- Good morning to you, too.
- – I want my pink sweater. – What pink sweater?
- The one you were in love with. The one you’ve always wanted.
- The one I heard you talking to Michelle about. The one that’s not in my closet.
- Oh. That pink sweater. Sorry. Haven’t seen it.
- Excuse me. Do you think this color looks good on me?
- I think someone owes me an apology.
- I think somebody owes me a sweater.
- I think someone better get out of here!
- Well, dad.. …thanks for another stimulating driving lesson.
- Around the block for the zillionth time.
- Now, now, Deej, you’re becoming quite the little motorist, honey.
- You really are. You-you use your mirrors well. Your parallel parking is very good. And you always remember to signal.
- So, I’m ready for the freeway?
- No! No. No. No.
- No way, honey, you, uh, you haven’t mastered U-turns and your yields are shaky I’m still not happy with the way you defrost.
- I don’t believe you. I’m asking daddy.
- Asking daddy what?
- Michelle, go ahead, but I told you.. …there is no such thing as a Norwegian goat boy.
- A Norwegian goat boy?
- See, the boy with the horns eating the tin can?
- Steph, I told you to stop wasting your allowance on junk like..
- Whoa. Are those udders?
- Is the Norwegian goat boy going to come to our house?
- Of course not, honey. If any goat boy’s coming to our house it’s gonna be the San Francisco goat boy.
- Oh, no! I’m out of here!
- Michelle, I was just kidding. There’s no such thing as a goat boy.
- – ‘Michelle.’ – Alright, boys. Okay, yeah, this is it the moment we’ve all been waiting for.
- They’re potty trained?
- I wish. Okay.
- No, it’s time for Jesse and Joey’s radio show.
- “The Rush Hour Renegades.” (Jesse on radio) ‘Congratulations, Bob, You’ve won two pounds’
- Yes, who is that? Who’s that?
- – Daddy. – Daddy.
- Daddy. Ahh!
- You know, I bet our listeners are wondering why the heck are we giving away ice.
- Because we ran out of pocket protectors.
- Oh no, you’d think that. Yeah, you’d think that.
- No, it’s actually our way of reminding everyone that I’ll be playing in the Bay City Charity Foundation Hockey Game
- this Saturday at Iceoplex.
- Yes and I, Jesse Katsopolis will be announcing the game right here on KFLH.
- You know, uh, Jess, no offense but it is kind of traditional for hockey announcers to know something about the game of ice hockey.
- Come on, Joe, what’s to know?
- A bunch of toothless guys hitting a little round thing into a net thing. Piece of cake.
- Well, at least you got the technical terms down.
- – You get that going for you. – Which is a plus.
- – Which is nice. Oh, yeah. – Here’s our guest right now.
- Come on in. This is one of our sponsors.
- Uh, this is Hershel Binkley, of Giant Binkley used cars
- “Where credit’s never a problem “as long as you have hard cash.”
- – Hi. Good to see you, Hersh. – Hi, fellas.
- Uh, I should also point out that, uh, Hershel is the goalie for the team I’m playing against on Saturday.
- That’s right, Joey. It’s great to see you again, my friend. You don’t remember me, do you?
- Let’s see, are you the guy who sold me the ’74 Gremlin with the burrito in the glove compartment?
- Maybe this’ll bring something back for you.
- Stonewall!
- That’s right. College state championship.
- ‘One minute to play, your team’s down a goal.’
- You get the puck. Come in to me alone. You fake left, you shoot right.
- What happened then, Gladstone?
- Yeah. What happened then, Gladstone?
- Go ahead, tell him.
- Uh, there’s nothing to tell. It happened a long time ago.
- What happened was I stopped your shot. We won the championship. And you lost it. I was a hero!
- You…were a bum.
- I gotta tell you I’m looking forward to humiliating you all over again.
- Uh-ha, ha, ha. Hold it, stonehead.
- – Stonewall. – Whatever.
- Listen, you don’t just waltz in here and make fun of my pal, here. You know who you’re dealing with?
- This guy do all your talking for you, Gladstone?
- No, I don’t do all his talking for him, do I, Joey?
- Well, maybe a word here and there, yeah.
- You know, Gladstone, you have always been pathetic.
- Oh yeah, you think he was pathetic then? You ought to see my boy now.
- Jess, you’re not helping.
- Uh, look, it-it’s just a charity game. Let’s just go out there and have a little fun.
