- Now, Michelle, this is George Michael.
- Cute.
- He was cute when he was with Wham! He’s graduated to rad.
- Rad.
- Now, this is Michael J. Fox.
- The bad news is he’s married. The good new is, he’s our size.
- Now, out of all these pictures pick the cutest guy.
- Big Bird.
- Big Bird?
- No one even knows if he’s a guy.
- Oh, good work, Michelle. I am very proud of you.
- Now.
- Honey, now I’m gonna teach you the Tanner family motto.
- “Clean is good and dirt is bad.”
- Dirt bad.
- The future is in good hands.
- Stop! I just finished cleaning the floors.
- Daniel, something to think about. If you hang a vine up here we can swing in like Tarzan.
- – We’re trapped. – No, no, we’re not.
- Observe, Joseph.
- Jess, don’t get any dirt on the paper towels.
- “Dirt on the paper towels. Dirt on the paper towels.”
- Look at those nutty guys, Michelle.
- If it wasn’t for me, Joey and Jesse would never have met.
- Now, they’re inseparable. Isn’t life ironic?
- Yup!
- (D.J.) ‘Dad, we’re home.’
- Stop.
- Dirt bad.
- No. Dad taught Michelle the Tanner family motto.
- Deej, I’m working on a new Tanner family motto.
- Don’t make fun of dad until you can afford your own apartment.
- Okay, here we go, Michelle. Good girl.
- These are for you.
- Come on, Harry, let’s do our math homework.
- Forget it. I can’t learn subtraction.
- I’m gonna quit school and join the Boy Scouts.
- I don’t want my boyfriend to be a first-grade dropout.
- How embarrassing.
- Okay, look, if you have four oranges.
- And then you take away two. How many do you have left?
- – Two. – That’s subtraction.
- – Very good, Harry. – Thanks, D.J.
- You’re the smartest woman in the world.
- Oh, yeah, four minus two. Real genius.
- D.J., can you tell me where babies come from?
- Harry, stick to fruit.
- Well, Jess, here we go. Our first cup of coffee in our new office.
- Alright, Joseph, here’s to Double J Creative Services.
- Well, next time, we gotta remember to plug that coffee machine in.
- Alright, Joseph, now that we’re using your room as our office
- we gonna have to do a little redecoration in this joint.
- Look at this place, you got hockey dummies you got puppets nailed to the wall
- you got Mr. Potato Head here.
- Hey, come on, it makes the room fun.
- Fun? Joey, this is not fun to me. It’s like working in Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.
- That’s right, boys and girls.
- And today’s secret word is, office.
- Joey, I’m seri.. I’m serious.
- I know you are, but what am I?
- Alright! Alright, I give up with you.
- Hey, I like what you’ve done with your office.
- Office!
- Joseph, you are a knuckle head.
- Oh, come on now. Cut it out!
- Hey, Joey. It’s Jesse’s turn to babysit tonight.
- Why don’t we grab a bite in China Town and go catch a movie?
- Sounds great, why don’t we pick up some pizza first and play some pool?
- Hello.
- Hi, man.
- Hold on. Jesse!
- Well, it looks like we found ourselves a secretary.
- Thank you, Michelle.
- Hello. Double J Creative Services, J speaking.
- Joey, it’s the boss.
- Yes, sir. What’s up, Mr. Malantesta?
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- What’s wrong?
- Ah, we got a major crisis with the Chippy Chunk Nut Cookie account.
- It seems they found more chunk nuts than chippies in the chewy chocolates so all the chewy chocolates chippy chunk nuts have to be called Nutty Chewy Chunk Chips.
- How can they do that?
- How can they say that?
- Uh, yes sir. We’ll take care of it.
- Thank you, sir.
- Well partner, looks like we’re gonna work tonight.
- – Sorry, Danny. – I’m sorry too.
- I’ve been looking forward to this for at least 30 seconds.
- Hey, why don’t we hang out tomorrow?
