head with this kind of controversial issues.
- Actually, Vicky, I’m glad I finally have the chance to articulate my position.
- Articulate?
- Yes, I’ve given this issue a lot of thought and while violence is certainly endemic to our society
- on my show, I only run cartoons where the violence is non-reality based.
- That is to say, if we see a mouse drop a battleship on a cat
- the emulation of that act by a small child would be virtually impossible.
- That’s a fascinating observation.
- Yeah, especially coming from a man who plays Jingle Bells on his armpits.
- We’ll be back with more Ranger Joe, Ph.D.
- And we’re clear.
- Great interview, Joey.
- Oh, thanks, Vicky. You know, you’re really wonderful.
- Thank you. Excuse me.
- What do you, what do you mean, she’s wonderful? She’s overbearing, abrasive, and arrogant.
- Man, you are so hot for her.
- I know. She’s going to drive me nuts.
- Okay, ready for round two?
- Yep, let’s get it on.
- I mean, let’s get on with it. The show.
- Hi, we’re back.
- And we’re talking with the cartoon show host..
- Here you go, Uncle Jesse. My “Junior Detective” kit.
- Shh. Keep your voice down.
- Why? What do you need this for?
- I can’t tell you.
- Then I can’t let you use it.
- Alright, girls, I’m going to tell you a secret but you can’t tell Becky.
- Because, well, you know how she’s been.
- Nuts?
- Well, she hasn’t been nuts. She’s.. Yeah, nuts.
- Yeah, she’s been nuts.
- What happened was, I mixed the twins up and I can’t tell who’s who.
- (in unison) What?
- They’re your own kids. Even baboons know their own babies.
- Out!
- Ooh! Sore spot.
- Alright, this is what we do.
- What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna take a footprint of one of the babies and I’m gonna compare it to the original in the birth certificate
- Right here, okay.
- Deej, get the ink out. I’ll take, uh..
- …whoever you are.
- Alrighty. Here we go.
- Here we go. Okay, ready?
- And ink him.
- Son, this better be your last set of prints.
- Look at that, see?
- Alright, now, we just compare it with the original and we’ll be Jake.
- (Becky) ‘Hey, where is everybody?’
- We’re in here!
- Shh! Stephanie.
- No, we’re not!
- Look at this.
- Becky’s going to see this. D.J., help me, uh.
- Uh, let’s put his foot in my pocket.
- Oh, here you are. Jess, it’s time to feed the boys.
- Uh, I think I hear dad calling.
- Coming, dad!
- Dad’s at the store.
- You are really having a bad day.
- Jess, is-is there some reason that our son’s foot is in your pocket?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, there’s a-there’s a.. There’s a-there’s a perfectly, perfectly good reason.
- And-and that is because, uh..
- Well, well, because he kicked his bootie off and-and he.. I wanted to keep his foot warm.
- There you go. There’s a.. There’s a perfectly good reason.
- Is there a perfectly good reason that his foot’s covered with ink?
- Where’s my head today? I must have left another ink pad in my pocket.
- Why don’t you tell me the truth?
- Well, the truth is.
- I was taking his footprints because I took their booties off
- and…now I can’t tell them apart.
- Some great dad, huh?
- Even baboons can tell their kids apart.
- Honey, why didn’t you tell me?
- I was just trying to avoid the mother of all mood swings.
- Honey, I know I’ve been real crazy lately but if there’s some problem with our kids, you have to tell me so we can work it out together.
- I know, I just.. I just want to be the perfect dad, that’s all.
- There is no such thing as the perfect dad.
- But you’re gonna be a great dad. And you’re already a great husband.
- And I love you.
- Have mercy.
- Well, we’re doing pretty good so far. I mean, our kids are happy, they’re healthy.
- We just don’t know who the heck they are.
- But I’m gonna find out right now. Alright.
- Now, let’s see. This one..
- See, he’s got a little squiggle here and a little squig..
- We have a match.
- You, you with the inky foot, my friend..
- …are Big Al.
- ‘Isn’t that great news, guys?’
- ‘Eh, they’re so excited, they’re speechless.’
- Fellas, I’ve been going crazy all day.
- I found out who you are. You’re Al. You’re Nicky.
- それはひどい ただ…
- ああ キレてる
- 実は双子がごっちゃで 判別不能だ
- ウソ！
- 我が子でしょ マントヒヒだって見分ける
- 退場！
- 地雷 踏んだか
- 手伝ってくれ
- 足型を取って これと比べるんだ
- 出世証明書だ
- インクを出してくれ まず…
- どっちでもいい
- はい こっちへおいで
- はい こっちへおいで 位置につけ
- 用意… 塗れ
- 警察には指紋を採られるな
- 出来た
- 証明書と比べれば解決だ
- みんな どこ？
- ここよ
- ステフ！
- いないよ
- ヤバい
- ＤＪ 手伝って
- 足をポケットに
- ここね また授乳の時間よ
- パパが呼ぶ声がした
- 今行く！
- パパは買い物よ
- あとで覚悟しな
- 足がポケットに 入ってるけど 何で？
- これにはちゃんとした 理由があるんだ
- というのは…
- すぐ靴下を脱ぐから こうして温める
- ちゃんとした理由だろ
- このインクにも ちゃんとした理由が？
- ポケットに スタンプ台が入ってた
- 正直に話して
- 話すよ
- 足型を取ったんだ 昨日 靴下を脱がして―
- 足型を取ったんだ 昨日 靴下を脱がして― 見分けがつかない
- 情けない親だ
- マントヒヒにも負ける
- なぜ隠したの？
- 感情の津波が怖かったから
- それでも子供のことは 二人で一緒に解決しなきゃ
- 何とかして完ぺきな親を 演じたかった
- 完ぺきな親なんか いない
- でも いいパパになるわ いい夫だしね
- 愛してる
- たまんねえ
- 今のとこ 順調だ 子供たちは元気
- 区別不能だが
- それもすぐ分かる
- 比べてみよう
- この線が曲がってる
- 大当たりだ
- インクがついてる君
- 君がアレックス
- よかったな
- 感激で言葉もないか
- さんざん苦労したぞ
- さんざん苦労したぞ アレックスと ニッキーだな
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