- Well, if your idea of fun is losing you’re gonna have a great time. Because, Gladstone, you’re a loser.
- Oh, yeah. And you’re a jerk.
- – And you got split ends. – Now, that’s where you go–
- Okay, Jess, Jess.
- Dad, you’re being so unfair. Kimmy’s dad took her out on the freeway.
- And he brought her back?
- Danny, she’ll be fine. Just avoid rush hour.
- Yeah, you’re right. Okay, Deej. Set your alarm for 3:00 a.m.
- Great. I’ll have the whole road to myself. We’ll finally see what that Taurus can do.
- Deej, first let’s discuss what the Taurus cannot do.
- Michelle, trust me. It’s okay.
- Check near the garbage. See if the goat boy is there.
- Sweetheart, Michelle.
- Come here. We talked about this.
- I told you, there is no goat boy.
- It’s just a person in a costume. It’s like on Halloween.
- You mean, he’s coming here to trick or treat?
- Dad, let me take a crack at this.
- Michelle, the goat boy can never get out of Norway because goats can’t ride on planes.
- – Why not? – Well..
- They can never get through the metal detector after eating all those tin cans.
- Oh. Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?
- When you get on that ice you gotta destroy that punk.
- Uh, Jess, I’ve been thinking about it. I’m not even gonna play the game.
- What?
- You guys should have heard, this guy comes down to the station dumps all over Joey about this hockey game and Joey just sits there and takes it.
- Yeah, I know, I heard, but you know everyone has their own way of handling things and Joey’s not the confrontational type and we should respect there.
- I mean, like last night when we were out to dinner and you got that bug in your salad
- you didn’t make a big fuss, you just went on eating.
- Bug? I thought it was a bacon bit.
- It just kills me that you won’t stand up to this Stonewall guy.
- Stonewall? That goalie from college who totally humiliate..
- So you saw old Stonewall.
- Look, let’s just forget about it, okay? It was a meaningless game that happened 15 years ago.
- – Bread, Joey? – I’m not hungry, Steph.
- Come on, Joey, don’t you want another chance to get out on the ice and score the winning goal against that loudmouth?
- Yeah, of course, I would.
- So, do it. What’s your problem?
- Look, I’m not playing in this game. This whole thing is turning into one big grudge match.
- I don’t get you, man. If I were you, I’d wipe the ice with that guy.
- Okay, I’ll admit it. I don’t want to face Binkley again.
- When I was in college, he embarrassed me in front of all my friends and my family. I don’t need to go through that again.
- Well, you shouldn’t have to.
- Come on, Jess. If he doesn’t wanna play, it’s his choice.
- You’re right. I’m sorry, pal.
- I got an idea, why don’t we just go to the ice skating rink tomorrow and just skate for the fun of it like we used to?
- Yeah. That’s a really good idea.
- Okay. What do you say, Joey?
- I say fine.
- Why don’t you, uh, why don’t you pass me the bread? And, uh, casserole, a little salad, please.
- Thank you, thank you. Keep it coming.
- It’s okay.
- Uncle Jesse, come on.
- Yeah, get out here.
- Come on. You’re missing all the fun.
- It’s so easy.
- Just don’t let go.
- It’s okay guys. I’m just-just warming up a bit. Go ahead. Go have fun. Go, go, go.
- – Alright. – Don’t worry about me.
- Come on, Michelle. Don’t be scared.
- …try to do what I do, okay?
- What the h-heck are you doing?
- Hey. How’s it going?
- I’m fine. I’m just warming up a little.
- – So? – I feel like an idiot.
- Why, ‘cause you’re dressed for hoodlums on ice?
- No, ‘cause I haven’t done this since I was a kid.
- Yeah, I know how it feel. It’s been a long time for me, too.
- Hope I’m not rusty out there. See, you in a little bit.
- Yeah, here we go.
- [sighs] Man.
- – Real rusty, twinkle toes. – Yeah, I know.
- Hardly got any height on that double axle.
- Okay, everybody, it’s time for crack the whip.
- – Crack the what? – ‘You’re not scared, are you?’
- – Scared? – ‘Come on, let’s go.’
- – Alright. Let’s go. – Okay, hold hands, everybody.
- – Cracking the whip. – Okay, let’s go.
- Isn’t this fun, Jess? Jess?
- Where are the brakes on these things?
- Ow.
- I think we might’ve put a little too much crack in that whip.
- Let’s go, you guys.
- Just tell me one thing.