- Nah, tomorrow’s bad. I’m supposed to go over next week’s shows with Rebecca.
- I got an idea. I’ll just ask her to move it to Sunday.
- Why don’t we go down to the gym and shoot some hoops like old days?
- Sounds great. Same stakes?
- Yep. Loser does the other guy’s homework.
- – I’ll get it. – Uh-huh.
- We have a secretary now, remember?
- Hi, man. Bye, man.
- That’s it, young lady. You’re fired.
- Pack your stuff and get out of our office.
- – Office. Ahh! – Ahh!
- – Mail call. – Anything for me?
- Uh, let’s see.
- “Resident”, that’s for you.
- “Occupant”, that’s for you.
- “Detergent sample..”
- (together) That’s for dad.
- – Hi, ladies. – Hi, Harry.
- Oh, Harry, an I love you lollipop. You are so sweet.
- Thank you. It’s for D.J.
- You’re in love with D.J.?
- Harry Takiyama, how can this be true?
- Sorry, chief, but ever since yesterday all I want to do is subtract.
- Wanna have lunch tomorrow?
- Uh, thanks for asking, Harry. But lucky for me, I’m having lunch with Kimmy tomorrow.
- No problem. I’ll bring a friend, we’ll double.
- – See ya, honey. – Oh, Harold, honey?
- – Harold? – Bye, chief.
- Don’t call me chief.
- You rat! You skunk!
- You skunky rat!
- You stole my man!
- Man? I have Ken dolls bigger than him.
- Danny, come on. Gumby doesn’t stretch as much as you do.
- Proper warm-up prevents injury.
- Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go.
- – Play ball. – Alright.
- Hey, look, the girls locker room’s open.
- The only reason I still fall for that is because the one time it really was open.
- – Okay, your ball out. – Okay.
- Oh! Look, a glacier passed by the window.
- Isn’t this great? It’s just like the old days.
- I’m still taller then you.
- Remember the last time we played?
- July 29th, 1972. It was raining.
- You got mad because I fouled you with my umbrella.
- – Joseph. – Hey, Jess, what’s up?
- Guys, we’re in the middle of a game.
- Traveling. My ball.
- Great news, pal. We saved the cookie account.
- That is great news.
- Danny, uh, my mom’s watching the girls. I’m going over to Hippo’s.
- A bunch of us from the agency are gonna celebrate the way
- we turned Chippy Chunk-nuts into Nutty-Chewy Chunk Chips.
- Hey, I’m your partner. I’m going with you.
- – Bye, Danny. – Uh, Jesse.
- I promised Danny that I’d play basketball–
- Oh, no, no. Don’t let me ruin your fun.
- Go, party with strangers.
- Hold on, Jesse. Danny, we’ll play sudden death.
- We’ll finish the game. Next basket wins.
- Thanks for squeezing me in, pal.
- – Hurry up. I’ll wait for you. – Alright. Here we go.
- Foul on the big man. I got wristing.
- Wristing? What the heck is wristing?
- You hit me on the wrist. You got a better name for it?
- I hit all ball.
- Jesse, you saw it. Did I wrist him?
- Pal, you did hit him on the wrist. So if there’s such a thing as wristing I’d have to say, yes, you wristed him.
- Oh, okay, fine. Take his side.
- What else is new? Thanks for the game.
- It’s nice hanging out with you. Real quality time.
- Danny, we’ll play later. What’s the big deal?
- If I have to explain it, then, I don’t know why we were friends in the first place.
- Danny, you’re acting like a little kid.
- I am not. Now, give me back my ball.
- Hi, D.J.
- Michelle, what are you doing in here?
- I don’t know.
- Here’s the rest of your stuff, Michelle. Thanks for switching rooms with me.
- Stephanie, there’s no way I’m sharing a room with a two-year-old.
- There’s no way I’m sharing a room with a no-good skunky, ratty, rotten, lame-oid boyfriend stealer.
- Would you get off this?
- Harry’s a first-grade kid with a crush on an attractive older woman.
- Watch out, Michelle. She’ll be your best buddy until you’ve got something she wants.
- And then nothing is safe.
- Michelle, don’t believe her. You know you can trust me.
- My bunny.
- Well, it had to happen. The vacuum cleaner finally turned on him.
- Danny, what’s going on with you? Why’d you walk off the court today?
- Oh, no, you don’t. Don’t give me the vacuum treatment.
- Hey, never pull my plug when I’m cleaning.
- Never point your finger at me unless I’ve food on my face.
- – Never tell me what to do– – Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
- Fred, Ethel.
- Look, man, are you guys gonna let a basketball game break up a 20 year friendship?
- The only reason we became friends in the first place was because the day we met, I saved his butt.
- Oh, you got that all backwards, Jack. I saved your butt.
- Excuse me, but if my memory serves me
- and it always does, it happened exactly like this.
- We were in the fifth grade. We just finished lunch.
- I remember, it was macaroni and cheese and Jell-O cubes.
- No, wait a second, I traded the Jell-O cubes for succotash.
- I don’t like Jell-O cubes
- ‘cause they got pieces of fruit, they get stuck in your teeth.
- Just tell the story, huh?
- Okay. The year was 1968.
- We were sitting in front of school on a bench.
- (Danny) My nose was bleeding…again.
- Off to a bad start at your new school, Joseph Gladstone.
- Clowns belong in the circus, not in the schoolyard.
- Now, unless you wanna be suspended on your first day
- sit right here and don’t move a muscle.
- How’s that nosebleed, Daniel?
- Clotting nicely. Thank you, Miss Borland.
- Who wants a kiss?
- [chuckles] What’s the matter? Doofy Danny got a boo-boo?
- You threw the ball at my head when I wasn’t looking.
- Oh, well, you’re looking now.
- Made you flinch.
- Hey, I, uh, like your hair.
- – Thanks. – Who cuts it, Roto-Rooter?
- – Oh, yeah? – Good comeback.
- Is that your head, or did your neck blow a bubble?
- Hey, thank you, thank you. Cut it out.
- Where’d you get all those great jokes?
- This book, “A Thousand and One Insults.” Pretty groovy, huh?
- Hey, one at a time.
- There’s the kid who was picking on me.
- That’s it. I’m calling your parents.
- – But– – Wait, Miss Borland. That boy’s lying. Joseph has been a perfect angel.
- Tanner’s the liar.
- That’s not possible.
- Daniel Tanner’s never been in trouble a day in his life.
- Let’s you and I visit the principal, Sheldon.
- (together) Sheldon?
- Thanks, man. You saved my life.
- – You saved me first. – We saved each other.
- That means we’re soul brothers.
- To make it official, we each have to bury something real important to us.
- Bury something?
- Won’t we get dirty?
- It’s okay, I’ll be careful.
- Good. Let’s do the soul shake.
- Until you learn to stop chasing the girls, Jesse Katsopolis..
- …you’re gonna sit right here with me.
- Have mercy.
- I remember that teacher.
- I used to have fantasies about Miss Borland dancing on “Laugh-In” with sock it to me painted on her tummy.
- Sorry. Anyway. That was a beautiful story, man
- you guys were there for each other.
- Were there for each other.
- I should have let Sheldon cream you.
- Come on, guys, don’t you realize how lucky you are?
- I mean, I wish I had one good friend all these years.
- You have history. You guys buried something together.
- You’re soul brothers.
- All in the past.
- I’m gonna dig up that box we buried ‘cause I don’t want my stuff resting next to yours for all eternity.
- Well, I’m going with you because I want my stuff too and I don’t remember where we buried it.
- Well, that just says it all.
- Miss Borland. I wonder if I still have her number.
- Sorry, Michelle, but you can’t live here.
- Now, go back to your room.
- No, this is my room. You live with D.J. now.
- Michelle, don’t listen to her. Go back to your room.
- What a day?
- Hi, Steph. Hi, honey.