- My hair messed up?
- No, but the rest of you is kind of bent.
- Hey, Gladstone. How’s America’s worst hockey player?
- I heard you dropped out of the game. Smart move.
- You know, you should’ve tried that 15 years ago.
- You might’ve saved yourself some embarrassment.
- Alright. That’s it. That’s it!
- If I could get up, you’d be in big trouble.
- Hey, Blinkley, is your life so pathetic and empty that you have to live in the past?
- Well.. …yeah.
- That’s why I was looking forward to humiliating Gladstone again.
- I could live off that for another 15 years.
- Okay, I’ve had it, this has been eating me up inside for too long.
- Binkley, Saturday afternoon this is you!
- This is great, I can’t believe you’re actually letting me drive to the hockey game on the freeway.
- And I have total confidence in you, sweetheart.
- But first let’s just discuss the different lanes once more.
- Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Now, what do you call the far left lane?
- The entirely too fast lane.
- Good. Now, see? This isn’t so difficult. What do you call the middle lane?
- The still much too fast lane.
- Excellent. And now, what do we call the far right lane?
- The geeks and nerds lane?
- D.J., if you want we can go right back out there and just drive around the block again.
- Hey, I’m a geek, I’m a nerd. Give me the keys.
- – Hi, Steve. – Hey.
- Hey, Steve, you know, we gotta go. Could you excuse us for a second? The refrigerator is right where you left it this morning.
- Actually, Mr. Tanner, I know you’re finally letting D.J. drive on the freeway, and I wanted to be there for her first merge.
- Isn’t he romantic?
- Hey, no merging in my kitchen.
- Steve, you know if you want you can just run alongside the car? Would you mind doing that?
- “When a minor penalty “is assessed to a goaltender, the..”
- Guys. I’m trying to study the rules of hockey. I have to announce the game.
- You want your old man to look like an idiot?
- I guess you do. I guess you do.
- Okay, Kimmy, feed the boys around 3:00 and we should be home about 5:00. Any questions?
- Yes. My usual rate is five bucks an hour. But you have twins. So, shouldn’t I get ten?
- Okay, Kimmy, I’ll give you ten, but you pay for your own food.
- Five works for me.
- Listen guys, you keep an eye on her. If she gets near my hair care center, bite her ankles.
- Hey, half pints.
- Hey, half wit.
- So, kid, still hiding from the goat boy?
- There’s no such thing as goat boys if you wanna know.
- Okay, but check this out.
- Half man, half dog, The Muttman.
- No!
- He chases cars and drives away in them?
- What if he drives to our house?
- Steph, give me that.
- Michelle, there’s no such thing as a half man, half dog.
- Grrr! I am psyched for this game.
- I’m going to rip off Binkley’s head chew him up, and spit him out.
- – Grrr. – Oh, mama!
- Michelle!
- What did I say?
- Michelle!
- Hey, Comet, have you seen Michelle?
- Okay. I’m right behind you.
- Michelle, I’m not The Muttman.
- Yes, you are. I see your paws.
- Michelle, that’s Comet.
- Comet, can we be alone, please?
- There’s a “Lassie” rerun on.
- Michelle, I’m not a dog. Can you please come out?
- Okay.
- But how come you were growling and saying mean things?
- Well, Michelle, that’s a big part of playing sports. It’s called being competitive.
- You see, you just pretend that you’re mean and scary so the players in the other team will be afraid of you.
- Well, you’re doing a good job because I’m afraid.
- I like it better when you’re nice.
- I like it better when I’m nice, too. I promise I won’t be mean and scary ever again.
- – Really? – ‘Absolutely.’
- Come here.
- Attagirl.
- Hey, you know me. I’d never hurt a fly.
- You know your old buddy Kermit, the frog “I’d never hurt a fly I might eat one now and then
- “but I’d never hurt one. “So, what do you say, let’s hop to it, Miss Piggy?”
- Okay, Kermie, you’re my hero.
- That’s a really good piggy.
- Yeah. Ahem. Whoops! I’ve got a frog in my throat.
- Alright. Here we are in the second quarter…period, uh..
- …third…some hunk of the game and, uh.. …but I do know the score’s, um..
- ‘Four-four. The score’s four-four here today’ ‘and the big guys are out there hitting the sticks around.’
- They’re smacking the, um..
- …puck. They’re hitting the puck around. It’s really fantastic. I-I wish you guys were down here because, uh..