- – Your boyfriend’s here. – He is not my boyfriend.
- All I did was teach him how to subtract.
- You hypnotized him with oranges and you put him in a love trance.
- Alright. Enough of this. Everybody step into my room. We’re gonna play a game of Junior Love Connection. Come on.
- I’d rather play Divorce Court.
- Michelle, what are you doing? Don’t read my mail.
- That’s personal. What am I saying?
- Alright. Come on, now. You go to your own little room, okay?
- What room?
- Oh! First she reads my mail, then she gives me lip.
- Come on, get out of here.
- Alright. D.J., Harry, come here.
- Now, D.J., as nicely as you can tell Harry how you really feel about him.
- Kid, you don’t have a prayer.
- Nicer, huh?
- Look, Harry, don’t blow a good thing.
- You already have a great girl right here, Stephanie Tanner.
- Sorry, chief. Forgive me?
- In your dreams.
- What Harry is trying to say is, I’ve made a big mistake.
- The biggest mistake of my life.
- Come on, chief. Don’t forget the good old days. Kindergarten.
- Please, I’m begging you. Take me back. Take me back.
- Oh, Harry, I forgive you.
- Oh, I’m so happy. Shake.
- There you go.
- Okay, you’re my boyfriend again.
- Great. Aw. What was that for?
- You’re it!
- Love is weird.
- Trust me, babe. It gets a lot weirder.
- Danny, come on, you dig slower than you play basketball.
- There goes that glacier again.
- You think you can do better? Here. You dig.
- Okay. I hit something.
- I don’t believe this.
- – Wow. – This is it.
- Oh, man.
- It’s my old Giants cap.
- My very first insult book.
- What’s this?
- That’s the pledge. I forgot all about this.
- “This is to prove that on February 23rd, 1968
- “we pledge on our most sacred possessions
- “to be soul brothers for life even if one guy moves
- “real far away. Right on.
- “Get down. Stay funky.
- Signed, Daniel Ernest Tanner and Joseph Alvin Gladstone.”
- We have horrible middle names.
- The worst. But we kept this pledge, didn’t we?
- It’s amazing. When we were growing up.
- Man, we did everything together.
- We’re still doing everything together.
- Yeah, but…Joey..
- it’s not the same.
- I feel really stupid saying this, but, uh..
- …ever since you and Jesse became good buddies.. …and now you’re partners..
- …I don’t know, I feel…left out.
- Is that what this is all about? Why didn’t you just tell me this in the first place?
- I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea. I’m glad you and Jesse are friends.
- I just miss the way our friendship used to be.
- Danny, I live in your house. I’m helping you raise your girls.
- I’ve always been your best friend and I’ll always be your best friend. Says so right here in the pledge.
- I’ve been acting like a jerk.
- No. Yes, you have.
- But you had a good reason. Danny, I’m sorry, I’ve been taking our friendship for granted.
- But just remember this. No matter what happens, we’re always there for each other.
- Hey, what do you say we’d bury this stuff again and come back when we’re little old men and dig it up.
- Yeah, by then, I’ll be so shriveled up this cap might fit me.
- – Okay. Here’s my cap. – My book.
- The pledge.
- Wait a minute. Something’s missing here.
- You guys are nuts, man, I had to stash the girls at the Gibblers’ rush down here just to bring you my blow dryer?
- Sorry, we needed your most prized possession.
- Sign here.
- “This is to prove that Danny T., Joey G. and Jesse K.
- are official soul brothers, pals and best friends forever.”
- Oh, you guys don’t have to do this.
- – I mean, this is your thing. – Now, it’s our thing.
- We’re all in this together.
- Thank you, guys. I’m touched. But my blow dryer?
- But if my hair looks like hell tomorrow I’m coming back here and diggin’ that thing up.
- Well, now, we all gotta do the official soul-brother handshake.
- Oh, come on, guys, isn’t this a little silly?
- We could all hug.
- Let’s do the shake.
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