- …maybe you could explain it to me.. …because I don’t..
- – Whoa. – ‘Oh! Did you see that?’ ‘Blinkley pushed down Gladstone.’
- ‘Binkley’s gonna get it now.’ ‘Gladstone’s gonna give it to him any second.’
- ‘Uh, maybe not.’ ‘It-It looked like Gladstone was gonna give it to Blinkley.’
- I wonder if fighting is allowed in hockey.
- Hey, Jess, do you need any help with the play by play?
- – From you? – Come on, Jess.
- You don’t even know what color the blue line is.
- I do, too.
- It’s blue, right?
- Okay, Burkhart clears it to the center where it’s picked up by Burswood’s who’s pole-checked by Guiles who takes the puck the other away.
- Aren’t you glad I grew up with five hockey-crazed brothers.
- He breaks away from the defense man, shoots from the corner..
- It’s saved by Binkley who quickly slides the puck into the corner.
- My wife.
- Where have you been?
- On the side of the road, talking to the highway patrol.
- You got a speeding ticket your first time on the freeway? Cool!
- Not that cool. I got a ticket for driving too slow.
- I was clocked doing 23 in a 55.
- Hey, that cop was way off. You were doing at least 32.
- Hey, that’s right ‘cause you started hyperventilating as soon as she hit 30.
- I wonder how Joey’s doing.
- (Jesse) ‘I don’t know much about hockey’ ‘but I sure know Joey ain’t playing it.’
- Someone pulled a fire alarm again?
- No. That’s the end of the second period and the score is four-four.
- That’s a tie.
- How’s it going, Joey?
- Michelle, haven’t you been watching the game? I’m not playing very well.
- I know. I didn’t wanna mention it.
- Remember how we agreed that it’s wrong to play like a meanie?
- Yeah.
- It’s also wrong to play like a weenie.
- Michelle, hockey’s like anything else.
- You play your best when you find something in the middle of being a meanie and a weenie.
- So would it be okay if I play like an in-betweenie?
- Call it whatever you want, but just play better.
- Okay, pal. This one’s for you.
- Alright.
- For good luck, right?
- Okay, I’ll get him.
- (Rebecca) ‘Well, this third period’s almost over’ ‘and the score is still four to four.’
- ‘But the big news is something amazing’ has happened to Joey Gladstone.
- You are correct, Becky.
- What-what amazing has happened to him?
- Well, Jess, he’s stick handling beautifully.
- – Right. – Making crisp passes.
- – Hard, clean shots. – Yes. I thought so.
- Whoa! Look at that!
- ‘Gladstone skates past the defense, and he’s in the clear.’
- ‘There’s five seconds left. He’s got a break-away!’ ‘It’s just Gladstone and Binkley.’
- ‘Joey’s pulled down and the shot is saved by Stonewall.’
- Way to go, Gladstone.
- (Jesse) ‘I know what that means. That means the game is over.’
- Ladies and gentlemen, it ends in a four-four tie.
- – No, it doesn’t. – It doesn’t.
- Even though we’re out of time because Joey was pulled down on a break away they are giving him a a penalty shot.
- Hah! I knew that, folks.
- Gladstone gets to go one-on-one against the goaltender Hershel Binkley.
- – Come on, Joey. – Come on, Joey. – Come on, Joey. – Come on, Joey.
- Go get him, Joey.
- (Rebecca) ‘This shot is for all the marbles.’
- ‘If Gladstone scores, his team wins.’
- It all comes down to this.
- This…is where it all comes down to.
- (Rebecca) ‘He scores!’
- ‘Do you believe it? A miracle!’
- Joey! Alright!
- Hey! Whoa! Whoa! That’s fine. Let’s go.
- Joey! Come on, sweetie. Come on, girls.
- – Alright, Joey! – Whoa-a-a.
- – We did it! – We did it! Yeah!
- Alright! I did it, Michelle. I did it.
- 結局 ４対４の引き分け
- 違う 違った
- ペナルティー･ショットが ジョーイに与えられるわ
- だと思った
- さあ キーパーとの 真剣勝負の始まりよ
- ジョーイ しっかりいけよ
- 頑張れ
- 最後の一打
- 入れば勝ちよ
- これで決まる
- すべてが決まります
- 入った！
- 奇跡が起こった！
- ジョーイ いいぞ！
- 離れろ 下へ行こう
- 行くよ
- よくやった
- 勝った！
- やったぞ ミシェル
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